First of all, I want to sincerely THANK everyone for your support, prayers, well-wishes and JOKES over the past week. I know I haven't thanked everyone individually, and I haven't posted much, but I read EVERYTHING, on both forums, and even though some of them made me cry, they all helped me get thru a very sad week in my life and I was nothing short of blown away by the love and support.
My wife and I are headed rapidly toward this divorce, uncontested, and most likely thru mediation. We have an appt. with the mediator for after Christmas, and I've already typed up a couple of drafts of what we might be able to do, custody/alimony/support wise.
After a lot of tears and moodiness last Sunday and Monday, my wife is now acting HAPPY, which to be honest, PISSES ME OFF. I do think she has ZERO CLUE as to what she's in for, as I have been SO much of her financial, emotional, household and parenting support, and she seems to be in denial about our finances. But she must have some carefree-single lifestyle fantasy in her head right now, and it's put her in a good mood, which makes me 1/3 sad and 2/3 ANGRY.
My "life" is going to SUCK financially. If I could afford to get my own place, and fix it up the way I always wanted (we said when we moved into this house, with its big game room upstairs, that I would FINALLY get that pool table I've always wanted .... yeah, right...), then I might be able to get into this. I AM genuinely happier, sad to say, when she's NOT home and it's just me and the boys here. I feel I am able to be myself more, and I do enjoy my freedom. But until and even IF we can get this house sold for a profit, I am most likely looking at staying with my in-laws, doing my George Costanza impersonation.
NOT very attractive, and NOT where I wanted to be at this stage in my life.
I should have done this a long time ago; at least I'd be further along by now.
Pup, if there is ANYONE that can get through this, you can.
I've been in my 'financial' situation for some time now. What with her losing her job last year, then her illness, and now our separation, being 'broke as a joke' completely sucks, especially right now.
But we find a way. We have to.
Costanza.....that made me laugh.
And I figured a little laugh couldn't hurt, what with all the drama and sadness everyone was feeling for ya'.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
hey puppy, I agree that you can do this. I believe in you and guess what? we are right here to walk along beside you on this journey. and hey, you are worth it, and one day your wife is going to be mad at herself for losing you.
read this today, thought of you and a couple of my other men on these boards..........
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. --Edward Everett Hale
and sorry, here is a big ol girly hug from this tiny little baby girl!!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Hey, I'll take it! And I like that saying -- that's really good, and appropriate.
Don't get me wrong, there are whole big parts of me that is EXCITED about this. There are just two very big kidney stones standing in my way:
1) telling our sons, S12 and S15; and
2) my financial situation.
As for finally being done with the Princess and getting on with my life, and having some affection in my future, I'm very much at peace and looking forward to.
wow, the girl hugs were ok, AND yes the saying rocked, it screamed at me to share with a few of you.
I know about the kids. today we have to tell my d13 and s12 of H and homewrecking whores S2. d13 will be devastated almost as bad as I was. I also understand finances. I dont work, as per my illness, so I am totally dependent pretty much on H. my little bit of income wont let me make it.
YOU will be an amazing catch to some wonderful woman. I cant wait to keep up with your new and exciting life!! come on, see, you can still give us hope, so live live live lol!!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I have read so many of your replies to other stitches, but I had no idea you were just now starting a divorce process.
First of all, I am sorry to hear you will be having a very difficult time especially right now at this time of year with the holidays and all.
Since it is right after Christmas - I wanted to give you some thoughts on terms - Since I agonized over the terms of my separation.
Mediation is certainly the way to go, if you can agree on the terms. Fight hard for Joint Physical and Legal custody. Try to get as close to 50% parenting time - it's worth it. Have overnights too - 3 hrs on a Wed nite limits you to being a McDonald's dad. I have 6 of 14 overnights (alternating weekends and several weeknights) - one one evening per bi-week short of a complete 50/50.
Don't just rotate Holidays - do better - if one parent gets Thanksgiving, the other parent gets the day after - so we can separately celebrate each and every holiday with our daughter - do this for each Holiday.
Put in a right of first refusal - If one parent can't take their day and it's more than 5 or x hours, they must offer it first to the other parent. Switch days with a comparable other day rather than a use it or lose it policy. Both parents have right to attend all sporting events, plays, etc.
If you can afford, try to find a place in the same town, so your sons can take the school bus to your house.
I went through mediation to lay out the terms for a 12 month legal separation - W wanted out, so I had a fair opportunity to negotiate very reasonable terms.
Please respond on my stitch if you want further thoughts - I am only checking it every couple of weeks or so now - So it might take some time to respond.
Also - A response that you wrote in another stitch seems to apply to my situation right now. My W and I are legally separated since June (A divorce can't be done until next June - so even though we are legally separated we are still legally married) I have learned through my D3 that she has a BF who now sleeps over while D3 is at the house. I was very angry at my W and let her know that I do not approve. That Her moral convictions have been badly compromised and that she is demonstrating lousy role model to our D.
My W says our M is over and she has to live and be happy. I actually think this "affair" started before the Bomb and the separation. I try to leave things alone and DB and GAL - but then I learn something like this and I express my anger and my desire to save our marriage.
Here is what you said on another thread:
"Native,
I don't necessarily disagree. I think that some of us just define "compassion" differently maybe. To me, there is nothing "compassionate" about enabling a spouse who is having an affair, either financially or emotionally, and I don't think it's good for us OR for them.
When does "being friends" cross over into "appeasement"?
Yes, I'm sure there's at least one for whom this has worked. But I see far more who are having success with standing up for themselves, and laying firm boundaries, and holding their wayward spouses up to a higher standard.
Two VERY different approaches, certainly.
Peace,
Puppy "
I agree with your statement - I have been trying to have my W understand that there is a higher standard - both morally - and in raising our daughter in a nuclear family.
It mostly all goes to a deaf ear. But I do feel if I just sit back and not tell her how much I disapprove - then I am compromising my standards. Some day,years from now, I think my W will understand.
But now she is just further pushed away - and merely wants to be friends for our daughters sake. I have trouble being friends after all she has destroyed and taken away from me and my daughter.
Any advice on this would be appreciated. I think there is a link to my thread attached to my footnotes.
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day
But until and even IF we can get this house sold for a profit, I am most likely looking at staying with my in-laws, doing my George Costanza impersonation.
But will you win 'the contest'?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
But until and even IF we can get this house sold for a profit, I am most likely looking at staying with my in-laws, doing my George Costanza impersonation.
