On one hand I am happy because I just want to move on because I am tired of owning anything with the ex, I'm tired of trying to keep a house super clean for the market, and I am tired of having my privacy invaded by people coming to see it.
On the other hand, it's my house. I watched this house get built. I made incredible friends in the neighborhood, and my children love it here too. Plus I don't know where I am going to live. That's still in limbo.
Ex is being a pain in my arse but what else is knew.
He has been pushing me from day one to sell it. He even wouldn't get off my back when I took it off the market for a couple of weeks while I was looking into buying it.
Now that we got an offer he tells me we don't have to take it, he doesn't mind if the house stays on the market for a long time if I won't to hold out for more money.
What, did he win the lottery and forget to tell me?
The offer is in 5 percent of the asking price, so according to the divorce agreement we have to take it.
This is the same idiot who has been pressing me to sell it and now it's almost like he doesn't want me to sell it.
Another issue is that we never got a permit and a small property variance for our shed when we put it up. I have been telling him alll along that we needed to get one of we are going to sell the house. He kept saying, "no we don't, we'll get away with it".
So he goes and tells the realtor we don't have these permits so she had to go tell the buyers because we must disclose this.
She told us we had to get a permit for it and asked one of us to get the ball rolling on it. I told her I would have ex do it as it will run near a thousand dollars to do it.
Ex showed up at the bus stop and I asked him if he could get the ball rolling on getting the permit.
He was nasty and said "Nope, I ain't doing it".
Me: Why not?
ex: I'm not doing it?
Me: Why because you have to work? Don't give me that bs because you take off whenever you want these days to go and play.
ex: I'm not doing it. I don't care if the house sits on the market forever, I'm not doing it.
I finally just walked away. Now he doesn't care if the house sits on the market forever, but all along he has been pushing me to get is sold?
I cannot finacially do it. He still owes me money for copays that I have not gotten yet and he still hasn't taken out a life insurance policy that he was required to get. I refuse to go to my parents to pay for it, I already have them in a financial mess.
I have a call into my lawyer who is also going to be handling the sale. I'm just waiting for him to call me back.
I'm sorry to see that he's still being the pain in the usual a*s, but for some of them....it is who they are.
I know you don't want to leave your home....but if your ever want to move on, you really don't want it hangning over your head.
I too, had that same agreement as you to sell our home that we watched being built, I too had the X tell the realtor to take it off the market as HE wanted to wait for the prices to come back up.
That was 2 years ago...
It's tiring Ms. K.
You never know if the mortgage is beingn paid or when the rug is going to be pulled out from under you and the number one thing, in my opinion, you do not get the chance to move on as your still in the house that holds so many memories, your still in the house that he has so much control over.
Finally after 2 contempt of court motions.....I had him buy ME OUT of the house. He can have it. I want my own place where there are no memories, where he has ZERO control over.
It doesn't even bother me (not a lot anyway ) that Rich and his new wife will move into our home. Let her deal with my memories with him. It's all good.
I too, don't quite know where I'm going, but I do know he will have nothing to do with it, and that alone gives me peace.
Why they want to keep control over us, I haven't a clue anymore, I stopped trying to make sense of it. It did finally come out that his new wifes home was going up for auction and they needed a place to stay...so after all this time, perhaps that is why he kept the house? It's all to twisted for me.
If at all possible, you go ahead and get the permit and have the money taken out of his share.
Don't let him have his way anymore.
Move forward with your life, build new memories with your children, find you a new home that will be all yours and he can't walk into it or tell you what to do concerning it.
You will find that it's not that bad at all.
In fact.....it's wonderful!
Wishing you the best!
Jeanette
Last edited by Jeanette1120; 06/17/0909:36 PM.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I agree it doesn't make any sense, however, I will say it's exactly the same sort of stuff I saw from Dick. He has not followed the orders on our divorce decree, and in fact, he owes me thousands of dollars in back child support, owes me money for co-payments, down payments for braces, yet in our court, he's mister perfect and I'm crap.
Be watching for the bankruptcy trick, it sounds like it may come next. That way he doesn't have to pay for the permits, gets rid of all of his bills, the house and ruins your credit in one easy step.
Talk to your lawyer, see if he can get x to pay for the permits, and if not, start watching his financial moves.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this guy is not going to be up front with you, and probably start playing dirty pretty soon.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Ms. H, I have to agree w/everyone. It's a control issue and yes, he's still trying to call the shot where you are concerned, never mind what it's doing to you and the boys.
Between Tears and I are both thinking alike here. He knows that the time is getting closer and closer to where he will not rule the roost from afar. He doesn't want to lose that control. It's not so much the memories of the house, but he he knows that once all of it is settled...no more pulling your chain and telling you how high to jump.
Have the lawyer do the walking and talking with his lawyer. The burden of the permits should not fall on you and you alone. It's time the nut step up to the plate and share in the settlement of this place. After all, isn't he the one that wanted out? This man reminds me so much of my ex it isn't even funny.
Take are of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree that he definetly feels he is losing control with the sale of the house.
I also think he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He said to me that he doesn't want me to turn around after and accuse him of it being his fault we sold the house at that price. He wants it to look like we sold the house because it was my choice not his. More of him being the victim.
I did speak with my lawyer. He is going to get the ball rolling on getting the permit for the shed because he says otherwise you will never sell it and ex is no help. The realtor was appreciative of this because she said ex was being stubborn. She even said "I don't understand him. He is the one who was pushing to sell this house and even wanted to drop it to a really low price and now that you got an offer he is putting up roadblocks".
I also talked with a mortgage broker from the current mortgage company we use. He said it is quite do-able to get a mortgage, the only thing that might hold me back is my bad credit rating (do to the divorce). However he said it was quite possible and I would qualify for more of a mortgage than I previoulsy thought do to the fact that I can put a lot down on a house upfront. This makes me feel a bit better. I will end up in a really small house but at least it will be mine. However, in the meantime I will probably have to go into a rental because the process will take longer and the buyers for my house want to be in by the new school year.
On another note, S5 had a fever Thurs/Friday night so I took him to the doctor yesterday. He wasn't complaning of anything hurting, he just had a fever. They did a strep test but it came back negative, however, I just got a call this morning saying they sent out an overnight throat culture and it came back positive.
Ex has the boys so I called him up and left him a message letting him know. I didn't here back from him so I sent him a TM instead. A while passed and still no call back so I called him again. This time he answered:
Me: Did you get my messages?
Ex: Yea, S5 has strep. (nice of him to call me back)
Me: Yes, I have to pick up his medicine so can we meet half way later so I can give it to you?
Ex: Why does he have to take medicine, he seems fine to me.
Me: Because he has strep.
Ex: Says who?
Me: The doctor...he took a strep test there yesterday but it came back negative so they sent an overnight culture out and it came back positive.
Ex: Well I think he's fine.
Me: He needs medicine so it doesn't turn into anything worse. He even had a fever in the doctor's office yesterday.
Ex: Fine
He finally agreed to meet me.
I swear, he is half retarted or something.
I also found out that he still has not paid May's tuition for my S5's preschool. The money that he owes around is just getting ridiculos.
I hope everyone has a nice weekend.
These boards seem rather quite these days. I hope that is a good thing.
Ms. H, I'm very glad you came by to post. I was wondering how you and the boys were doing.
Yes, your xh is dragging his heels. This is very typical of some of the mlcers who yell, kick an scream that they want certain things and when it's time to step up to the plate, they drag it out. The man doesn't want to look like the bad guy and yet, he's looking more and more like the donkey's @ss w/the realtor and w/your lawyer. People know the deal when it comes to these nuts in crisis.
I'm sorry things have worked out this way, but look at it this way, when the dust settles and you are able to purchase a new home, it will be yours and no more threats will be held over your head. He will need to be respectful and knock or ring the bell, no more coming in to suit his highness.
I hope the little one feels better soon. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry things are the way they are, but they are the MLC way.
Hope your son finishes full prescription and gets well soon. Before I saw that your L was going to start the process on shed permit, I was going to ask how tearing it down would affect the sale ... and would that be cheaper than permits?
Its not like you are going to use it or see it again. I don't mean that badly, but if you are going to move forward with the sale it might be a good question for the buyers. How would they feel about not having it, or having a $1,000 allowance to get their own permits after sale? May not matter now if the L is moving ahead.
Your X would LOVE to have that house to hold over your head every time he disagreed with 'weekends' or 'tuition', etc. He could be the BiPolarActionHero. In one moment he is great for letting you stay there, and then Satan in your face for not allowing him to control schedules and bills. Cut him loose!
You are holding up so much better than you would have a year ago, and you are becoming so strong as you consider your options on housing. Seems it is time to take the bull by the b@lls, or the X by the agreement ... and get outta there. Cut him loose!
By now you two should be way past keeping notes on each other's behavior ... but I see a need for you to journal X's suggestion that you violate the terms by not selling when a proper offer exists. Journal his interference by refusing his role in seeking permitting of his shed project. Journal his disregard for proper medical tests, diagnosis, and prescriptions when your son was ill. You took the time and responsibility to see the doctor, then follow up with final results to X (I assume you paid for everything) so son could be treated. X's disregard for need to treat son and prevent the spread of disease is imature and irresponsible, at best.
It just seems like you will find more relief than regret by controlling your own future and doing what needs to be done. After everything MLC that I was forced to experience before, during, and after the Sep ... and into the D ... my X wrote angry emails refusing to go to court to sign the final document. Only one of us needed to appear and tell judge it was over. But who ever appeared would pay another hour or two of L fees and X was still furious that we went/paid for mediation when she just wanted me to agree with her terms and just use her L.
That would have made it "our" D, provided her some control, and absolved her of any final guilt. The MLC dream is to end things, maintain control of all things in their life, and be free of guilt. Xs don't always get everything they want. Maybe that has something to do with what they want.
"Good luck" with the permits and sale. "Good grief" regarding the X. Congratulations on living "The Better Life".
