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Hi doodles! sounds like you are doing great! Im glad to hear too that you are keeping track of things like H trying to schedule with a 5 year old!


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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i am doing well, thanks! i still surprise myself sometimes by how well i am actually doing and how little i think about h.

the best thing was moving away from that house, away from his parents. i still talk to them everyday but not being next door makes the separating from my marriage easier.

no clue when he intends to see son though. i would like to know but dont feel like contacting him.

going out with my friend tonight and son is sleeping at my inlaws, so i will have a curfew free night lol! i swear, i lost my 20s somewhere but im living them again alittle bit now!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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reviewing the affadavit for support this morning. wow, it seems so harsh but so the truth! its so surreal to read and see everything he has done, everything i have tracked and documented in this document, and know that its all the truth, all his doing.

crazy.

he is so beyond not speaking to me. i sent him a text to ask when he will be coming to see son, no answer. had to have mil ask him so i that i know.

why cant he answer me? i dont know. i didnt do anything, he did this.

my attorney told me not even to reach out to him and go about my business, if we are around when he comes, fine.

i just feel bad, i dont want to son to lose out on his father.

its all in the affdavit, how he doesnt schedule time etc.

glad i reached the detachment level now or this would really be rather hard!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Posts: 1,501
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Wow Doodles, Im glad that you were so serious in documenting, it really came in handy for you! You know, him not reaching out to his son is his choice, not yours. I agree with your atty, if he wants to see his son he will, its not unreasonable for you to have an idea of when to expect him. I have a feeling though, that it probably doesnt fit in with his fantasy with the OW.

Have you started looking into jobs yet? How is the new neighborhood working out?


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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looking and not looking, its alittle overwelming. im meeting with the vice presidents from my old job for lunch on tuesday, not sure that they are hiring but i always keep the line opened...

applied to a few things, nothing major. thinking of temping.

im all over the place, want to be an investigator! need to feel it all out.

possibly taking the LSATS but really not ready to handle law school, although i would be good.

new neighborhood is great, love this place...


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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I agree with your atty too about just going on with your business and if daddy wants to finally call and see son then try to be avavilable if you have not already made some kind of plans.

I know this probably goes without saying, but document everyday that there is No Contact between son and dad.

I say this because when I went through two custody cases on one of my daughters, it was a document that the judge took a lot of stock in.

My atty had told me to document it as 8-30-09 no contact, 8-31-09 no contact, and so on. Then when there was contact, explain exactly what type, phone, in person, or whatever. And to document how long the contact was.

I hope that you are already do something like this. It really helped me to be able to show the judge a pattern of how little time the dad actually spent with my daughter other than the times that the judge had already said that he could have, (which was only 6 hours every two weeks).

Good luck at your meeting on Tuesday.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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he hasnt called i would say since thursday. not sure if they spoke when son was at my mil....in the document, attorney put he hasnt seen or made effort see son between a 2 week period and put he basically abandon him.

they normally speak everyday, its the visits that are far less frequent. so weird. i know so many divorced dads that cant wait to see their kids and fight to see their kids.

thats how i know this is not about me, because he takes it out on son too.

when he sees this affadavit, i think he may run away for good.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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so h finally showed his face today. i didnt really speak to him, just handed him his mail. i could tell he had softened, not in his words, just in body language. not a good thing, i want to continue to despise him!

i was on my way out when he came, maybe it surprised him. i looked good too!

when he dropped son off, i did not look at him or speak to him. i did peak out the window when he left, i saw him hang his head in a sad way, a couple of times. im not mistaking it, i know him. well good, he did this!

when he got in his car, he kept looking back at my window, not sure that he saw me behind the shades.

i hate that i feel my feelings soften, i shouldnt, he has been absolutely awful towards me.

so if he feels bad, if he dreads perhaps going back home to her, so be it. he did this.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
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Maybe he is starting to realize the mistakes he made. It could be the start of things turning around. It could be what you waited for for so long.

Wouldn't it be great if his heart was really starting to change? How great would that be for both you and your son? Sometimes things just take time in these situations.

Who knows, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility of that heart starting to take a turn for the better.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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I hope that he is starting to feel sad about what hes done! He deserves to be in pain from his actions.

Your feelings are allowed to change, but dont let yourself get pushed around. He deserves exactly what he gets, dont forget that. This is what he wanted, so badly that he threw everything away.

I hope that things are finally falling apart for him, and I hope that he realizes that ALL he had to do was stay home and be a good father and H. Really, all he had to do was be faithful!

Wow, that seems mean... maybe Im projecting just a little... wink


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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