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You ML with him???

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Happy birthday to you for tomorrow!!

If you had intimate contact with him, how did that make you feel? Did you feel good about it afterwards or did you feel guily? I understand having the intimate contact. My H and I was seperating about a year ago and during the process of it we met twice for ML (in a hotel of all places). It felt great while it was happening, not just phisically but mentally and emotionally too, but afterwards I felt so guilty and just kinda down about it. Like that was the only thing that we had in common anymore and I did not want to just connect with him on that level only. I am only telling you about what I went through so you know that whatever your emotions and felligns are right now, I have been there too and understand it.

Hope you have a good day with your friends and with your family.
I will check in with you after I get back form having a weekend with my H. We are trying to reconnect with each other right now on a more emotional level. Good luck to you.


Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09
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ive been at a loss for words since last night.

im all over the place and confused and at the same time alittle happy.

i realize the situation between my h and i cannot remain this way, that he must must must remove ow from his life or we will never have a real chance at a good marriage, or a marriage of any kind.

i also realize that he is a very confused man, in a mlc that has yet to run its course.

i realize as well that i cannot wait for him any longer, that although over these past years things have changed, he has been home and not 2 different times, that it cant continue.

i feel better knowing he is not fine, not ever sold on choosing the ow.

i feel like i have some breathing room to make a decision myself.

if this makes sense, i kinda want control of the situation, rather than have him do it for me.

maybe this is where i pull back, and feel ok with it.

im not ready to proceed legally, although i may never be.

i do want him back, but it has to be done the right way.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
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Happy Birthday, Doodles! grin

I pray that you will find some joy today, and especially that your year ahead will be filled with positive personal growth and happiness. I know that seems far off right now, but it DOES get better, I promise you.

Yes, take some control. It only makes sense that the one who has the marriage's best interests at heart do so. And right now, that ain't him.

Hugs & Nuzzles,

Puppy

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Doodles,

First, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Second, I have not posted before to you but this statement really caught my eye.

Quote:
[/quote] feel better knowing he is not fine, not ever sold on choosing the ow.

i feel like i have some breathing room to make a decision myself.

if this makes sense, i kinda want control of the situation, rather than have him do it for me.

maybe this is where i pull back, and feel ok with it.

im not ready to proceed legally, although i may never be.

i do want him back, but it has to be done the right way.[quote]


this is so me right now! Hugs, You will know what to do when the time comes as will I.

J


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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Happy Birthday.
I understand the ML part even though you really don't want to you do and it's a way, maybe the ultimate way, to be close to someone.
How did you feel afterward I think should help you determine if you will be doing that again.
I'm no expert on this stuff, looks like marriage is ending. But looking back I wish I could have done a better job at shutting up and being more happy and light around him.
So please, shut up. Lighten up. Take care of you and he'll see that. That's really the only thing that will bring him back....if you show him happiness is with you because you are happy with yourself. That takes the pressure off of him to make you happy which is a lot of pressure.

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thanks...things between us have certainly lightened up, rather surprisingly so im going with it. ive been no pressure, just nice and fun and if anything, encouraging to him regarding the store and work.

this always happens with us, although im really surprised after last week how quickly things changed once again.

i try not to have my hopes up, but cant help it, it creeps in.

im doing my best to lay low (to an extent) not bring her up and not antagonize.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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is it safe to say my h did not contact his lawyer when he said he did last tuesday? wouldnt i have heard something by now? its been like 11 days.

the action was filed last year, its just been sitting for over a year.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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im fighting my urge to text him right now...

i dont even know what i would want to say, but i know nothing i say will do anything to help me any more than not texting him.

i hate this.

i was doing alittle better but sometimes it just hits me, ya know?

i had him here. he was home. and now he isnt.

and he is back on the fence. who knows how long he may remain on the fence again?

i cant keep waiting for him, i cant keep waiting for him to figure himself out. and even if he came home, who is to say he wouldnt leave again?

i dont know what to do. i know im not ready to end the marriage, but i also know that something definitive has to happen rather soon.

i have to move. dont know where i am going or if he is coming.

at one point we thought of moving in with my in laws until we got back on our feet.

maybe its not such a bad idea anymore, assuming he is coming with me!

i want to blame him and yell at him and fault him for putting us in this terrible position.

we were once so well off at such a young age and now im battling to find health insurance. its crazy.

his affair, his mlc at 26 did us in.

and the store? the store was supposed to help us for a fresh start and its not doing even half of what it was supposed to and it seems he is totally giving up on it.

im such an optomist, i try to spin a positive light on things when i talk to him.

but right now i cant help but think he is with the ow.

just needed to vent.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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so glad i resisted the urge to text h last night.

i relate these urges to the urges of an emotional eater.

if i would have texted last night, for no reason, i would have felt guilty about it this morning, kinda like if u eat at night, the box of cookies when you werent even hungry and then take it out on yourself the next day. lol.

i wish i could find the balance of fighting for my marriage and moving on at the same time.

sometimes i think i am doing it, sometimes i think the not letting go isnt helping me to move on.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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