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we do need to talk vicky!!!!!

im totally head over heals high school crushing this guy!

what is up with these men? i dont get it. he was so digging me and pouring on the talk, not even the player stuff, totally wanting me and texting me and saying heavy things for the first date. it didnt even feel like the first date we hit it off so well! so why do they pull back?

my h isnt running back, im believe he heard i went out with a guy and things here are ugly.

i dont want him back and u are right, being with this new guy is the eye opener. i am not turning back.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Posts: 1,501
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I am sort of man hating right now. The guy I "rebounded" with turned out to be a psycho. I was so disappointed. I changed the locks because this guy just wouldnt leave me alone!

I think that this guy is going to be good for you. Has your H mentioned that you have a new friend? I hope that it hurts his pride that you arent interested in him and his crappola anymore!


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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doodles,

just caught up on your thread. I am happy that you met a new crush. I also agree that it will do wonders to 'show' you what your true feelings are towards your H. I certainly hope that the new guy's friendship with you will continue.

My take on your H's attitude....he is just upset that he can not have his cake and eat it too.

My take on crush's pulling back....(this is with not knowing his stich) is that he may be on a roller coaster of emotions. For some people the idea of starting over would scare them back into a darkened room. Maybe you have 'shown' him that he is still a desirable person and he is dealing with his own emotions that you may have stirred up in him.

Either way....practice some of the DB techniques with the crush, don't persue alot. Take your time.

By the way, how did your son react to the way his dad was treating you and him that day?


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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my son didnt react in any way to what went on.

new guy disappeared, men are so so so so strange!

i dont play games, i followed his lead.

so weird. he only wanted me to friend him on fb, i kept saying to be cute, how do i know u are my friend?

so yesterday i sent the request, after our weird encounter sunday night. kinda as a way to say, im cool with what happened, not turned off to him....would u believe he ignored the request?

men are so weird. i guess he wants to fall off the earth or something.

but now im moving to the neighborhood! sure to have a run in. and one of my best friends realized that her good friend is the wife of this guy's law firm partner!

so crazy.

anyway, get my keys today! my dad is coming soon to help me move boxes and unpack things before the furniture is moved on friday.

im excited!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 476
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Hey Doodles, guys are weird and it sucks. My new guy had fallen off and I really still wonder why. Yesterday after posting to you and wondering why all of a sudden new guy fell off, a thought occurred to me, did my H call new guy. One day for security purpose I had left a postit with new guy's info when i was going on a date. Talk about anti-DB, I actually called my H yesterday and asked him if he did that. Of course he wasn't happy to get that call since he thinks I was so into new guy but whatever. So I'm with you, no clue why they disappear. Sometimes I wonder if its us being accustomed to long R that we just expect more communication. Then I get so upset at times that H has brought me to having to get into the dating scene. Anyway, just wanted I completely understand.

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Congratulations doodles! Im so happy for you! I think that this is going to be a great thing for you.

As far as the new guy goes, I would imagine that hes probably really confused. Ill bet that he didnt DB! So maybe he hasnt quite come to terms as well as you have with your sitch. Is his wife as much of a weasel? It seems like when our spouses act like such terrible people its a little easier to kick them to the curb. Put your DB priniples to work here if you want, they will work in many other situations. But maybe you dont need his baggage, especially with all you have to worry about!

Vicky, I felt the same way! I met some uber-losers while I was dating, I got so angry at my H for putting me in that position.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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i dont know what this guy's deal is. he poured it on so so much, not in a player way, he was a gentleman. so i responded to it, i dont play games. then he pulled away. then we started talking again on sunday, hung out, and now where is he?

i dont know how to date but i do know when someone good comes along, when i really like someone (never happened often)...things are all too coincidental with us that im curious to see if i ever hear from him again...

any thoughts? can i contact him in a few weeks if im still digging him?

by the way, got my keys today, totally loving the apt! its more like a house, i moved over so much stuff. cant wait to move in.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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i really have to say, for anyone reading this, new or old to the boards, that things do get better.

i never ever ever ever ever thought i would be ok. ever. i heard that i would, never thought i would feel it.

im so happy im ok in time to leave our home. this was the home we were supposed to grow old in, never ever move again.

i couldnt even imagine packing this house, parting our things.

but im here. and im fine!

h is not the man i married. i can honestly look at pictures of us and know that man doesnt exist anymore. he really truly doesnt.

its sad, i can cry when i see the pictures but im ok.

if he showed up, i really dont think i would jump to take him back.

thats not to say that if he tried to show me the old person again, really work at being that person and doing the right thing by me, its not to say i wouldnt entertain it, but im certainly not hoping for it any longer.

so it does get better. read the start of my thread and see where i am now.

new guy or not, i was feeling this way already.

thank you everyone. really, thank you.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 476
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Posts: 476
Yeah!!!! It so does get better. It's amazing how much better it gets. And you end up feeling great. Warning - there will be some down moments but they won't last too long.

My take on contacting new guy - don't!! Like DB, don't pursue. I know you don't like games, and I'm the same way, but I felt if I had to get back into the dating world I need to learn some of the games/techniques. I felt although I was trying to play it cool, I was pursuing new guy. I totally backed off when he did. I actually did at first reach out to him via text, but then he would not respond right away and I literally when and deleted all his contact info from my phones. I figure if he's still interested he would contact me. Don't pursue him, its even more awkward since you haven't established a R. My take... maybe the guys here will have better advice on women pursuing me.

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im not going to contact him. im so not. hoping to run into him in the development though! i dont know what happened, he was so liking me!

i was pursuing this guy too, however, i just followed his lead. it didnt feel like a first date, i dont know.

dont think i will be hearing from him but since i moved to his neighborhood, i am hoping for the run in!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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