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A Message from Michele
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Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed #1698296
01/21/09 07:18 AM
01/21/09 07:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline OP
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Ready2Change  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
Thread 1 --> Ready2Change (1) looking for guidance!
Thread 2 --> Ready2Change (2) Detached
Thread 3 --> Ready2Change (3) Papers filed
Thread 4 --> Ready2Change (4) Drop the Rope
Thread 5 --> Ready2Change (5) No trust
Thread 6 --> Ready2Change (6) Temp Orders
Thread 7 --> Ready2Change (7) Two Lives
Thread 8 --> Ready2Change (8) CFI
Thread 9 --> Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed

Recap of my sitch:

I lived with my wife for 17 years (married 11). We both are professionals and make a good living. We have S9,S8,D6.
Feb 14 --> Realized my M was not in good shape.
Feb 18 --> I told wife "We need to talk". I listed out the following:
I want to do what is best for our M.
I want to do what is best for our kids.
I want to listen (really listen) to W.
I want more effective and frequent communication.
I don't want to get mad or angry.
I want to spend more one on one time with W.
I want to do more family activities.
I want to spend more one on one time with each of our kids.
I want to let W have the freedom to do what she wants.
I want W to let me have the freedom to do what I want.

Feb 18 --> I got the bomb (I don't want to be married to you any more, I don't want to slowly die inside, I want to find my soul mate )

I started DBing right away (Before I found/read book). Lots of 180's. I stayed out of W bubble and got into kids bubble. Cleaned up my looks. Started doing housework while W not around.

March 4: Read DR. (Wow those two weeks felt like months) Time was in slow motion.
March 4: This was the lowest point in R. No eye contact from W and only 1 Hi. She did not look good. She went to bed early and without saying goodnight to kids.

April 3: I find out W sells stock to retain lawyer. I felt I convinced her there was better options than litigation including DIY and mediation.
April 4: First telephone coaching session
April 17: W and I attend all day session with Michele Weiner-Davis
April 29: I visit lawyer to find out my rights. My state is Joint custody in 85% of cases and it is an equal equity state. Most of my fear goes away.
May 3 : I find out W has retained lawyer. Wants me to go sign papers at her lawyers on the 5th.
May 4th : Notify W I have lawyer and her lawyer needs to call mine.
June 1rst: Wife and I talk for first time in a while.
July 1: Wife and I agree to "nesting". I have house and kids SMT W has kids and house WTF and we alternate S. 50/50 split.
Almost all communication is now by EMAIL. A few phone calls.
July 28th : Temp Orders -Parenting plans stays as is.
August 1-2 : I move out to rental 1/2 block from school.
Oct 1 : CFI (Child and Family Investigator)
Jan 6(09) : Final Mediation - Separation Agreement - Marriage is irretrievably broken - Joint (50/50) Custody

I still have not snooped or went looking for OM. (Best advise I got). I will continue to move on and still keep a door open for W. If she has a change of heart, I will deal with it then. I will live in PRESENT, will not regret the past or fear the future. I will continue to enjoy every day as if it were my last, and continue to do my best with the knowledge I have. I do this for me and my three beautiful children.

Recommended reading(listed in order):
The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis
The Four Agreements Toltec Wisdom Collection: 3-Book Boxed Set by don Miguel Ruiz
Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle, 2nd Edition by Colin C. Tipping
Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men by Wayne M. Levine
Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles by Ph.D. Harville Hendrix
The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray
Teach Yourself Flirting ( Book + Audio CD) by van Rood Sam

The Bible: corinthians 7-11

Special thanks to SmartCookie and GYPSY for all your wonderful support during this most difficult time. You are both truly wonderful friends and I can not thank you enough.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who I have had a pleasure to meet through this website. Thanks for your support. I wish you all well. *HUGS*


Forgiveness, Patience, Listening, Understanding, Validation, Empathy, Compassion, Faith, Hope, Kindness


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: Ready2Change] #1698362
01/21/09 12:53 PM
01/21/09 12:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,585
Northeast
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Gypsy Offline
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Gypsy  Offline
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Northeast
Hey Ready..

I'm in a much better place through knowing you. Thank you for all you do, who you are and the example you set.

*hugs*

Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: Gypsy] #1698610
01/21/09 07:09 PM
01/21/09 07:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,585
Northeast
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Gypsy Offline
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Gypsy  Offline
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Oh yes.. and thank you!

*hugs

Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: Gypsy] #1699015
01/22/09 01:54 AM
01/22/09 01:54 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
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K4D Offline
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K4D  Offline
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Hey R2C,

Glad to see you have posted a new thread. How are the days for you? Making any progress? I know the D was signed, but anything since then?

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: K4D] #1699336
01/22/09 03:47 PM
01/22/09 03:47 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline OP
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Ready2Change  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
Hey Kevin,

I have the final decree signed by both W and I. So I am now officially divorced. I am free. I am happy. If you look at the list above, not much is missing,

Every choice I make is based on what is best for my kids.
I will listen, understand and empathize with Mrs Ready2Change.
I will have effective communication with Mrs Ready2Change.
I CHOOSE not to get mad or angry, even if Mrs Read2Change projects that at me. Her garbage not mine.
I am in complete control over all my family activities.
I am spending more one on one time with each of my kids.
Mrs Ready2Change has the freedom to do what she wants.
I have the freedom to do what I want.

I hope Mrs R2C finds happy.....


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: Ready2Change] #1700186
01/23/09 01:07 PM
01/23/09 01:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,938
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slowly Offline
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slowly  Offline
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Posts: 2,938

Nice new home \:\) You sound good, R2C

Slowly


A Liberal Allowance of Time
Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: Ready2Change] #1701156
01/24/09 02:47 PM
01/24/09 02:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 527
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FitChik Offline
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FitChik  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 527
Originally Posted By: Ready2Change
I will continue to move on and still keep a door open for W. If she has a change of heart, I will deal with it then. I will live in PRESENT, will not regret the past or fear the future. I will continue to enjoy every day as if it were my last, and continue to do my best with the knowledge I have. I do this for me and my three beautiful children.


R2C,

You have a great attitude and outlook. You inspire me through your words & attitude to do that same. I appreciate your support & encouragement.

*HUGS*


Me:28, first M
H: 33, second M
Married: 08/08
Bomb: 10/08
H filed D and deployed: 12/08
Served: 04/09
I deploy: 07/09
Hearing date: 08/09

Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: FitChik] #1701289
01/24/09 06:38 PM
01/24/09 06:38 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 365
Western New York
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SingleDad Offline
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SingleDad  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 365
Western New York
R2C - sorry to hear the D is final... But it's good to know you have a good attitude about it all. Keep moving forward. Enjoy your children. Be the best father a man can be.


Me:40 / W:33 / D:3
T:7.5/M:4
D Day: 1/24/08
Legal Separated: 6/12/08
BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08
Suspect BF pre-dates D Day

http://tinyurl.com/Original-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Second-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Third-thread

Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: SingleDad] #1701471
01/25/09 01:17 AM
01/25/09 01:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,106
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MsMelancoly Offline
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MsMelancoly  Offline
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Hi R2C, Just popped by to say hello back!! Good to hear you are content with D. You seem happy & positive of what the furture holds. Good for you! \:\)


Me39, XH45
Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats
Divorced 6/4/09
Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Re: Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed [Re: MsMelancoly] #1701627
01/25/09 06:27 AM
01/25/09 06:27 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
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Ready2Change Offline OP
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Ready2Change  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
Thanks for the support guys. Life is good. I have no regrets. I did my best during my marriage. I did my best after the bomb. I took the high road. That was the best choice I made. I will continue to do my best....I know everything will be OK.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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