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oh and how did he take his dose of reality?

as if i didnt say anything, as if no big deal.

i had gone to the store with information written out for him as if he were a child.

i need him to call the bank and dispute charges on our account, that only he can dispute.

its not a large amount of money, but to me, if we can get the money back, money is money.

he took the paper and was like, yeah ok, im on it right away. and put it in his pocket.

then i told him he needs to give me his birth certificate to make a copy of for our health insurance.

he was like, yeah, when i get around to finding it.

so i was like, if nothing else, put some hop in your step so our son gets insurance.

realizing waiting on him to do something is silly, i called the broker and explained the situation.

she will now proceed on getting my insurance and my son's. she will send out a letter to my h requesting the certificate from him. if he fails to provide it, he will not receive insurance.

dont mess with me lol.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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I didn't think you were going to get much reaction out of him. The next time something like this comes up is it possible to maybe ask him to take over the task of getting it done? Making him feel useful for the whole family?
I think his ego has taken a big big hit here. Many men feel they have to be the main provider, they have to go out and "hunt" and when they can't they feel bad.
I would try to build him up.

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all i do is build him up.

we were once upper class wealthy people at the age of 25, he hit a crisis and we plummeted.


then we chose to open a business, because of the faith i had in him and his abilities, wanting us to start fresh.

i stood by him, helped him to tackle his debt, all while we planned a store.

he left a great job to do it and now the store isnt doing wel.

so yes, im sure he feels like he cant provide.

at the same time, he does nothing to redeem himself or talk rationally about any of it.

to me, the store still has potential, and i tell him all the time how i still believe in him and his ability to make it a succcess. but he is washing his hands of it rather than doing things to improve it.

i try my best to handle things, when i was never the one handling the finances.

i cant leave financial things to him anymore, he barely looks at the mail.

because he is overwelmed by it, yes, but it still needs to be looked at.

we are on good terms, we do not fight, he gives me just enough to keep me still interested in him.

i just spoke to him a few minutes ago which always sets me back because we are on good terms and then i miss him.

im still trying to keep him from shutting the store, but there is only so much i can do.

unless someone wants help or advice, they dont accept help or advice.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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You are right about that.
So here's my suggestion, for what it's worth: maybe work it so keeping the store opened is HIS idea, not yours. I'm not sure how you could do this but if he thinks it's your idea, he's def against it right now.
We say white, they say black.
We say stay, they say go.
Keep being supportive though. I think that's great and great for your son for you two to be at least civil to each other.
Good things can grow from there.

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we are more than civil to eachother, thats what always makes our odd relationship of late so interesting.

my son has no clue there is a problem between us.

i like what u are saying, try to make it that its his idea to stay opened. not sure how to do that.

im going to try again tomorrow and see what i can do.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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h showed up this morning to bring me his birth certificate for the health insurance.

i was rather surprised.

he didnt say much, just more negativity about the store.

im tired of his negative attitude.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
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How about this....?
Maybe say to him "What do YOU want to do about the store? You've been the provider for this family for so long....you've done a great job and gotten us out of jams before....so I'm going to trust you on this one because it's worked out for me in the past.....what do you think? Should we sell or fight it out here?"
Now it's truly his idea.

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well, he is set on closing the store so all he will say is he is closing.

and in terms of getting us out of jams? nope.

we were never in jams until he went wild. now we are in a jam, and is certainly not being proactive to get us out.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
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Well, not sure then....but work on something to give him that ego boost....he's feeling down and he may reciprocate and do the same for you.
I think if you want to trust him again, give him a nudge in that direction that you already do....

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Do you think that him bringing his Birth Certificate to you as he said he would is worth commenting on? Maybe you could say something nice about that? Maybe just something as simple as "Thanks for not making me stress about that" or something like that.

Last edited by bluerain; 06/12/09 08:40 PM.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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