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How are you today?
My H sent me separation/divorce agreement, via email. I told him to do this to my face, I'm not ending my marriage electronically.
I also made it clear I'm leaving and if he wants to move out and sign a lease, he's only going to bankrupt us which I hate, but I will walk down that road if I have to.
So things are done for me, so I'll give my hope to you.

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by email? interesting....dont u have to do this through a lawyer?

dont make it too easy for him and make sure u protect yourself.

a lawyer will tell u what to do, and he can sign a lease if he wants AFTER your support is put into place, child and spousal.

the remaining money he can do what he wants with, as long as u are covered, u wont care.

as for me, i am doing ok, nothing too new to report.

things between h and i are ok.

i cant ever figure him out, but it is clear he isnt so sold on leaving me...

now its up to me to decide if im done (which i never am) or if im willing to wait it out.

i think im just going to go about my business like i said, make sure fiancially things are being paid, stay friendly but slightly removed and see what happens.

im not interested in proceeding legally.

its terrible i know, but i do feel myself wrapped in the game of winning, and i need to stop that way of thinking. i realize that.

Last edited by mdoodles; 06/16/09 06:50 PM.

me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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mdoodles, all of this is just so hard. You never think you would ever be in this position because we are too smart and we didn't marry guys who would do this....but oddly enough, here we are.
don't beat yourself up. as long as you can organize your thoughts and do what's right, you're going to be ok.

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nope, never thought this would happen to me...as i was walking in the door a few minutes ago, i had a flashback to when we were having work done on this house and i was coming to check on the banister guy - i was just thinking to myself, man, i was once "normal" and had a "normal" life and my husband was "normal"...its amazing isnt it? just thinking back to that time in my life, its just crazy.

i miss that life. i miss my husband from back then. and when i think about those times, it keeps me holding on, that maybe, just maybe, he will fully return.

he is definitely in mlc, i see bits and pieces of the old him and now he sorta went back into his hole but keeps a part out and attached to me.

im so day to day, if i think about the ow, i do the thought-stopping and its working.

im staying focused for now as much as possible.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2009
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mdoodles....

Just checking in on you. I have been away for awhile taking my girls on a vacation.

I am so sorry to hear that the business is really going to close. I was praying for you, hoping for some kind of turn around.

I see where you are coming from on being cute and playful when the time is right. You (we all do) want to show our spouse who we still are, the person that they fell in love with and may be losing. I have done the same thing with my H too. That's the DB thing for doing a 180 I believe.

One thing that I am learning myself is something that my mom use to say to me when I was a kid. I hated hearing it then but by God I am trying hard to do it now. IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!! I have realized in the past that when my H would say something rude or mean I would have a rude or mean comeback for it. Now I try to say something nice or say nothing at all. You could have made nasty remark about finally do something right for the family by your H getting that certificate to you but you were nice. You showed him the woman that he is missing. Kudos to you on do this. Stick with being that woman. You like her better and so does he.

You are doing great and are staying focused. Keep it up. Hopefully things will start falling into place for you.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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thanks. i have always been one to think before i speak. always.

i was genuinely happy he brought his certificate. it wouldnt have even dawned on me to respond with a nasty comment.

we were never the type to fight or make rude comments. he has never ever ever put me down. he would have no reason to.

i do not discuss the ow, if she ever came up however, that is one thing i do say what is on my mind. and really, what can he say to that?

nothing really new to report, staying focused (as best i can), trying to figure out where or when we have to move, busy trying to sell furniture and stuff, thinking what i can plan for the weekend with my son.

still wondering where h is going to get a job, i dont like to press the issue everytime i talk to him, i know he is concerned too. but i also know i dont have to worry too much, he is a workaholic and is in a specialized field with great talent in his industry, so im sure he will find something.

i will offer to help him with a resume, i recall doing one for him when we were in college. he doesnt know how to do these type of things and its in my interest that he has a superb one if he needs one....



Last edited by mdoodles; 06/17/09 11:14 AM.

me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
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Yeah, it's amazing to me when I think about it, how there was NEVER any thought in my mind he and I could end up this way....I married him because I thought he was stronger....but in the end, he just doesn't want to grow up. It makes me too sad to think about it.

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so get this -- i get a letter in the mail today from my lawyer, enclosing a letter from h's lawyer looking to make a settlment with me!!!! is he for real?????

it is dated from last week and if i tell u how he has been acting, i am totally shocked by the letter.

i knew he had called his lawyer 3 weeks ago, didnt think i was ever going to hear anything.

i left a message for my lawyer, when he calls me back, i am going to tell him to sit on this. there is no time frame for a response, let his lawyer reach out again. and when he does, mine can tell him im "thinking" it over...as if!

at the end of the day, if this is what he wants, fine. but im not settling anything, i have gathered and saved all of my documents and proof to protect and support my case to show that nothing gets split down the middle based on his actions.

in the meantime, im in no hurry.

i know this girl is looking to marry him. she can keep waiting.

so happy to know new york does legal separation....something tells me she doesnt know about it.

i do realize i focus too much on ow, cant help it, i just cant.

i will protect myself of course, but im in no hurry to speed this along.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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im sitting here not too happy. i guess i have been naive, or simply not willing to let go.

and he doesnt make it easier for me when his behavior towards me shows the complete opposite of people looking to split legally.

i should be stronger, i should hate him, i should move on and never look back. it sounds good to say, its easy for people to say.

its not that easy.

and the ow? when there is someone else, it hurts double.

and yes, i realize he cant be all that into her if he is still "cheating" on her.

i see this isnt too much about me.

i really think my h doesnt want to be a family man.

in the settlement letter, he is volunteering to give me full custody. who does that so quickly in the first attempt at a settlement?

i even wonder if he knows what the letter says, this is all too weird.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted By: mdoodles


in the settlement letter, he is volunteering to give me full custody. who does that so quickly in the first attempt at a settlement?



A man of poor character, and a lousy father, in my opinion -- that's who.

Why do you even want this man? confused

Puppy

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