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Originally Posted By: mdoodles
i feel like i need to do something different, like another 180...

i have been doing really really well with the gal and taking care of myself and enjoying myself...

i stopped texting h, its been over 2 weeks.

i changed up my behaviors with him and he really took notice, but then i think he gets used to those behaviors and adjusts.

i mixed it up alittle this weekend and called him to say hi, rather than only let him do the calling.

i dont nag, push or question and hardly even made a situation out of psycho ow's latest behaviors.

what else can i do now? do i send a random text or keep that off limits? do i call him or just wait for him to call?

im looking for something alittle different for him to take notice of...all while he isnt living here. its hard when i dont see him for a few days to really get a 180 in.


Doodles,

You're not gettin' it. The "180s" that DB recommends aren't for HIM, they're for YOU. If you're doing your GALs and 180s merely to get a response out of your husband (and it's clear from your posts that you are), then you're still not at all detached, and you're NOT DBing.

If we can sense it, trust me, so can he.

Puppy

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u are right...but i do get it lol...

i did the gal for me, enjoying myself and making plans for me.

i told him i wouldnt have sex, for me.

i stopped texting him, for me.

the things i changed, made me feel better.

but i have to admit, i enjoyed his reactions and i have to admit, the psycho ow started reacting too, perhaps because he changed on her end.

i think im overwelmed by everything i have to deal with, like losing my home and not knowing where we will go.

im upset about the follow up letter from the attorney, not quite sure if his lawyer naturally sends the letter since he did not hear from my attorney, or if h called him for a follow up.

im just looking for something else to do now, in addition to the other things i have done.

i like a task, a goal, something to focus my efforts on, something i havent already done.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
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I understand, and I know what you mean. I just don't want to see you keep peeking over your shoulder and asking "Is he watching? Is he reacting? Huh? Huh??"

I agree about the goals -- I'm the same way. I read a business book once that called them "BHAGs" -- Big Hairy Audacious Goals. The example they gave was how JFK pledged to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade (1960s), and how that focused NASA and the nation to accomplishing the task.

Personally, I think it would be a hoot if you opened up the EXACT same kind of store in a few years, but did it BY YOURSELF. You'll have a lot of obstacles to overcome before you can do that, but it'd be a great "BHAG" if that was something that was a dream of yours.

I mean, why let DAM H ruin YOUR dream???

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well here is the thing ---owning our own store was OUR dream, together. i wanted it for him for the last 10 years, because i knew what a success he could be, what a success it could be for us...yeah, that went well. lol.

i had my dream already, i had everything i could have ever wanted. everything. i was living the american dream.

so much for that.

i guess the phrase, careful what u wish for, u just might get it, holds some truth.

really, we always wanted our own bagel store, the store we opened wasnt quite that.

but i couldnt go opening a bagel store without him, i dont know the stuff that he does. although i could always hire someone!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Originally Posted By: mdoodles


but i couldnt go opening a bagel store without him, i dont know the stuff that he does.



Maybe not yet.

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i was actually going to open a bagel store with my dad last year, that is kinda how the whole store thing came to play, we went into this business with my family.

im still in shock that we opened and its now closed.

its as if it didnt really happen, like its a dream that we did it, he was home, i was seeing him every day, every night and working with him.

i swear it is like a dream.

and i do believe everything between us would have been fine if he didnt start talking with her again.

the store might still have gone sour since we were truly screwed by the guy we bought it from, but we would have been ok.

it is very true that as long as our spouses have contact with op, the marriage stands no chance in reconciling, even if u both want it.

so what can i do now? any other 180s, any other "do something different?"

i need a short term goal to focus on.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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Right now, unfortunately, I think moving you and your son thru the foreclosure is your short-term goal.

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I think the foreclosure is def. the first thing on your plate for now.
Then getting a job would be next.
If you are ok, then keep doing what you are doing but you can't make game plans based on what you hope his reactions will be.


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u are right, i shouldnt do things based on his reactions.

for the most part i do not, but i do still wonder what he is thinking, what he is up to, what he will say etc.

im not detached.

im slightly removed and protecting myself and my emotions, which was evident by me deleting the psycho's message without reading it.

but i still feel myself in the game of winning my husband.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
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im feeling down. i dont want to be feeling down.

i havent felt down in a while, i want it to go away...

i have had confidence, had been doing well, i need to get back to that.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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