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Hi everyone,

Thanks for stopping in. H is going to anger management counselling and wants me to go to marriage counselling with him. He has a lot of homework with his counselling and it seems to be helping him. He is very different than he has been. But I guess once I finally got over that hill it is just too little too late. It actually makes me angry that he is at this point now. He was given so much opportunity.

Then I think is it because of the month of no contact. If I had done LRT months ago could we have been at this point?

I appreciate the comments and the support - that is why I came this morning - I needed my friends that understand.


Me~34
H~38
D6.5

EA/PA-DEC.07

Moved out~Apr.13,08
Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08
No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
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I saw you were home sick. I certainly hope you don't have what I have. Two weeks of this stuff is long enough! Hope you are doing better otherwise.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Originally Posted By: kat727
I saw you were home sick. I certainly hope you don't have what I have. Two weeks of this stuff is long enough! Hope you are doing better otherwise.

kat


Actually...I stayed home to watch my little cousin win the showcase showdown on The Price is Right! And went and pciked up Wii Fit. Good thing no one from my work is on here!

I am sorry you are still feeling sick, I keep looking for you to chat but never find you.


Me~34
H~38
D6.5

EA/PA-DEC.07

Moved out~Apr.13,08
Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08
No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
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Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Mistakes/slip-ups WILL happen though...but it is how he REACTS during those times that will be the key.


Where have I heard that before? \:\)

((((((GF))))))
((((((Snow))))))

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Oh don't worry I check in. Just trying to look for some more paperwork I need for the L for the impending B. I will be much better after this is behind me! I'll look for you tonight!

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Ok.

You know how the unfaithful partner rewrites history to make it seem nothing was ever good, he was never happy ect. Now my H is trying to rewrite history again. Now it is that he has always loved me, wanted to be with me this entire last year and was afraid, that I have always been his only true love ect.

Today I offered him my "extra" laptop. We have 2 because this summer he bought a second one for me after in a fit of anger he threw the first one against the back window of the car...The original laptop had been a 30th birthday present. He says he can't take it because it was a very special gift from him to me. I said I don't think of it that way and he acts hurt - to me it is the computer he threw in a hipocritical fit of anger cause he thought I was at a man's house.

I feel like I need to bang my head against a cement wall.


Me~34
H~38
D6.5

EA/PA-DEC.07

Moved out~Apr.13,08
Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08
No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
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Snow,

You don't need this. ANY of this.

When he says things like "I always love you" to you, just say "I'm sorry this didn't turn out the way you say you wanted it to," and be done with it.

Hugs,

Puppy

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Hey Snow. It must be so frustrating to have this come now. The only advice I can offer you is to search your heart and soul for what you really want, what you really deserve and what you really are willing to do.

In the end, you can only choose for you and you have to make those choices for yourself.

If you really don't want it, then do what Puppy said and be done.

((((Hugs))))


M:39
H:39
K:S14;D8
T:22yr
M:15yrs
S:12/28/07 EA/PA
3/14/08 OW preg
11/17/08 born
12/12/08 his
~~~~~~~
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option


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I know we all know this. But wow relationship talks are really annoying if you are not interested in the relationship. It doesnt matter how sincere the person sounds or if they cry.

I can imagine how the WAS sees this now. I am at the point where I would rather not see or speak to my H if the R is going to come up.

I have previously stated that I am not interested in the R. But I am not stupid enough to believe that I could not be swayed. Maybe some DBing on H's part could make a difference, I am sure that I would respond differently if there was no R talk, if he was kind but distant. But he is smothering, and I am not offereing suggestions because I believe that the end of the R is the healthiest for me.


Me~34
H~38
D6.5

EA/PA-DEC.07

Moved out~Apr.13,08
Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08
No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
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Unfortunately for your H, MWD and Dobson and others describe this very effect -- when the WAS come to their senses about the R and decide they really do want to keep or renew it, often times the LBS has already been forced to move on and to adapt to a world without the wayward one. The relationship has flipped 180 degrees out of its prior phase.

DivorceCare calls this the line of reconciliation - the WAS moves away from the line at first while the LBS stays camped on it awaiting a response from their spouse. And just when the WAS returns back to the line, the LBS has already decided to move away from it.

It is too bad that these WAS tend to do so much horrible, senseless damage to their R that it often cannot be recovered, even when they change their minds. Karma can be a b*tch, as they say.

I think though, Snow, I would advise you, no matter how adamant you are in ending your R with H, that you remember your own pain when this shoe was on the other foot. Even if you do maintain your distance and ultimately decide to end your M, which I would fully understand given all the h*ll your H has put you through, I think for your own peace of mind you would be best served to treat your H with compassion. Stand your ground, absolutely, but don't be guilty yourself of his sins against you.

I know you know this, dear friend. I just felt the need to remind you and anyone else listening that an eye-for-an-eye is to our own detriment. Taking the higher road will free your conscious to take whatever path you ultimately decide.

Hugs and blessing.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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