Hello everyone! So I guess I made it, I got the golden ticket 2nd chance to Piecing. Funny thing is, when I just tried to create a new thread here a message came up "you are not allowed to create a new topic in this forum" (I am never logged out, but I had changed some settings on my PC and was logged out and hadnt realised). For a moment then, I thought the universe was trying to tell me something!! So anyway I am piecing it seems and now the hard work begins.
It already has, but me and my bf have such a harmonious way of relating that we have already laughed about some issues that could have been difficult/upsetting. But then anyone following my threads will have seen that humour always saved us. Thats what I noticed this weekend. We were amongst friends and me and him were the ones that made others laugh alot, but more to the point, we laughed privately alot.. we really crack each other up. It was absolutely lovely. Thats one of the reasons I wanted him in my life again on a permanent basis. Other than I love him, of course, but wow, he always made me laugh so much the past 13+ years and boy did I miss that when I didnt see him for those 4 horrible months. He really is my best friend.
We have a mutual friend and I have read you off and on....can't say that i know your sitch well, however, I am happy that you (you and BF) are getting another chance. i will not offer congratulations as I think it is premature but rather the patience and courage to work hard at continuing your journey. Oh screw it ...CONGRATS!
Thanks John and bless you. Yes, I am still feeling nervous and not "out of the woods yet", but it pays to have a positive mindset hey and I remain optimistic as ever! And.. I said end of May hey. Wow, didnt I ever.
So alot has happened. Saturday, he wanted me to go join him and our friends at 1pm, but I didnt go until 7pm. He texted twice and called me 3 times to see where I was!! I knew then something had shifted. When I got there, the guarded, reticent, cautious ex was gone and the old him was back. It was extrodinary and it took several hours before it sunk in that it wasnt just me that was a done deal, he was too!
He held my hand all night, kissed me often, seemed so happy and relaxed. He was sweet and attentive to me and I began to relax completely. Its wierd, we were like a pair of teenagers all weekend, kissing alot! It felt like the 2nd honeymoon thing, except me and him werent even like that the first time around, because we had been friends for 3 years before we got together. So that made it even more special really.
Sunday morning in bed was lovely too, very poignant.. it was a beautiful day and we walked the coast path with friends.. him holding my hand alot..I really missed that, I used to love holding his hand walking. Mainly though, we laughed and laughed.. MF was with us, who I have known for 17 years and I spent much of the walk talking to him, it felt natural to keep myself apart a little from bf. I guess I have learnt to survive alone and be self sufficient these past 18 months.
I came home for a while, but he asked me to return at night. I keep making him chase me, be explicit that he wants me there..Sunday night was even more fun, Cher and G joined our gang and we all went out to dinner and then to a lovely bar in a village, where a full disco was in swing! Again he was very attentive.
Walking home, we stopped to look at the stars (amazing, no light pollution here) and he ended up saying.. We'll talk, we will talk.. I said a little nervously, yes we must, a little at least and he said, no, we will talk alot.. and then we ended up joking about needing to talk in detail about a great many things and agendas and minutes (in jokes from a job we both did 12 years ago) and were bent over double with laughter!
Again this morning he was very sweet, caring, rubbed my back, made us all breakfast, complimented me on how lovely it was for me to be there, how he had had such a good weekend, that I was very sexy (!) that it had been so much fun.. lots of things. Things I guess he has held in for many months until we got here and he is now 'allowed' to say them. He seems to have turned a corner alright !
Congrats Princess!!! WOW!!! You did said end of May.
I know you know all the "buts" and difficulties and etc etc. You 've been around too long, you are not naive or silly (well, maybe a little bit!!). So, I will keep that for later and all I will say now is, I am very happy you got here. And I hope I get to speak that speech soon... M
PS. We have had nothing of all that you had in a weekend. It seems your connection was never lost and the fact that he came to you, without being officially married, having kids (and you owing money, LOL!!) etc etc speaks volumes!!!!!
Sorry for the long post.. so then to the tricky stuff. I thought of you all when this happened. I dont know if he DID have an MLC or a crisis, or breakdown, or just depression, but he did give me a sort of explanation (again, without me asking, so his willingness to talk already, even if only a little, bodes well):
So in bed last night, he said it was lovely that I was there, he really wanted me to be there and he was so glad that I was... then he said "I love you" and hugged me and I nearly cried. I said "REALLY?" and he said yes and I think I said, because you said that you didnt...
Then he gave a little speech (falling over his words) that he had thought he didnt, he thought he knew what he wanted and knew what he was doing, but he didnt know what he was doing, or what he wanted, or it wasnt what he wanted afterall, but he thought it was, and he thought he didnt (love me he meant)... and thats why he did all of this.. that he wouldnt have done it otherwise, if he hadnt thought he did at the time, but he didnt know what he was doing and was wrong and his decision had been rubbish and now he did know what he was doing and what he wanted and he was REALLY glad that I was there, so glad...I said I was glad and that I loved him too.
Hey Lisa, so nice to see you and thankyou, that means alot to me. I guess it was romantic in places, but there were also alot of people with us all weekend, so it was mainly just alot of fun and I cant remember the last time I laughed so much. But then thats something else that I missed, all our extended friends.
Hey K, you are right, I know this is going to be hard, it already is !! So there was an incident Saturday night that highlights it.. he got talking to two pretty girls outside the pub, one that I wierdly worked with last summer and intuitively felt worried about if he ever met her that they would have a connection (she is 32, an Aquarian and left her bf of 10 years, a guy who looks alot like my bf). So I felt very insecure about it and as he was gabbling to me afterwards about what a nice gurl she was (his housemate had already told him about her as he nearly dated her).. I sprang with tears. I couldnt help it, but he was very reassuring and hugged me and said he was just gabbling and wasnt meaning anything by it nd kissed me alot.
He is just a very friendly guy, but of course it highlights the damage that has been done by him leaving me and of course I feel insecure at present, despite how reassuring he has been. So...yes, a rocky road ahead!!
But.. there was no change in him all weekend after this brief incident and he just called me for a chat and to say goodnight. And he said again what a great weekend he had and how lovely it was for me to be there.
Although he never had an A, he DID date someone else for 6-8 months and did leave me, so of course, we need to build trust back up and I do need reassurance. So far he has been pretty good at giving it voluntarily, but I am mindful that I cant expect too much yet, this is going to take time. Lots of time! He needs reassurance too. I told him how attractive and sexy he was and he got very shy and said, oh I really dont think so.. he seems to have a lack of confidence also.
...talking of romance...the more I relaxed, the more I started giving him some attention back..so this morning, he was very sleepy and couldnt wake up.. so I said I will kiss you awake, so I kissed his face all over until he smiled and then grinned and then REALLY woke up and looked very happy!! When I left today, I left my silk nightie on his pillow, hidden under the covers, with a scrap of paper with some kisses on it.
Hopefully that will make him smile and remember when he gets into bed tonight. I have a feeling I wont see him all week... as I am busy and neither of us want to rush this.
LOL, nightie? Good job on buying those new underwear, perfect timing...
Now small 2x2: I already emailed you, I think you must numb out your insecurities for a while. What on earth were you thinking crying over a girl he talked to in front of you? Is this what you want to come across like? I know he knew you but time has passed and you both have changed some, try to "point out" (not point out but show-cant find the words) the parts of you he will not want to lose again, no crying, clingy, needy bahavior. Can you enjoy this period? He wants to talk, he wants to ML, he wants to spend time with you, he expresses himslef, I dont know what else he could do in these first days for you to feel excited and "content"... Do you?
The wound is there and like it or not, your BF may had Helen on the wings before he left you. Remember what you told me about recovering from your EA? It takes time but it seems you share a love together.
K Hmmm from you earlier post :he didnt know he did but he thought he did know he didnt and then, did you say you knew all along he had no clue and you knew he would soon know that he did instead on not? LOL!!!
Still more than I ever got, but still sounds a wee bit pathetic (sorry he is your BF now ).
BTW, tell him if he tries to pull another one of these tricks again, he is dead meat!!!! (how was that? straight from the movies, LOL!!)
Reading your threads I realised something...: do you think it is a coincidence that he showed interest when you FINALLY detached more which happened when the pischean reappeared in your life? (irrelevant if nothing ever happened)