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Well DBers, the “Psych B*&ch from Hell” has returned. STBXW found out I was seeing gym woman from D18. Yesterday, I got a text from STBX “I have plans for today, and I don’t want D16 to be alone. Can you call her and make plans with her” D16, remember has anorexia.

S10 has been with me since December 23rd, and has not been home one day (nor has he asked to go home!). I responded to STBX “Sure”. I call D16 on both her cell phone and the home phone and she does not return my call. I figured “She’s 16 and has social plans”

I take S10 to his hockey game. Gym woman and her daughters asked to go to the game. Sure. I said. Why not? S10 already likes all of them and HE asked if they would go.

Well, 10 minutes into the game, who do you supposed shows up? That’s right STBX “Psycho B&^ch from Hell”. Mind you, it’s my “custodial period” with S10 and she has NEVER showed up at a hockey game when I had S10. When she had him, I called before I went to any games, even though she has no right to stop me. She proceeds to walk right past me, gym woman and her kids with no acknowledgement, and sits with other mothers.

At the end of the game, she came over and talked to gym woman for 10 minutes. She knew her 10 years ago, as I once said. She then chastised me about S10 “not wearing his mouth guard”. Gym woman’s D18 later told her mom that STBX talked to me “like I had a learning disability” STXB then disappears. Gym woman quietly told me "She's nuts".

I called D16 one more time to see if she would join me and S10 at gym woman’s house for dinner. No response. Remember, I took D16 to NYC with gym woman and her D16, who my D16 knows, and she had a great time. We just went to their house for dinner two nights ago as well.

I was at the house for 10 minutes, when my cell rings, and I see it is STBX. I do not answer. 2 minutes later, D16’s number comes up. I answer it and it is STBX psycho!
She launches into a diatribe “I find it curious that you picked up the phone when you thought it was D16, but not me. Are you with D18? (I wouldn’t answer). Where are you (no answer again) She then stated “I find it curious that you would spend time with other people and not you’re own daughter” At that point, I heard D16 say “Mom this is your problem, not mine”

D16 later called me and left a message that she had other plans, and that STBX grabbed her phone to call me. She said she had no issues with me.

I hung up. DONE. STBX then texted me and said “Your daughter is hysterically crying. If you want me to have full custody, just say it.”

Ten minutes later I get “Way to be a good father”

I responded to neither. I also told her I am no longer interested in giving her 60% of my take home pay. We have no formal agreement on this, I was just an as& for giving her that much money for so long.

I called D16 and asked if she was crying, and she responded “Yes, because I don’t like to be between you and mom”. She assured me that she knew that once D18 went back to school, we could spend more time together.

Whaddya think Brothers and Sisters? I have my ideas.

Last edited by FLTC; 01/05/09 11:12 AM.
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Just sending you a big hug: (((FLTC)))

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Sixty percent of your take home pay????? Who is your lawyer? Are you sure he/she's working for you?

I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years. Even with child support the most I get is 40%.. and I don't have a job and can't supplement the alimony/support without risking a modification to the payments. When my daughter is 21, it goes down to 30%. Spouse is viewed as a highly compensated executive which has it's own standards, but I can't see how that percentage works with a two income family.

Good job at avoiding the drama.


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FLTC, here's what I think. STBX is still carrying on like the "abandoned" wife that she feels she is. She still imagines herself as the lone caregiver whose H is still in Iraq. She's still striking out at you for the times you left her alone, that's why the day you left for Iraq she sat in the car. She just saw that as another time where she was going to be left with the burden while you rode off into the sunset doing what you wanted to do. She's still doing it. She also wants to stick it to you in front of Gym woman because, guess what, when you start seeing someone else you are again abandoning her (even though she left you for someone else. Dont' try and figure it out!) Bottom line, this is her trip not yours. Now, that said, I see the need for some boundary setting here, tell her that you are quite willing to respond to polite requests but WILL NOT be responding to harsh, rude or insulting comments and that's that, then stick to it. Also, be careful of making assumptions about things, as I often hear in your posts comments like "I assumed that...", it gets you into trouble. E.g. when STBX asked you to take care of the car incident with D it might have been good to call and say "this is what I think needs to happen, I will call your insurance company, are you OK with that?" Don't give her ammo if you can help it. Lastly, is it possible that you suggest counselling together in regards to divorced parenting. Your D's tears certainly show that there is a need to do what's right by the children and you are both under enormous stress here. Sitting down with a counsellor to work out some kind of parenting R seems like a good idea for all involved. Is it worth a shot?
So, that's my Monday morning 2 cents. Hang in there!


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Thanks, Mattie, gypsy and wii,

She just sent me ANOTHER email reminding me that binging and purging are related to "absent fathers", after she told me not to send any dirty laundry home with S10 when he returns from 10 days with me!

I think she sees all control over me slipping away, and it's not playing well in Peoria!

She's NUTS!

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Don't bite, FLTC! Stay the sane one.


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Yeah, wii, you're right. I'm posting my response to her, which I will NOT send on your urging, but man, it makes me feel GREAT to write it and post it! Here goes!

HER EMAIL TO ME:

D16 staying at your place is not optional for you, it has to be done. I will be away that weekend as well as the weekend of Feb. 14/15. she is not allowed to stay in my house when I'm not there.



As she sat home alone yesterday she spent the day binging and purging. I know you’re aware that a major part of her profile related to her eating disorder is having an absent father. Please make a decision about your role in her life and let her and me know so she and I can stop waiting and hoping for a healthy relationship between the two of you if you are not able to give her one.

MY RESPONSE. NOT SENT, GOOD CALL wii!

Thank you for sharing your interpretation that D16 binges and purges because of an "absent father". Thank you for also setting up the conditions that lead to this.

I will continue to encourage D16 to be with me the same days as S10. I love spending time with my daughter(s) and wanted to see her yesterday. I called her twice yesterday to make that happen. I am more than happy to have her on the same days as I have S10.

Did you forget that D18 is living with me because she can't live with you? Maybe you can reflect on why that is the next time you want to spout off about parenting, and your diagnosis of why D16 binges and purges. Did you offer to have D18 stay with you so that D16 could stay with me? And speaking of parenting and having no relationship with a daughter; D18 spent a grand total of about 4 hours with you and your significant other over the vacation. How much time did you enjoy with S10 over the week of Christmas? No problem. I love having him.

Please do not ever try and take the moral high ground with me.You abdicated that right a long time ago by entering into an affair with your married boss. And I am glad that you don't have a problem with the friends I keep. Does your boss' wife have "absolutely no problem with your relationship with him"? Is she OK with him buying D16 a Jeep? No confusion on D16's part there, right? Is she OK with him fixing up the basement in my home? These are the questions I want you to answer.

Happy New Year!

FLTC!

MAN THAT FELT AWESOME!!!!!!!

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Wow, I loved that! Don't send it.


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LOL

Ditto!

Keep setting boundaries. Keep being calm and rational. Let her dig her own holes.

And keep being there for your kids no matter what! You are a good father, don't let her tell you otherwise!


Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
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Thanks, wii and Michelle! You guys are great!

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