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thanks. im doing ok, but when im doing ok, its because im in denial.

i cant expect to accept this so quickly. i fall in and out of denial all day and all night.

when i dont talk to him, i build him up again to the person he used to be, who i want him to be.

and right now, there is nothing i can do to change my feelings.

im getting out, going on with my life, but icant change the way i feel about him.

maybe over time i will, im not ready yet.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
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Yes, Over time you will.

Take Care Mdoodles.


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
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Hey mdoodles,

Just wanted to share a thought with you. Since my H and I are also on our second separation, I try to keep reminding myself that we're here again because there is a lesson that one or both of us was suppose to learn the last time and it didn't happen. I forced the reconciliation and neither of us changed. I'm hoping we both learn the lesson that's needed this time round. Just a thought I wanted to share with you. Gotta be a reason we're in dejavu again.

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i have cried less today than yesterday, although i think right now each day doesnt get better, it is just going to be up and down for a while.

i made sure to put on my eye makeup, perhaps if i think about crying and remember i have my eye makeup on, i will not want to ruin it!

vicky, we are certainly in this again because there is a lesson that one or both of us was to learn.

i really do feel that i did everything possible to make us work, but i did not enforce certain boundaries.

and i feel that my h did not give himself time between ending with ow and coming home which backfired.

who knows what will happen, i hate that the future is so uncertain.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
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I guess I need some clarification:
Where is H now?
Have you made the decision to end it?
What is the situation with the store?

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h is not home, for the last week, assuming he is with ow.

i never make the decision to end it, so no, i dont want to end my marriage.

what i want is the fantasy of the following:
h wakes up, sees how he is messing up our lives, comes home, apologizes, end its permanently with ow, we attend counseling and live happily ever after. lol.

sounds good, right?

my h said he called his lawyer last week, i have yet to hear anything.

the store? the store is still operating but will most likely close any day, we cannot afford to still operate it. we are trying to sell it.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 626
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Ok, that helps.
Then just chill for a bit.
Take care of you and cry all you want. Don't time how much you cry per day. Let it all out.
But you have to pull yourself together when he's around or calls.
Start there, start by being super and beautiful when he's around. Start being that confident sexy woman he fell in love with. If you don't feel like her right now, who cares? You will soon enough. And that's something I'm working on right now with you, we'll do it together. No more feeling sorry for ourselves....it's time to be sexy, solid and confident again. Do you really think this stupid OW is better than you? Do you know what she is? She's nothing...and I mean that in every sense of the word. She's not the best English speaker so he doesnt' have to much to impress her there...she's got none of the responsibility tied to her that you do. He doesn't "owe" her anything. He owes you so much and he's not feeling like he can repay that now or maybe ever, so it's easier to run away. And it's easier to run away if you are being so mean and so crazy and "I can't take her crap anymore". So stop it. Give him no reason to complain about you to anyone. I'm working on that too.
Come on, this is me giving you my hand. Get up....walk with me.

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thank you. u are right. im done asking about her, mentioning her.

but i had to last week, i had to in the past.

i was counting on him to really be done with her. counting on him. had to lay it out for him, if not just because of us, but because of the undertaking of the new business, which was done to get him away from her.

and once he was home, once the money was being poured into the business, i couldnt sit quiet when i knew he was starting up with her again.

but now its been said, and now im quiet on that topic.

u are right, he should have nothing to say about me. even before, how can he say? look at what he has done.

im trying to remain strong and positive.

he will be here any minute to see our son, but that involves me too.

its must kill ow to know he will always see me. good. she shouldnt be involved with a married man.

i see a private caller called me before, i always think its her, when ive confirmed it is no one i know.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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i am in the most f---d up relationship.

h comes, uses his key to come in. sits himself down on the couch, with the blanket on his lap as if nothing, as if he didnt up and leave me.

playful with our son, we were all in the den, i made small talk.

son leaves room, he is still sitting with me.

then my son came back in, they went to go wash his car in the driveway.

i notice he took in my garbage cans. it must be love again. when he was living here and got angry about it, he didnt bring in the garbage cans.

i swear, i will never get over him, never move on, as long as little things like this continue.

and im allowing them to continue. because i want them.

not sure what im supposed to do.

its as if he didnt leave here.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
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Not much we can do to help you then, doodles. As long as you continue to let him behave this way, this is exactly what he will do.

It's true what they say: we teach people how to treat us.

Good luck,

Puppy

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