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Originally Posted By: mdoodles


i feel like going to the store now and handing him money. and i shouldnt.


Doodles,

Re-read those two sentences of yours. Therein lies the key to real, successful DBing, and therein also lies the problem YOU'RE having.

DBing isn't complex, but it does take DISCIPLINE. Until you can force yourself to "Do the Right Thing," instead of what you FEEL like doing, you will never have any success.

You can't afford to keep operating entirely by your feelings. Especially when you know it's not the right move.

It's not EASY, I know, but it is SIMPLE.

Puppy

Joined: Nov 2008
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doodles, I think I have moved past just a little where you are. Mommy is right, I think you're still in shock. That's a hard place to be because we just can't fathom what they're doing. It's like they're aliens and just don't think rationally. YOU WILL BE OKAY! I promise! Right now I don't know that you need a plan so much as you just need to try to get a hold on your emotions. Deep breaths. This is not the end of the world, although it seems like it. Baby steps. Take care of you....he will take care of himself. I know the business puts another wrench in things, but if you know it's going under, hold onto your money! You're going to need it for yourself. May be hokey, but I have a song for you...the first time I heard it on the radio I literally pulled over and just listened to it. I like it because it acknowledges the pain, but also hope for the future. It's by Leona Lewis

"Better In Time"

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice
you mean everything
Quickly I'm learnin'
To love again
All I know is
I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something that'd remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let that hurt my feelings
But that's the path I've been living
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time


Me:42
H:47
T:11 yrs
M:5 1/2 yrs
Death of my step daughter in July 2008
He began relationship with OW in August 2008
H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
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do u know i avoided that song always, because i didnt want it to ever mean something to me? how ironic.

i know im in shock. im trying to just accept im miserable for now, rather than keep trying to be ok already.

i have held on for so so so so long, through so many things, gone from being served for the divorce, to us working it out, being served with foreclosure papers, to us trying to save the house.

i had shingles a few months ago, from stress.

i look in the mirror, and im like, im too young, too smart and way too pretty for this!

but it just doesnt help.

i have to let go of the life i once had and think about starting over. and i just dont want to.

i want him back. i dont want her to have him. and i cant let go of that.

i cant let go of who we used to be, i cant look at him and not feel attracted to him.

10 years is a long time to be with someone, especially since im only 30. all i know is him.

he did aweful things, so aweful, and i still want him? i know i deserve better, whats wrong with me?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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do u know i avoided that song always, because i didnt want it to ever mean something to me? how ironic.

i know im in shock. im trying to just accept im miserable for now, rather than keep trying to be ok already.

i have held on for so so so so long, through so many things, gone from being served for the divorce, to us working it out, being served with foreclosure papers, to us trying to save the house.

i had shingles a few months ago, from stress.

i look in the mirror, and im like, im too young, too smart and way too pretty for this!

but it just doesnt help.

i have to let go of the life i once had and think about starting over. and i just dont want to.

i want him back. i dont want her to have him. and i cant let go of that.

i cant let go of who we used to be, i cant look at him and not feel attracted to him.

10 years is a long time to be with someone, especially since im only 30. all i know is him.

he did aweful things, so aweful, and i still want him? i know i deserve better, whats wrong with me?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
do u know i avoided that song always, because i didnt want it to ever mean something to me? how ironic.

i know im in shock. im trying to just accept im miserable for now, rather than keep trying to be ok already.

i have held on for so so so so long, through so many things, gone from being served for the divorce, to us working it out, being served with foreclosure papers, to us trying to save the house.

i had shingles a few months ago, from stress.

i look in the mirror, and im like, im too young, too smart and way too pretty for this!

but it just doesnt help.

i have to let go of the life i once had and think about starting over. and i just dont want to.

i want him back. i dont want her to have him. and i cant let go of that.

i cant let go of who we used to be, i cant look at him and not feel attracted to him.

10 years is a long time to be with someone, especially since im only 30. all i know is him.

he did aweful things, so aweful, and i still want him? i know i deserve better, whats wrong with me?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
do u know i avoided that song always, because i didnt want it to ever mean something to me? how ironic.

i know im in shock. im trying to just accept im miserable for now, rather than keep trying to be ok already.

i have held on for so so so so long, through so many things, gone from being served for the divorce, to us working it out, being served with foreclosure papers, to us trying to save the house.

i had shingles a few months ago, from stress.

i look in the mirror, and im like, im too young, too smart and way too pretty for this!

but it just doesnt help.

i have to let go of the life i once had and think about starting over. and i just dont want to.

i want him back. i dont want her to have him. and i cant let go of that.

i cant let go of who we used to be, i cant look at him and not feel attracted to him.

10 years is a long time to be with someone, especially since im only 30. all i know is him.

he did aweful things, so aweful, and i still want him? i know i deserve better, whats wrong with me?


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
did i mention i got pulled over today and i got my first ticket ever? just my luck.

i tried to explain to the cop that this can only add to my day, that my husband is leaving me for an illegal immigrant looking to get married for citizenship.

i thought maybe he could help me with that...i guess not


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
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OP Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
did i mention i got pulled over today and i got my first ticket ever? just my luck.

i tried to explain to the cop that this can only add to my day, that my husband is leaving me for an illegal immigrant looking to get married for citizenship.

i thought maybe he could help me with that...i guess not


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 35
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Babe, I know, I know! If you're like me you're wanting to hold onto the person who used to be there. I'll be in a store or something and look around and go "How could I possibly have a relationship with any of these people? I want him". But then I think about the last 6 months and all of the lies, all of the nights I discovered he had seen her when he was supposed to be with friends, all of the emails I saw (and kept...I look at them sometimes). You said it yourself...you're too young, too pretty, and too smart for this! This doesn't mean that in the future there might not be a chance, but right now we have to look at right now. How are we going to get through today, through tonight, with respect and dignity intact? Sounds feeble, but I signed up for a writing class that starts in 2 weeks. I'm really looking forward to it. I used to write when I was in high school. Maybe it will open up the door to a book, wouldn't that be a scream?? And I will not change the names to make sure I incriminate the guilty, LOL! So sorry about your ticket...that cop must have been an a**. A little empathy would be nice. My parents are going to be here soon to take me out to dinner. I'll check back later to see how you're doing. Remember, one step at a time!


Me:42
H:47
T:11 yrs
M:5 1/2 yrs
Death of my step daughter in July 2008
He began relationship with OW in August 2008
H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,011
thanks, i appreciate your support. unfortunately, we are both in this but atleast we can support eachother.

i try to stop texting him, i was so so good at the dbing stuff and its all out the window.

it truly is one step at a time. one foot in front of the other.

i guess it could be worse, i could be stuck in bed, unable to get out.

i get my son ready for school, i even went to the gym again today.

and get this- a woman did the elliptical machine today in her nightgown - i kid u not! so atleast i was able to get dressed, i was a step ahead of her!


me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
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