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Amen!

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I completely agree but know that it takes time to get there. But mdoodles, almostdone is absolutey right. We are too good for these men and we spend so much time and energy on them that its crazy. I know you feel like he's all you want and I felt that way too, for 6 years. But its like what I told H when he asked me if i love my new friend, and believe me there is no way I can entertain "love" in my life right now - I have to get over the lack of trust I have in men first. But anyway, I told H that I love ME!!!! And its true. when you get to the place where you feel that you no longer want their drama to dictate your life, its invigorating, you feel so much better/stronger. Get above the fray. Feel powerful. You control this, not him. Another thing I told H this week when he talked about what he will do to make us work, I asked him to do things to make himself happy, to get the life he wants and then I will decide if it fits in my life plan. And its true, we have the power here to decide if we will allow their crap to be a part of our life. I don't know where this mental 180 came for me, but I think its once I decided to do the sep agreement things changed mentally for me and then I had the June deadline already in my head too. So mdoodles, I know it takes time but girl you have to take back control of this situation. Take back control of YOU. You decide if you will bring your H back into YOUR life, not he decides if he will mess up and then come back in. Good luck and time is a great healer.

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Exactly. But I do believe this: If it's possible for his actions to get into your kitchen and start a fire, it's even MORE possible for you to take control of your own kitchen and extinguish that fire and start doing your own cookin'! Cook something you like, you want to eat. Be your own freakin' gourmet chef!
I have lots of support from people here and that's how I got here. Of course I love my H. Of course I want to save my marriage, but I'm at a point where I'm very ready to live life without him. I'm now concentrating on me. I'm concentrating on my son after that. Then work. I am taking all the steps I need to take to say in the future, should my marriage end in D: "I fought it to the end and did everything to save it."
And believe me, these last few weeks and esp. days, I've had people I've met here and one very good girlfriend in town with me, tell me "You've come this far. Why quit now? See it through." Because I wanted to end it, once and for all since I'm now at a point where I could walk away. BUT they are right. I have come this far. I have grown this much and I have to see this through to the end no matter what that may be, for me. Not H. For me.
I'm worth soooooo much there isn't even a number to place on that value it's so exponential.
No one has to be arrogant. We have to be proud of ourselves and know what we are worth.
Stop living in fear. Start living in the now and for you.


M-34/H-35/S-4
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Almostdone is absolutely right. Nothing changed for me until I really turned away and was ready to walk. I hadnt given up, I just was tired of letting his BS hurt me. I took the papers and filled out the VIN numbers of all of our vehicles, corrected the community property that he had screwed up, and when I told him that they were ready, he said he didnt want to sign them.

And in March I burned them.

I just think that until you are really ready to let go and let him screw up on his own, you wont really project that and acting AS IF is only taking you so far.

If you need to keep holding on until the polish girls green card expires or she gets bored waiting then do that, I understand. But the more you let go, the better you will feel. I promise.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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Almost done, hiphip hooray!!! I am so almost done too that its not even funny. And I do think that comes from realizing how much we're really worth. Our H's are the ones losing out on a great person. They are the ones who will be left with crazy OW. Mdoodles, we need to celebrate our worth here. We are the good women. Someone told me once I that shouldn't forget that I'm the jewel and its true. And the same goes for you. Your H is not the jewel and certainly OW who needs her papers is not the jewel, you are!!! I find that I was so caught up and focused on saving my M that I forgot to celebrate and focus on how great I am. Just the other day i realized that every morning I was waking up and the first thing I was say is "I hate my life." And that was awful. I have a good life and am extremely blessed. My H knows it too that's why he is so scared now of losing me. You are better off than you realize. Once the clouds pass, you'll realize that the sun was always there shining.

almostdone... I love the kitchen analogy!!!!

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just got back from the game, so happy the sun is shining again in ny! its been weeks on end without sun...

thank you all for your support. i hear everything u are saying, i really do.

im doing the best i can, im starting to adjust to not texting him, emailing him, talking to him every morning or even throughout the day.

its an adjustment, its what im used to.

i so wanted to text him to say how nice citifield is, that we were having fun, but i didnt.

im trying here.

i realize everything he has done, i realize how i deserve better, i realize i shouldnt care about the psycho ow.

im not ready to proceed legally. and since im not fully ready, im not going to, because it would be a waste of my retainer.

i have everything in order, everything documented and protected, im in contact with my attorney.

but im not ready to make the leap.

maybe i will be soon, maybe all it will take is one more down day. i dont know.

other than that, im moving forward with my own life, trying to figure out where my son and i will live, trying to figure out how and where to enter the work force again.

i think this is made harder when i have been financially depended upon my husband for 10 years and a housewife for 6 years.

ive spent the last year trying to save our home from foreclosure and now i have to move.

ive had a year of attempting to put it all back on track - our marriage, our home, our way of life, and then -

husband came home and left again, our dream store happened and closed, our bank wouldnt let us modify our loan, we were forced into a short sale and i have to move.

its all very hard to process, im trying.

my therapist feels if u can have more hours that are positive in a day than negative, then u are doing ok.

so i must be on the right path.


me: 31
H:29
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m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
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Who do you have in the way of support? Do you have girlfriends you can text or call instead? Who are you socializing with?


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i have plenty of support, plenty of friends.

on tuesday h told me he wanted to come today, in the afternoon.

i said, ok, i have plans during the day and will be home not before 3, but will be home.

i have not called him since then....i contemplated texting him or calling him earlier today to confirm when i would be home, but i didnt....sure enough, my cell rings at 2:50, calling me from my house, asking when i will be home.

im glad i was not home when he got here, he was early and i guess he expected i would be here waiting.

glad i wasnt.

honestly, i hate the anxiety i feel in seeing him now, i hate the knot in my stomach.

i hate how he can be all over me last week and turn cold the next day.

i do feel the need to fully detach, like u all say. i do.

im so getting there because i do not like the way i feel.

he looks miserable and is acting miserable.

he is a total kiljoy.

i truly wish i never had to see him again, to make this easier, but i know its not possible.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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so i feel like i gained some confidence this afternoon.

i kept to myself, wasnt cold, but didnt go out of my way.

he kept coming in to where i was, i was nice, but kept to what i was doing.

and then he came to tell me he was leaving, he likes to do that for my reaction, or to get intimate contact with me, so this time when he said he was leaving, i was like, ok...and kept to what i was doing.

it felt good, i have to say.

he kept lingering, i must have thrown him off, he kept coming back into our room, where i was.

and again, said, ok, im going, and i said again,,,ok...

maybe i needed this boost in confidence, maybe i needed to feel like i didnt fall for it, didnt give in, to put me kinda in control on my emotions.

not sure if im making sense.

Last edited by mdoodles; 06/26/09 09:57 PM.

me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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It sounds pretty good to me! GOOD JOB!! whistle

Puppy

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