I hate your marriage counselor. I hate that the MC made him look at you and repeat that stupid crap....I just don't see how the hell that was supposed to be helpful. Does your MC understand you would like to save the relationship to be able to turn it into a new more solid marriage? And I agree, let him start conversations and be ready with the funny light random stuff. What kinds of crap did you talk about when you first met? That's the vein you should be thinking in. I think it's great for us too, makes it all lighter....if that makes sense.
"I hate that the MC made him look at you and repeat that stupid crap....I just don't see how the hell that was supposed to be helpful."
To me it kinda goes back to the whole thought of making your own decisions... for you. The idea here is that he is saying he feels nothing and is communicating that clearly. This serves the purpose of helping him "face" his decision. Kinda like Stewart Smally from SNL. He always looked in the mirror and spoke his daily words of affirmation. WAS suffer from the same issues that LBS suffer from. The things that we think will make it "all better" don't usually help us at all. What does him leaving solve other than the immediate issue of him being "unhappy"? He will still a father. He will still have to provide for his family. He will still have responsibility's. He will still have to interact with HVA.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Well, I have decided to go to MC one more time. If I have the handle on things like I think I do at this point, maybe things will be more positive. We had a really bad session about 6 weeks ago, then we had a good session, then we just had our last one which was bad. I think I get what may have gone wrong. If this one is bad, I will probably suggest giving it up.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
The things that we think will make it "all better" don't usually help us at all. What does him leaving solve other than the immediate issue of him being "unhappy"? He will still a father. He will still have to provide for his family. He will still have responsibility's. He will still have to interact with HVA.
I can see your point with the Stewart Smally reference. And I totally agree that leaving will not make it all better.
I also have to tell you that I went back & read your thread. What a cliffhanger! I could never really find info on how you got your wife back. I felt like I was reading a novel, like when you moved out, I was screaming in my mind - no don't do it! Fortunately I knew there was a happy ending.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Good stuff. I hope this one is better. Or maybe you might just neee to switch MC? Switch to someone who understands that MAYBE divorce is not the answer....??? Not sure but I do know I'm going to be so mad for you again, if the MC pulls that stupid "Turn to her and say it...." crap.
I know. Thanks for your support on my thread. It's so helpful to have other people encouraging me through this. I will say that MC is 100% pro marriage. Don't know her motivation in saying to turn to me & say...Maybe she is trying to make him face some realities like FG said.
My only problem with switching MC's is H would probably think I was trying to control the situation again. I know it's an assumption on my part, but I could see him thinking - oh what, this MC hasn't been able to turn me around so now you want to hop to another one to get me to see things YOUR way???
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Very true, very possible. If you are sure she's pro marriage then stay with her. Could you possibly see her alone and let her know you thought that crap sucked? That basically you want to cut back on his opportunities to say such crap? Or maybe find out what the heck she was trying to accomplish with that?
I think you are doing great. You aren't falling apart or groveling or making a fool of yourself which is very hard in times like this.
Another question. Back to the whole conversation thing...last night it was like PULLING TEETH to get anything out of him.
He's got a college bball game on, I say - So which of these teams do you like? He's says neither.
A couple of things I said I only got a grunt. So I stopped talking. I don't want to be annoying either. Should I just keep my mouth shut for awhile & go about my business? It sure does suck being completely shut out.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
yes, stop talking to him unless absolutely necessary. matter of fact, go play with the kids, get on the phone with someone who does want to talk to you. (wish I could give you my number) go work on a 1000 piece puzzle or whatever it is you wish to do. matter of fact, it would be even better if you weren't even home when he gets there. take the kids to do something, get home half an hour after him. come in happy and glowing. If you are already home when he gets there and you have something planned with the kids, invite him but make it VERY VERY clear you are going with or without him, so his answer is irrelevant to you, only to him. he says no. Great, go anyways. Who watches a game when you don't like either team? LOL!!!!
here's a stupid joke to cheer you up.... Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go? A: On a diet
