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It's certainly a good starting point, Doodles, and should help you get something cemented financially. Always better to start HIGH, and negotiate downward, than to try to start with something "fair."

I bet he will be SHOCKED!

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oddly, I think he might be turned on if you show some backbone now.


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Maybe a legal separation is what is needed.

I heard the "keep the big gun cocked" from my cousin who has seen many such broken marital cases in the construction business. He told me that it was necessary to "Strike fast and strike hard". My lawyer said not so - "lets work in a more friendly business manner, but with the upper hand of striking first".

And you do need to start high in your demands.

But, there is a thing to consider. If your H sees that he is going to be hurt majorly on his long term future finances, he may pretend to want to come back so that you back off the big gun. You need to not be so easy to take him back.

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interesting kerry...he may appear again to want to come back. he appears that way most of the time. but its clear he doesnt realize what i am entitled to and what he is entitled to.

so when that is shown to him, he may second guess himself.

im waiting to talk to my lawyer. i want to tell him that we are in no position to work on a separation/divorce, we do not have the finances to fund the retainers because right now, we need to get out of our foreclosing house and set up somewhere else.

i would like to receive support right now, and when son and i are settled in a new place, consider a fair settlement.

I WILL NOT enter into an agreement quickly because we cant fund a fair battle. i will not enter into an agreement while he is not working an upstanding job, like he always has.

for all i know, he will choose a deli counter and my cs will be based on it. then he will go to an upstanding job, and i will then have to fight in court to get the cs changed.


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My lawyer keeps stats. His records show that just past 35% of his clients reconcile with their spouse.


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Originally Posted By: KerryK


But, there is a thing to consider. If your H sees that he is going to be hurt majorly on his long term future finances, he may pretend to want to come back so that you back off the big gun. You need to not be so easy to take him back.


I second this, Doodles. I absolutely think he may do this.

As I just posted to someone else, you will KNOW what GENUINE remorse/desire to reconcile looks like. Because you have seen the FALSE one from him before, you are in a great position to recognize the real thing if and when it does show its head.

I pray it does, IF that's what you want.

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so i went and paid our bills with the furniture money, i have the receipts.

i also went and priced a very nice apt complex that i had looked at last year. the girl working there remembered me, felt bad for the situation and gave me a good deal, although it is still pricey and im working with no money to even make the decision....

have to figure it out. arent many apartments to choose from here.

i just want to figure it out, so i can settle my son somewhere, enroll him in school and let him know we are moving.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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made an appt with my lawyer for thursday to go over everything and how to best go about support money.

all of a sudden im finding myself taking the steps to move forward. funny huh?

i dont want a separation or a divorce.

i want the money im entitled to, i want somewhere to live.

and i will take it from there.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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h called and i said, hey, im on another call, i will have son call u back...he said, ok or something to that extent and i said, bye and hung up!

do we think he was surprised? i never did that before.

rather empowering. i was on the phone, nothing important though, but atleast i wasnt even lying.

i told son to call his dad. he hasnt yet.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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whistle grin

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