Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 100 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 99 100
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
Originally Posted By: mdoodles

this is incredibly hard. i dont know how to give up. i have held on for almost 3 years.


This is me. I can say that Im happy to see someone else having the same problem as me. I do wonder quite often if I am only hanging on to be the "winner". If I was someone else, I dont think I would want this man. For all the pain he has put me through...well, it sucks! My problem go alot deeper with my H than what i tell. Of course I do keep some things to myself on here....I honestly am having a hard time emotionally separating myself from my H.

He went from texting me right often everyday for no good reason to just doing occasionally over the past month. I feel as if he has left me all over again. Only just by being so withdrawn lately. His ex OW has gotten an annullment from her H of only 6 months, and things have been weird ever since. He wont open up and talk to me anymore. I saw a quote from someone else on the boards that said "let go or be dragged".....thats what i feel like now. Im being dragged through the mud by a man that wont really let go either. We have been separated clearly long enough to get a divorce, but he hasnt even mentioned it in the 8 months since i gave him back the sep papers, that he wanted back so badly.

Thanks for posting and reading my Thread Mdoodles....Its always nice to know that Im not alone.

Now, how can we help each other through this????

Last edited by kissak; 06/01/09 02:06 PM.

Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
i havent a clue!

today i am just so sad, so suffering.

and last year at this time, i was doing ok, thought i accepted we were done and i got sucked back in.

i should be so so angry with him, especially with the business we opened that will now close.

but my anger gets me nowhere.

im sure i will here from my lawyer today or tomorrow, that we are to move ahead with the separation.

i dont want this. i never wanted this.

i dont know how to not talk to him, how to not be on our good terms.

i dont know how to ever believe him again either.

i dont know how we get through this, i honestly dont know how.

its easy for everyone to tell me it takes time. no one is in my shoes.

from the outside, sure, it looks like i should hate him and never want him again.

but i dont know how to get over his touch. i just dont.

or i just dont want to. yet.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
I understand completely! I am in the same spot in a way....my thing is that how do I not talk to him? Just now this morning he has texted me twice just to say hello....Of course if I dont talk back I get fussed at. He then wants to know why Im not talking, then he will even call to see whats wrong....but if he goes all day and doesnt say anything to me...well Im just supposed to not let it bother me.

I think these men only want us as a convienence to them. We are here when they need us, but when they dont, we are forgotten. They can turn there feelings on and off so easily.

I have a feeling my H has just found a new interest right now, I think he is just spending more time talking to her now, getting to know someone new is always exciting...so then im put on the back burner. It will pass Im sure. He will be back, again. But I dont know that i will be strong enough to say no. Unless I have found someone else, but then I dont even wanna look to find someone else, just in case, you know?

Will get through this some how mdoodles....we will. I have to admitt it has gotten easier to deal with, but it still hurts just the same.


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
sure, it gets easier to deal with, but then things change again, we get sucked back in and voila, it happens all over.

im smart. im not stupid. but my heart is leading right now.

ive decided that after i cry, get angry at what has occurred, i revert back to the fantasy i have made him into.

he isnt the same person that i married, that i have my amazing life with.

he is there, yes, but hidden under the mixed up, screwed up husband.

he took our amazing life, amazing family and threw it in the toilet. and i watched it all happen.

and as i watched, is said this cant be. and the me saying this cant be, overpowered the part of me that sees what he is doing and what he is capable of.

but i cant turn off my attraction to him. its just not that simple.

i cant never see him, because of our son.

but, i cant let him come and go, i just cant.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
thats what happens to me too. I do get angry at him. Im ok with it for a day or 2, I dont wanna talk to him or see him, then I do. then he is nice to me, and I fall back into his trap again.

Just like today, i dont wanna talk so much, only because he isnt....then he just texted me wanting to know if I was busy or something, I say not really, and the he said "so your just not talking?"

ugh!

they think this is all on there terms, but we need to just realize that WE are in control here...not them!

Come on Mdoodles....we need to be the strong women we know we are and figure out how to let go.

Im here, i will try my best to help you. I dont wanna be here any more than you do. I want my marriage back. But, right now I just wanna be happy. I want my heart to stop hurting. I know you want the same. One day they will realize they are the ones that messed up!!


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
Originally Posted By: mdoodles


but i cant turn off my attraction to him. its just not that simple.


No, but you can finally decide to stop ACTING upon it, and doing the hard work that's necessary.

Only you will know when you're ready to do that.

Puppy

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
u are right puppy. u are right.

and i had been there before, i was starting to move on. and i fell again.

this year is just so much harder to move past it.

with everything that happened, with our house, with the business, him leaving his job for the business, coming home and leaving.

and now i dont have time to sit and ponder and gal while still living in our home.

i have to figure out how to have health insurance until he finds another job, figure out how to sell the business and get some money back.

its all hard to swallow when we were once in a care free position at the age of 25. people that young should not have so much money that they dont know what to do with it!

i know i will be ok. and i know this is a process i have to go through.

but waking up in the morning and missing him is just alot to bear right now.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
going out tonight with my friends, they are insisting they take me out for my birthday which is friday.

i didnt want to go, but i know it is good for me.

spoke to h an hour ago.

i had called him earlier and while it was ringing, our song came on the radio. the song is 11 years old, explain the fairness!

i waiver between accepting the situation and denial.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,666
Y
Member
Offline
Member
Y
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,666
I hope you have a wonderful time. You deserve it. It seems our timelines are about the same. I hope things get better for you soon.




Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon


Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
thank you. i do deserve a nice night out! we all do.

i just checked your thread, i see u have reached a point where u are ready to give up and let go.

my problem is that i think i reach that point, and then i revert back.

its like we have held on so long, it becomes second nature to do so.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Page 10 of 100 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 99 100

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard