yes, im sure there is a big elephant in the room! and it must stink for her to know he can never truly get rid of me, because of our son.
i pray she meets someone else and leaves him. that is what i want.
it would make this that much better on me. atleast for now.
i hate waking up in the morning. in my sleep i dream we are ok, and then i wake up.
its terrible.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Sometimes I think OP's like the idea of acting like a sitcom and settling down with a nice cup of tea with the cheated on wife or husband and saying "no hard feelings, lets be friends".
That's why I feel that those LBSs who DO this, only enable their wayward spouse's poor behavior.
the few times ive spoken to her, i spoke like a lady to tell her the truth.
there is nothing else to say to someone like that.
i spoke nicely, u get more bees with honey.
now that she knows the truth, she can do what she wants with it, which seems to be to believe him.
i hope my words weigh heavy on her.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
i wish i had the ability to pack his things and leave them by the door.
i cant do it.
and i wonder why he cant either.
i want to let go, to be so angry that i dont want him back.
ive held on to hope for so long, i dont know how to let go.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Doodles, I know this isn't easy (in fact, it's the hardest thing you've ever had to do, I'm sure), but the fact is that your husband's behavior is utterly predictable, and you have a role in enabling it. Go back and re-read what WhatdidIdo and I posted to you back when you first came on the board, in January, and then again when you re-posted a few months later.
If you will be honest with yourself, you will see where you failed to fully confront your husband.
Please understand: his wayward behavior is NOT your fault. His affair(s) are on his soul alone. But how you REACT to his poor behavior IS under your control, and you've never really been willing to insist upon the things that a healthy Doodles should need in order for a wayward spouse to GET to come back home to her.
Again, go back and read specifically WDID's posts, and look at your responses to them. I see a bunch of "Oh, that will never work," and "he'll never do that," and "that will only make him angry," etc.
We told you that stuff back then because we cared, and we didn't want to see you hurt again.
u are right, i didnt insist. i spoke up, said what needed to be said, but didnt insist.
so what do i do now? i honestly think too much has occurred for us to get back together.
i said that last year too, and things turned around.
but this time, after the business, too much has gone down.
but i still hold out hope. what should i do with it?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
why am i so afraid to do that? everyone tells me to pack his things and i wont do it.
im afraid of making this real, making it peramanent.
either way it has to be done, i have to move in the next few months.
this whole time of under 3 years, he has left and come back left and come back, and my closet has always been full of his stuff, the garage, the drawers etc.
his shoes are by the door and i cant move them.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I would recommend doing this to pretty much ANYONE whose spouse had done to them what yours had done. But for someone such as yourself, to whom the mere presence of their spouses belongings have so many emotional triggers that hold you back, I think it's trebly important.
I think where you're hung up is this "I'm afraid to make it real" thing.
Honey, it IS real.
Or, as someone else posted to you recently, "He already IS gone."
I say that not to hurt you further, but to try to get you to see the reality of your situation so you can begin to deal with it more effectively, and -- eventually -- heal.
