Hey Stuck. I want to read your thread and answer within the context of your sitch. Also, I was pretty close being WAS myself in my R so I can relate pretty well to the W.
I'll tell you one thing. When H walked away, that sure changed the dynamic and fast but I am hell-bent on staying married and he knows it. So I guess I'd like to know, how much value does your W place on M as its own entity? I mean, does it torment her to think of D or does she see it as something that just happens? I'm curious what you know about her feelings re this, pre-bomb...
Don't be discouraged about that. My W would look down too when all this first started, but it didn't stop me from looking at her.
What I would do is that when she would look down, I would stop talking but keep looking at her. Then she would look up to see if I was done and when she did, I continued to talk.
The key is to look, not stare and always do it in a friendly manner with a smile. Make her feel comfortable.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"how much value does your W place on M as its own entity? I mean, does it torment her to think of D or does she see it as something that just happens? I'm curious what you know about her feelings re this, pre-bomb..."
Before the bomb, she felt that M was something that you stayed in and honored. Prior to getting engaged and even after we were M, she was always paranoid about me cheating on her. Her dad cheated on her mom and left them and her sister flat when she was 6. Left and didn't come home. So she would always ask me if I cheated on her if I would ever admit it to her. I never gave it a second thought because I knew I would never cheat on her so I'd joke around and give her a half ass answer.
Lo and behold, I found out she had an EA with her boss last year. It was especially hard for me because since she always made a big deal about cheating, she was the last person I imagined doing it. To this day, she denies it was cheating because they didn't "do" anything. Let's see...kissing while you're married, hiding messages, trading gifts...yep doesn't sound like an A to me!
During all of this, my W never gave me a firm reason as to why she wants out. I've had to piece everything together since her reasons were constantly changing. Now her canned response to a R talk is, don't you get it I don't want to be married anymore, I don't love you, etc.
So she's a bit of a headcase.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
