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i need my confidence back, i need to feel like im in a position of strength, it always seems like he has it over me.

any ideas?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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went to file the child support, basically got nowhere because i do not have an address for him. terrific.

looks like i will be approved for the nice apt i wanted so thats a good thing.

i sold my living room set and paid a big chunk of my credit card with the money.

just wait until h sees/hears i sold it.

the ugly is just beginning but i have to remind myself he will simmer down eventually.

i packed a few more boxes, i will be happy when this is over and i am done with the moving process.

of course i found a picture of us from right before we got engaged. so sad looking at him, that is who i married and loved, not the person i see these days.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Did they tell you what options you have now for filing the child support?

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well, i could file the petition if i have his address, which i dont. he can refuse it and claim we need to go through supreme court and in that case, i have wasted my time.

at that point, it would go through supreme court but im not interested in bringing this action to supreme court. what i may do is wait and see if he signs the stipulation that keeps him from touching our 401k. if he doesnt sign that in the next week, i have to bring that to supreme court and at that point perhaps will bring up the issue of support.

i hate this.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 182
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I am not sure if the laws in NY are different than they are here in Iowa but when I filed for divorce on my H, one of the first things that my lawyer did was filed for what was called an injuction. It was said that my H could not sell, hide, or move maritail assests around, including his 401k, his pension, or his annuity account. Why would it be a waste of time to go to the supreme court to get support?


Can your lawyer file something like that instead of having to do the supreme court thing? I had my lawyer state that I could not do it either and he simple took it to the judge and the judge signed it. I did not have to be present and my H was then served that paper along with everything else. Just an idea.

Why don't you have an address? Did he change where his mail is going? What about anything from the bank that may have a different address on it? Go to anywho.com and put her name in to see if it pops up an address, if that is where he is staying? Where are his lawyer papers going? There has to be some way to find out what the address is.

And yes you are strong. I keep caving in for my husband, keep putting up with the BS and then forgiving it and trying to keep making a go at something that is probably a dead end. I am not strong enough to just stand up for myself, walk away, and stop beating a dead marriage.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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Doodles, is there a way that you can serve him with the child support paperwork? How do you figure letting it go to court would be a waste of time?

I decided that I didnt want to ask H for anything until the D because I wanted to take him to the cleaners during the D. Not sure if that is what would happen or not, probably not because the system in Ak is a little screwy. More than anything, I didnt want to feel like I owed him.

I agree with LnI, you have been very strong, not letting this woman bully you anymore, or your H for that matter, not letting him eat cake, or push you around about the funiture and the money from selling it.

Doing what needs to be done, even though you are scared, is my personal definition of brave, and you have done that again and again.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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this is what i meant by waste of time - if i go through family court and h argues it is invalid because we belong in suprememe court, family court will not have jurisdiction - meaning my time spent filling out paperwork and waiting at family court is a waste because they cant handle the case.

do not have his address, everything comes here.

i will talk to my lawyer about how to best handle it.

lost in iowa, i would still forgive and still take him back but i am at the survival point now where i cant give in anymore, cant share the proceeds of furniture because i would be left with nothing and i refuse to fund his affair any further when i need the money to move and live.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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puppy, any advice for how i proceed going forward in terms of my relationship and interactions with h?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
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Originally Posted By: mdoodles
puppy, any advice for how i proceed going forward in terms of my relationship and interactions with h?


That's a pretty broad question, Doodles. I would generally continue doing what you're doing now, conveying a sense of "moving on without him" and confidently pursuing your legal/financial support.

"Gee, sorry, honey, this isn't what I wanted but since you made the bed I figured I needed to make it more comfortable for me to lie in it" is what you're trying to convey.

Puppy

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is he going to sense my confidence? i hate that he gets angry but it is expected and i cant stop doing what im doing because i would be hurting myself financially if i did.

he is going to flip when he sees i sold the furniture because he told me not to...but my lawyer said i have every right to do it.

i know i shouldnt care what he thinks but i do. but i also know i have little choice right now than to do what is right.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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