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Blaming you for what he did is a way of trying to spread his guilty feelings around for you to feel too.

He is angry because you actually stood up for yourself. I agree that it may get worse before it gets better but you are strong enough to prevail through it all. It may seem like GOD has put so much in front of you that you don't know how you can possible get through it all but GOD does not do things to us that he doesn't believe you can't handle.

Keep dogging through it all. Have a good weekend.

P.S. Trying to stop thinking about the OW being pregnant. The only way you are going to know for sure is to ask your H outright. Do you think you would get a truthful answer?


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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Posts: 1,011
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i think regarding such a topic, he would tell me the truth, if anything because it would come out anyway.

she has lied about it before so perhaps she is lying again. i hope so.

my mil tells me she is not pregnant, that she asked h and he said no.

i pray that she isnt. although if its not this month, it is possible for another month. it is always a fear of mine. only this time it seemed to be of concern.

if she is, i will not be happy, not ok for alittle bit, but really, their life will not be an escape any longer. most likely he would end up running back to me, not wanting to go through the baby stages again, sex will be nonexistent. and most likely, she would call upon him more to step up than i did.

dont even want to think about it. please pray she isnt. please pray everything turns out ok for me and i will do the same for all of u.

we are good people to be on a site like this, we deserve only the best.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jun 2008
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We are praying for you, mdoodles.

Yes, we are good people to be on a site like this, we deserve only the best.

You sound stronger today.

I like seeing that coming from you.

Keep turning to us for strength and support, together as a group we are invaluable. The dedication and concern and information here on this BB is priceless.

We want the best for you,

Sanderika


ME48/H48MLC
T 33y
M 28y
S16
OW 8/7/05
Bomb 8/16/05
Sep 9/05
H f'd D 10/3/08
D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09
D dismissed 2/5/10
H served me D papers again 9/4/10
D dismissed 9/26/11
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Just for coming to this site and telling your story was a big step in admitting what was going on within you. You are strong and have been making progress on your own terms.

I believe that if the OW was pregnant that would ruin your H's good time of being with the OW. It will be his mistake to clean up not yours.

Okay, ask yourself this...What would happen with your love and commitment to your H if she really was pregnant? Could you take him back? Could you ever trust him? Could you spend time with that child (when s/he would be visiting your H) and not resent your H that you would be helping to raise the child that was a product of your H cheating on you? These questions may help you get a better idea of your true feelings for you H now.

My 2 cents....I could never take my H back if he got another girl pregnant.

Anyway, what are you doing this weekend that is focusing on you (and your son) and not your H and the psycho?


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
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Hi doodles! Hope that you are having a great weekend with your sweet new ride! What kind of car did you get? What color? I want a new car, well a truck, trade in my subaru for a big red dodge ram, not fire engine red, that pretty metallic maroon color.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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having a decent weekend. got a manicure/pedicure and massage yesterday, got some packing done and also went out with a friend last night. today maybe i will take my son to the movies since it seems to be a rainy day.

havent spoken to h since wednesday, son did not speak to him yesterday.

will be interesting what occurs tomorrow when he is here. perhaps he wont even come in. i dont know.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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im sad today. more than usual i guess is the way to put it.

i miss him. i never stay angry for long, i dont know if its my love for him or just the way i am.

i have to keep separating my thoughts, reminding myself i did not do this to him. when i start to question should i have done the police report, i say - do i feel bad for her? NO. and i have my answer.

my feelings are about him. not her. and i didnt report him. i reported her.

i proud that i can even separate the issue at hand. thats a step in itself.

i dont understand why i still love him so much, why i still want him back. i get that i want our old life, i dont get why with all he has done, i find a way to still miss him and want him.

our mutual friends, who i am still in close contact with, understand. his friend said this - he understands why i hold on, that in a way he (as in the friend) still does too. he is angry with him, but misses who he was, that this isnt him at all and wants to reach out to him and tell him its not too late to return and that everyone will help him...

the best i can do i guess is go on with my life and wait and see at the same time.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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took son to the movies. talk about "pushing" myself, i literally was walking into the theatre and had to actually think the word "push" to be able to do it.

rough day. why exactly, i do not know, its no different than yesterday and yesterday i was ok.

i want to go to bed and start over tomorrow.

im nervous to see h tomorrow. not sure what will occur. he called before, i let son talk to him, i did not answer.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 182
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I am glad to hear that you took some time for yourself and got to relax a bit.

I feel the same way you do about still loving my H but not the person that he is now. As I say it, I still love him but I don't like him right now. All I can say is, I understand how you feel about that.

When you get to feeling the way you do and you start seperating things in your mind, remember to tell yourself that you had reported what she was doing to HIM and you had asked HIM to help stop her from doing it. HE chose not to help stop her so you had to take the next step to stop her. No, you did not do this to him but he is going to feel like you did if he is as selfish as he sounds to me.

Like I said before, he thought he had everything, a wife still wanting him, a son that still loves him, and another woman on the side that wants him. You showed him that he really did not have everything, so he is lashing out at you becasue he lost some of the control that he thought he had.

You are doing better than I am in my stich, so Bravo to you.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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how so? how am i doing better than you? fill me in...maybe i can help you and maybe i can understand where im succeeding that i dont see.

i had to stop this girl. i grew up in the same town as amy fisher. i needed to nip this in the bud now before she showed up. i do believe she would have, maybe or maybe not to harm me, but it would have harmed me mentally as well as my son.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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