cat, praying for you for wisdom in dealing with X. Especially praying for d and s.
Bottom line, he is lost at this point, badly deceived. More than anything, he needs prayer to be poured out upon him day and night. God will deal with him and yes, do so lovingly and then more sternly as needed.
Keep pouring the truth in to your babies by being a living testimony, let your light shine AND He will minister to them. By the world's standards, my X is not a bad mom at all, not one bit.
BUT she bought into the lie, "if you are not happy, find happiness somewhere else, your kids will be alright."
Through MUCH prayer by many faithful people, my kids' faith has not been shattered. They see His faithfulness being manifested in my life. They see the Lord working over and over and over again in and around and through me. I am NOTHING special but I am willing.
It took time to forgive but my kids see the peace I have around X and her husband.
A study we are going through the TruthProgect.org (connected through focus on the family), described those who have bought into the lie as "Prisoners of War." Your X is a P.O.W.!
Stand your ground but pray 10 times more for him than what you nat be needing to say to him and God will act, often before you start to tell your blinded X what you so desperately want to tell him.
In the early days of separation and then divorce, I told my X what I knew she needed to hear and I think nearly every time, it blew up. Gradually, I started to take these issues to God first and He delt with it far better than I ever could. I have a long list if issues, incidents etc of where God moved X's heart to bring about a desired result without my having to say a word to her.
again, I am coming along side you in prayer.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
A study we are going through the TruthProgect.org (connected through focus on the family), described those who have bought into the lie as "Prisoners of War." Your X is a P.O.W.!
that's the best way to put it! it is so true, I do feel pity for him. He sent me a txt by mistake, telling his gf how she was letting him down with her criticism, the very same kind then-ow used to drill into him, the same I vowed to banish in our M when he came back. Hope he sees the issues are still there, the ugliness didnt' go away with yet another person, he keeps trying to heal himself with someone new, will he ever learn?
Thanks for your prayers C2H, for his sake , for my kids sake, I hope he finds his way again.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
look at what my pastor spoke about the other day. He started talking about psalm 126 which reminded me of what iamlost posted:
Psalm 126 A Song of Ascents. 1 When the LORD brought back the captivity of Zion, We were like those who dream. 2 Then our mouth was filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” 3 The LORD has done great things for us, And we are glad.
4 Bring back our captivity, O LORD, As the streams in the South.
5 Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy. 6 He who continually goes forth weeping, Bearing seed for sowing, Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, Bringing his sheaves with him.
a commentary on this Psalm added this:
The beginnings of mercies encourage us to pray for the completion of them. And while we are in this world there will be matter for prayer, even when we are most furnished with matter for praise. Suffering saints are often in tears; they share the calamities of human life, and commonly have a greater share than others. But they sow in tears; they do the duty of an afflicted state. Weeping must not hinder sowing; we must get good from times of affliction. And they that sow, in the tears of godly sorrow, to the Spirit, shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting; and that will be a joyful harvest indeed.
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be for ever comforted. When we mourn for our sins, or suffer for Christ's sake, we are sowing in tears, to reap in joy. And remember that God is not mocked; for whatever a man soweth that shall he reap, Ga 6:7 to 9.
Here, O disciple of Jesus, behold an emblem of thy present labour and future reward; the day is coming when thou shalt reap in joy, plentiful shall be thy harvest, and great shall be thy joy in the Lord.
It is comforting to know that our sufferings are not random and without purpose.
Of EVEN greater comfort is the knowledge that God knows our hurts and knows even the number of tears we shed...
Psalm 56:8
8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
thanks for posting this C2H, to remind me that all our sorrows he knows before hand. That's why I didn't call x and ripped him a new one for (ARGHHH!yet again!) telling kids to keep things from me. Long story short, he took kids to a movie that is pretty violent, that d6 shouldn't have seen, and told them not to tell me. For crying out loud, the girl already has trouble with lying at 6 and this is what he does! I was so mad, it was s11 who confided in me and told me not to get him in trouble, but since last time I was dissapointed he hid stuff from me he told me the truth, so I kept my mouth shut.
I might question d6 in an innocent way, but even if she spills the beans, if I talk to him, nothing will come off it, nothing ever came from so many MC sessions, he is and always was an accomplished liar, and nothing I'll say will change that..
All that is left, the only and best thing is to put this in God's hands, to live in d6 heart's and help her discern the good and bad, for me to teach her to be honest and plant a seed, this man is such a bad example...*sigh*
Well, they are with me tonight and I'm glad for that))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Dahling...I've not been on board much lately--how are you? Just wanted you to know someone's thinkin' about ya. Hope you're having the best summer in years!
oh my sweets))))))))))) my old battle buddy thanks for checking in on me, I was actually going to post after a long hiatus, but overall all is well in catland..
After so many months, D being filed on Jan, the D will come through any day now, his L had me approved a tiny change, I had to print the paperwork and had to hand it to x 2 days ago without fanfare, he will need it for his August wedding. MIL told me about it, I guessed his August trip was because of that but still felt a small but hard kick in the gut.
My healing has come a long way, but here and there are thin patches where it is still tender...it's been barely 1.5 since the S, barely 7mths since I lost of hope of reconciling... I've come to many conclusions since...
... I will (for the most part) stop trying to patch together the whys and whens, as his soul/mind was ravaged by depression, OW dependency, loss of God -- nothing will ever make sense in a neat timeline.
... he and I have nothing in common anymore, I dont' love him he long ago decided his love for me was non-existent... He has became a man I wouldn't have in a golden platter
...the best years of his life he had with me, I had a H who loved me dearly and was able to raise my children for 11yrs together... I will smile when thinking of them
...he's a sad wretch, yet again curing himself with a bad woman, his debt is horrible, he doestn eat well nor can afford to eat out, his car is broken and can't fix it, if she doesn't get a job they are screwed big time, he knows he is in a nosedive.
I dont' wish him ill, hope for the kids sake things shape up for him, at what degree I dont' know as his old demons are still with him. AFter so many months of only necesary txts we had a txt dual the other day, after I said I'd give him his "precious" D papers he wondered "why the anger", I'm not angry anymore but if I were I'd had good reasons, it doen'st register to him that the hurt took a long time to heal and it's not yet 100%.
Long story short he tells me how he "dislikes" dealing with me and my "judging and nagging". It sort of hurt to hear that, but then again I do dislike when I have to deal with him, specially when he tells kids to hide stuff from me. So, what did I want? that he liked communicating with me? with gf telling him I'm manipulating kids? I dont' care, whatever. He ended up saying how if I thought his life was a party it wastn', he hated being broke and not taking kids anywhere the whole summer as he has no car and rides to work on her motorcycle...well, the thing is, he is getting married in Vegas, how the hell can he afford to fly there, stay there for prob a few days and NOT fix his car? liar, the same low liar he's always been...
He says he is trying to do the best with what's left of him, I sort of believe that, but also says he doesnt' have the power to change anything in his life right now and that he either makes it or sinks... I dont' care anymore, I do feel bad for my kids as whatever happens to him will affect them, I do pray hard for them and will do a better job at instill in them good morals and show them the right way, so they may choose what's right.
I do feel much much more detached from him thanks to those txts, I now remember what he's become and I wouldnt' want him for the world... I'm better off now.
Wonderful tidbit I learned in DivorceCare -- I go now and then, I'll go today -- something about finding a partner. That to find your partner, you have to find God because he knows where your partner is... they told a story of a missionary lady that after decades retired, she was single. She was asked why she didn't marry, didnt' God listened to her? did she ask for an H? she said "yes, I did ask God for a good H, and He listened, the one who fail was the man who would've been my H, God called him but he didnt' listened." and with that, I took down my profile on a dating site, I want nothing for now anyways, but if God sees it fit he'll send me the right person, if not, I have ..slowly.. reached to the conclusion that I can be happy if I remain single forever.
I also learned that for every 4yrs of M you need 1 year of healing (and waiting before heading to a new R), I'm half way there, lol!
All in all I'm good, money sort of tight and unexpected expenses came about, but I'll be ok, thanks to dear Lord my d6 doesnt' cry anymore and goes fine to her dad's , thank you dear God for that again!
To end this harangue I'd like to say that if you find yourself brooding at night or when you wake up, turn it into a prayer and tell it to God, pour yourself out, and then thank Him for he is already working on the solution. HUGs)))))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
if you find yourself brooding at night or when you wake up, turn it into a prayer and tell it to God, pour yourself out, and then thank Him for he is already working on the solution.
Sweet Cat--this is so true.
You *have* come a long, long way. And I'm so glad you're no longer bound in his web of lies. He sounds miserable. And you do not!!! Mwah!
