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does anyone think i should stop telling my husband i am receiving messages from ow?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
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Yes. It makes you look like a "victim" and that's not the image you're going for right now, in my opinion. You want to be conveying STRENGTH, INDEPENDENCE, that you're MOVING ON.

Telling him about these make it look like you're whining for him to rescue you, and/or it smacks of vindictiveness, neither of which is attractive.

Puppy

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I agree with Puppy. It could be seen that you want him to solve your problems.

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i think i agree with u guys...

in the past i told him when the messages were more infrequent, at times when he insisted she was out of the picture, when the messages and calls were harassing and involved hurtful lies...

i didnt need to tell him when he was home and heard the phone ringing off the hook.

now, really, what is the point in telling him, he knows she is crazy, he knows she is using my number to text him...

and maybe it would be a new kind of 180 for me not to mention it.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 476
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Hey mdoodles,


How have you been? I know it's been a long time since I posted. I just readup on your sitch. So you know I will say don't even bother tell him. Remember my texts taht I was receiving. My take first off is taht what's the point of even dwellingon it. What really is the texting doing to you. Nothing? No benefit no hurt. And why even bother to inconveniece yourself with changing your #. Unless she does somethign with your # that is really damaging - words are nothing. They're electronic and just the delete button takes care of it. For myslef, I finally told H about the texts I got. But I did it in a great way. We were out on a date (will fill you in on my thread) and were talking casually and then I mentioned it to him. I even told him that I wasn't going to tell him b/c I don't want to give her the satisfaction of even getting negative attention. He was pissed off and I said see that's why I didn't want to say anything b/c I knew you would go to her. Funny thing is that shortly after she called him about something he was suppose to do for their son and he wasn't going to answer the phone but I told him to go ahead bu I ttalked not disturb), but anyway he did what I asked and told her that its not even bothering me and that I find it amusing actually and I was so glad to hear thim tell her that. Good!!! He even said her that doesn't she see that I don't even argue when she calls. It was so perfect. Hopefully she sill feel like texting/calling me is a waste of her time. So my advice, show your H that you don't even care. I think in general once we act like we don't really care then they get shocked.

Check my thread out in a bit later.

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yeah, im done telling him. i think its happening too often to keep reporting on and i dont want to give her the satisfaction of caring...

i think i will even remove the call blocker at this point, she is getting around it anyway and maybe if she keeps it up, i will have my harassment case even stronger.

i had to go to traffic court today to fight a silly signaling ticket. really fun stuff lol.

going to a friend for dinner, planning my weekend so we are busy. keeping busy is so important! i think we all know that though...

foreclosure update - the stupid bank still hasnt canceled the foreclosure even though we have a buyer - they claim it can take them up to 30 days, which will run past the foreclosure date. how dumb is this?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
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I think thats a good plan. I think that simply not reading them is good for your peace of mind.

If these people want to know what they say, could you forward them without reading them? who knows maybe they say something useful. But do I agree that you should stop telling H about them.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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i can forward the messages, ive done it in the past.

right now, i dont want to though. it may make me wonder what the messages say, knowing someone else saw it.

im trying not to care.

i just packed a box in the kitchen. as i was packing my beautiful platters, beautiful dishes, i was cursing him.

this is all his fault. we had a beautiful home, a beautiful life, we were frequent hosts to lavish parties.

and im packing the serving pieces into boxes, not knowing where i will be unpacking them.

this is all his fault.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 476
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Posts: 476
Hey,

hang in there. I know the anger you feel. By teh way, I didn't get to tell you that I think you're doing a wonderful job. It's hard adn there are going to be difficult days since its a difficult situation. You're not alone, we're all there with you. Good job on galing and showing him that he's less important to you right now. Take care of numero uno (you) and #2 (your son). But good job in the past days making him wonder hummmmmm. smile

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thanks vicky, i needed that!

i have to say, im getting pretty angry, with each box i pack, the anger is setting in.

the problem with the anger is this - my anger would like a reaction. and it gets none. nowhere.

i want him to feel what he has done.

yeah yeah, i know, he feels it, his credit is in the toilet, he cant get a credit card or a loan or an apt. he has no money.

but still. i want him to feel my anger.

in fact, i am so fired up, that when he calls this afternoon, im not answering! so there!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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