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I wouldn't date, at all, until the divorce was final. That's just me. I want to know that, whatever happens, I did not give up...ever...on my committment to my wife and our marriage. Again, that's just me.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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I understand and respect your view. Personally, I don't have a problem with it as long as everyone treats their former partners with respect and consideration.

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One other thought on this subject...most people don't question their lifelong committment to their children. Regardless of the rough spots, depression, and disillusionment we experience as a result of our lives with our children...nobody would ever think of divorcing their children. That's absurd.
We learn to roll with punches.
People have committed, all-forgiving attitudes toward their children...but when their spouses don't live up to their expectations...divorce is considered as an option!

Why?


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Because they convince themselves that they are a victim and will no longer accept that? (could be true in some cases; in others it is self-inflicted I'm sure).

Just guessing though.


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Why do we have committed, all-forgiving attitudes towards our children...but not towards our spouses?


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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I don't have children myself but always assumed that parental love is different than a love for a spouse. I have heard so many people (men and women) say that when they held their newborn in their arms, they felt a love they had never believed possible.

I can only speak to my reasons for divorcing my husband.

A couple of years before we separated he changed. He already golfed and played hockey two nights on the weekends but then started spending most week nights with his coworkers or clients. He worked in the financial industry and they tend to socialize a lot. A non-drinker for many years he tended to come home after business dinners rather than head to the bar. No longer. Now he was coming in at 1:00, 2:00 and sometimes even 3:30 a.m. I was alone most of the time, taking care of all the housework and going to bed alone most nights. If he was home, he was tired and/or hungover and didn't want to do anything. Needless to say, our sex life was almost non-existant.

I tried very hard to impress upon him that our marriage was suffering and he would promise to do better, but he never did. I started golfing a lot more just so we would spend more time with each other. Near the end he told me that I needed to find my own interests so that I wasn't bored and therefore annoyed with him.

Obviously this is highly condensed, but eventually I saw no other recourse although I still loved him (still do really) and very much wanted to stay married to him. He was not being a good partner and had made it clear through his actions that he had no intention of changing the situation. Pushing me further and futher away also, I assume, made it easy for him to begin an affair and complete the detachment from me and our marriage.

I don't know what would have happened if I had stayed in the marriage. I don't believe he would have left, as he was still telling me he loved me, wanted our marriage, etc. but I honestly don't know why.

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I can only speak for myself. I am irrevocably committed to my wife and our marriage, and the preservation of our family. When I took our vows...I meant what I said. "For better OR for worse...". I wouldn't divorce my kids, even if they ignored me or mistreated me or caused me heartache...or whatever. And I feel the same way about my wife.
That's just me.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Kai,

Yes, I am still with that person. The relationship is stronger than anything I have experienced before. In many ways, I feel like a new person, a better person. We are very happy together.

I agree that what I did was very painful. I just wish there could be some final resolution on my XW's part, for her sake more than mine. However, a lot of the ex-spouse bashing that goes on out here is, in my opinion, not very health beyond a certain point. I guess that was mainly what I was getting at.
So, I probably will not be visiting again but I thank everyone for listening.

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View,

Thanks for posting. It was really interesting and helpful to read.

J


M- May 2006
D - Aug 2010
Now travelling the world
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two things are always true in a relationship

1> you can belive that at some point your partner or you will feel like leaving therefore your relationship is not as stable as you may think


2> someday we all will have the choice to walk away, I hope you can see it thru the storms because if you can't why should your partner stay knowing you left your last partner?

fireproof "The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better"


WAW 32
ME 38
D11, S9 & D2
Together 10/96
Married 4/2000
Bomb 4/2006
PA1 9/2006
PA2 11/2006
I now know I want out, With my Kids!!!

After a year, love is a choice not a feeling!
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