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Well, at least you're honest, I'll give you that. grin

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i am honest, that is one thing about me.

im not ashamed to say that i would still take him back and im still stuck in the triangle.

im also smart enough to know i shouldnt feel this way, although i cant totally manipulate my feelings.

i do well during the day, i tackle my tasks and do what i can to protect things and keep things in order.

but i am still going in circles, still thinking about him and the ow and wondering when it will all cave in.

im wondering what will happen next legally, will he pursue the separation/divorce any further.

i wish i didnt care about what he does, wish i didnt care that he is with that slime of a girl.

i wish she would leave him.

everyone tells me she will but telling me isnt enough.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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She isn't going to leave him until she finds someone else more interested in being her meal ticket. So stop thinking about it.
It's a very simple equation: Work on you. Be the best you. Be the you that 10 million men would want to marry. As you are doing things to improve you and your life and therefore your son's life, H will notice.
That's the only way you are going to win this. Don't be crazy like her. Don't stoop to her level. She is a slim ball, there's nothing you can do but be the complete opposite.
You can do this.


M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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thanks.

i hate when my head runs in circles. the thought-stopping works, to an extent.

i almost feel like my situation keeps reinventing itself, like the clock keeps being reset on it because things change so much.

im trying my best to feel that i can successfully let go. im trying.

but im just not there. i dont feel it.

i hear it, i see it but i dont feel it.

maybe i never will, or maybe its going to be a gradual thing.

i dont know.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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So don't let go. Create a plan of action of how to work on you and the rest will just happen.


M-34/H-35/S-4
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OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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Originally Posted By: almostdonebut...
So don't let go. Create a plan of action of how to work on you and the rest will just happen.


I think she HAS to let go. "A" it works, and "B" it's healthy.

I think the trouble Doodles has is in understanding the difference between "giving up" and "letting go." They are NOT the same.

Puppy

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agreed


M-34/H-35/S-4
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Stronger=Happy
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i think i get the difference, i just need to feel it and be it.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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i would like to wake up without this pain in my heart.

i would like to have a night where i dont have a nightmare about the ow and/or him.

i hate this, i really do.

and i bet, that even if i choose to fully let go, i will still feel this way.

i didnt talk to h yesterday, and im glad. i get anxiety in the last week when i see him calling and/or actually speak to him.

today is the mets game, should be fun, i havent been to the new citifield yet this year. i hear the food is great and costs a fortune, hoping the parking isnt too bad, although that costs a fortune too. it should be crime what they charge to park a car.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 986
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Alright sit down while you read this.
Understand EVERYONE here is here to help you and each other and themselves.
Now, here we go.
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A$$.
Now.
You have to stop this.
Have you read the last resort technique and the last last resort technique?
If no, then READ IT.
I think it's time for you to take control of the situation. You need to let H know you are serious and ready to do business. At this point, he's got complete control. It's not a game to him to not call you one day. It's nothing off of his nose. He is well aware he can come home at any time and you'll be there. Maybe with an attitude, but you'll be there.
So, do a 180. Let him know you are NOT waiting for him. Start to take steps to separate your life. Make it clear to him that you making a list of things you want for you and for your son so that you can make a life WITHOUT HIM..
Here's how I see it:
Your H right now has picked a psychotic woman over you. This woman has annoyed and harassed you. He still picks crazy, over you? Screw him and screw that.
SHUT HIM OUT.
You really need to embrace the cliche: If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you......
But something else for you to consider.....maybe you're too good for him. Maybe you deserve better. Maybe it's time to let this guy know what he's doing exactly and how badly he's about to screw up his life.....not yours, not S's, just his.
Do not look back at this time and think "God, why did I waste that time and energy on him?"
You need to start thinking about you. You need to get pissed here. You need to stop letting him have this control over you. Only YOU control you. You are making this choice....this choice to sit at home and be sick and sad. You are making this choice to give him control. You are making this choice to let this psycho polish lady in your head, in your kitchen and burn things. Kick them both out of your head and your life.
Mdoodles, make a new choice here. You need to pick you and go freaking do it.
You are not going to die. So why are you wasting your life, time and energy on any of this?
He's not coming back to you in this kind of shape. It's not sexy. You think you're hiding it from him by being up beat around him......not a chance. He knows.
Educate him on the new you. The strong you. The real you.


M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy
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