Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 100 1 2 7 8 9 10 11 99 100
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,501
Mdoodles, arent you moving out of your house anyway? To sell it? Maybe then the proper advice would be to NOT pack his things, but get on the stick packing yours.

But if thats not the case, I would at least get some boxes. Maybe you can start by taking his movies out of the DVD case, or his books, or coffee cup. Start small. When you dont have traces of him everywhere to make you think of him, you will feel better.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
yes, i am moving. where or when exactly, not so sure yet.

took my son to the park, it is a beautiful day. im pulling myself together, atleast for the moment.

my husband called my cell 2 times while at the park, i didnt answer. i figured on the 3rd i would, but he onyl called 2 times.

he didnt try me at home, perhaps he drove by thinking we would be home so he could see our son and then tried my cell.

you know what? call and make the arrangement, dont just assume im home.

im going to my in laws for dinner, for my father in laws birthday. im glad they invited me, i dont want it to become weird between us, atleast not yet lol.

i doubt my h will be there.

Last edited by mdoodles; 05/31/09 07:38 PM.

me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
so i decided to text my h that i missed his calls and he can call at home if he chooses...i didnt want him to ever say that because im angry i wasnt letting our son talk to him.

so he called, i picked up and only said hold on, put my son on. when he was done talking, my son wanted to give me the phone and i said, if u are done, u can say goodbye.

im trying here. it hurts, who knows if he even notices or cares that im not talking.

but im trying something new.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
if anyone likes to read, im reading a great book - Split , by suzanne finnemore....its the authors hysterical story of her divorce.

hysterical.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
Originally Posted By: mdoodles
so i decided to text my h that i missed his calls and he can call at home if he chooses...i didnt want him to ever say that because im angry i wasnt letting our son talk to him.

so he called, i picked up and only said hold on, put my son on. when he was done talking, my son wanted to give me the phone and i said, if u are done, u can say goodbye.

im trying here. it hurts, who knows if he even notices or cares that im not talking.

but im trying something new.


Good job, doodles. I know this is very counterintuitive, but this is the way you have to go.

Puppy

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
i so knew it - he expected me to be home at 3:00, expected that i should have known he would be coming because he would close the store at that time.

u know what? he could have called earlier, could have emailed, could have texted to say, please have son home, i would like to come by after work.

i never spoke to him. it crossed my mind that he may decide to come, but i never heard from him, and he made it clear he really didnt want to hear from me. i was not about to call and say, oh are u coming today, because to me, that looks desperate.

so i was out, at the park.

imagine i was sitting here when he decided he should come, he would think to himself, she is always home.

i had heard from my mil that he was wondering where i was, that i should have assumed he was coming.

i dont assume anything with him. he could have left a message when i didnt answer or sent a text and said, i am at the house, where are u.

i went to my in laws for dinner, it was weird because i think we got used to h being around.

my mil only wants us back together.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
He, he, him, him. Whatever. What are YOU going to do tomorrow, what are YOUR goals for this week??

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 126
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 126
I would not be too quick to wish for anger - the problem is with lying down and taking it for so long, which i did, is that yea eventually the anger DOES come and boy is it ever UGLY and really uncontrollable. When it hits (and it does so when they finally cross an invisible line) it hits like a CYCLONE and thats when you'll do and say things you REALLY regret. heck I did. And it carried on that anger, for 2 years. In that time, I blasted the OW, I blasted his family, I THREW OUT all his stuff (no packing for me! it all went in the bin even the valuables), I filed for divorce, and I went to the Supreme Court of Australia to get my kids formally having MY surname. Then as a little finisher, I informed him thru his 'family' that if he ever came back to this country I would have him so tied up in court and would make it my personal GOAL to ruin his entire life.

NOW: did all that bring me satisfaction? oh immensely; it was GREAT. DID IT ALSO NEARLY UNDO ME MENTALLY? oh yes, oh yes I came close to the abyss. I was teetering on the very edge. DID ANY OF THIS ACTUALLY HELP? nope not a bit. About the only thing I could say now is that im fairly sure he's so utterly terrified of his tiny little submitting wife going absolutely postal within 12 months on him that hes NEVER gonna want to see ME again. Have I won? um... no.

so never wish for that kind of anger. never ever ever. it might come on you and if it does, you wont welcome it. It does make it easier to let them go; but you tend to let go with a flamethrower and butane and is THAT good for YOU, or your KIDS??? heck No. its very unhealthy.

and yanno, after experiencing that type of rage at the machine anger, you STILL have to face the grief you are right now - so all your doing really is putting it off. I know now (hindsight, I love it) that all I was doing was trying to put off the inevitable and bone crushing sadness and howling pulling out your hair kind of grief. I put it off very well. it worked out, but it still came, and then I had regret over my postal attitude to go with the general grief.

You said before you were a lady, to the OW. you have kept your self respect. Dont give him a chance to call you crazy as well, get thru the grief cleanly and like a lady, as you have been all this time - hard it may be but WOW what a woman. your a tough cookie and hard as. It is a weakness to give into anger. it is a strength to fully embrace the grief and just GET THRU IT, because it isnt going anywhere til you do...

but rest assured the same applies to HIM. you'll be over it before HE has even began. I know that for sure. My ex is only NOW three years after walking, starting to circle the drain. oh well such is life!


When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
the mornings are terrible.

i am so used to him calling like clockwork.

this just doesnt feel right.

i think im worse today than yesterday.

my friends are taking me out for my birthday tonight.

i dont feel like it. i know iknow, i have to go.

i just dont feel like it.

this doesnt feel right, the whole thing doesnt feel right.

i cant switch my emotions off for him, i cant change how things have been between us just like that, the way he can.


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 126
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 126
You are doing it for you, and you are trying hard to get happy in your life, for you. you love yourself right? dont you want to be happy? your happiness doesnt depend on another person. Know full well that after all this, that realisation will be so hardwired into you, that NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE THIS POWER OVER YOU AGAIN!!!!

that doesnt mean you wont love again - you will - but you will always remember that maintaining who you ARE as an individual is a gift hard won and not something you'll give up easily again. You will never sell out your identity; you will always be true to yourself.

you do not have to let go you do not have to force yourself to feel anything, in fact you cant anyway; you'll go thru the full sprectrum of suffering, but its a passage worth travelling, to get back to you again. try, if you can, to shift the focus off HIM a bit, and more onto you.

may I recommend (and pls ignore if you like!) that the dalai lamas book "the art of happiness" may help you.

xoxoxo


When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
Page 9 of 100 1 2 7 8 9 10 11 99 100

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard