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A Message from Michele
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Make Time Your FRIEND! #1624395
10/19/08 06:25 PM
10/19/08 06:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 339
S
Superstar Offline OP
Member
Superstar  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 339
When I start feeling bad, like "this is never going to happen for me, I will never have my family back", I stop myself and think about all the TIME I have to make what I want happen. Days, months, years. As long as it takes or as long as I am willing. How many times have you seen "patience is key"? Well, it really is.

I am in dark mode right now, we live separately, she is in an EA with a guy from work she sees every day, and I will very likely be divorced in time for Christmas. Sounds terrible huh? Only if I let it be.

Remember...with time all things are possible. Water and time made the Grand Canyon and I think that under all that fog, she still loves me somewhere...I'd swear I can see it in her eyes.

I could be wrong, but...

Let me be the water in our R. Constant but gentle, forever moving toward my goals.

So for me, right now, these are my short term goals:

Personal:
Lose 6 more pounds.
Run a sub 30-min 5K
Bench press my weight

Relationship:
Don't waver from the boundaries I have set in my interactions with STBXH.
Try to make each interaction with her as possible (within my boundaries).
Avoid triggers that may put me off my path.


H: 38
W: 36
S: 8
S: 5
M: 16
Bomb: 8/25/08
OM: 9/21/08
EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...)
Sep: 9/21/08
D Filed 9/23/08
My Situation
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: Superstar] #1625959
10/21/08 12:56 PM
10/21/08 12:56 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
A
AllW8SBF Offline
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AllW8SBF  Offline
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A
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 59
Chicago Burbs
I really hope your sitch turns around. I really wish there was a magic wand that could be waved over this board and for all to have happiness. I'm in a dreamland right now for I see no silver lining and just dream of one.


Jen
Me 32
H 35
Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs
No Children

1st Bomb - 7/1999
2nd Bomb - 8/2004
3rd A - 10/2006
4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08

Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: AllW8SBF] #1626071
10/21/08 02:35 PM
10/21/08 02:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 281
H
HFGW Offline
Member
HFGW  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 281
Great post SC!


Me: 38
W: 41
M: 17 yrs
3 kids
Bomb: 3/08 affair
Status: On Divorce track

Thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1620805&page=0&fpart=1
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: Superstar] #1627296
10/22/08 04:52 PM
10/22/08 04:52 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 87
S
seaglass71 Offline
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seaglass71  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 87
Hi Superstar,
I'm having a hard time dealing with my impending divorce as being "The End." We have our first hearing next week and it feels like there is no turning back from here....I haven't spoken to her in almost 3 months. However, I like you really beleive that she still does love me as naive as that may sound.

Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: seaglass71] #1644214
11/09/08 11:27 PM
11/09/08 11:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 38
Portland, OR
B
brantacan Offline
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brantacan  Offline
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B
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 38
Portland, OR
Seaglass,

I can only reiterate what superstar says above. I went through a very similar situation to what he is now going through (for over 17 months) and my M did end recently, however, time is in fact your friend. Mind you, I'm not putting my life on hold; in fact I'm continuing to use this as an opportunity to achieve new goals and improve myself as a human being, but I also know this is the woman I want to continue to share my life with despite the big setback we've had. I'm not actively pursuing or badgering, but rather providing unconditional friendship. Aside from a month or so of acting like an idiot after she left a while ago, I've done nothing but show good will towards her and have faith that my patience and willingness to be understanding, forgiving, etc... will pay off. Some will argue that the WAS doesn't deserve this, but I argue that only you can make that decision. I wish you luck. My thread is in this forum, it's "Marriage with WAW ended, but..."


Me: 35
WAW: 34
T: 7.5 yrs
M: 3 yrs (2/14/05)
no kids
ILYB...& EA Bomb 1/5/07
S - 6/15/7
PA started 6/16/07
D Final 10/14/08
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: brantacan] #1644216
11/09/08 11:29 PM
11/09/08 11:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 38
Portland, OR
B
brantacan Offline
Member
brantacan  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 38
Portland, OR
sorry, I meant it's in Walk-Away Spouse


Me: 35
WAW: 34
T: 7.5 yrs
M: 3 yrs (2/14/05)
no kids
ILYB...& EA Bomb 1/5/07
S - 6/15/7
PA started 6/16/07
D Final 10/14/08
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: brantacan] #1650612
11/16/08 05:42 AM
11/16/08 05:42 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 189
New England
L
lovenomatterwhat Offline
Member
lovenomatterwhat  Offline
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L
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 189
New England
Quote:
Remember...with time all things are possible. Water and time made the Grand Canyon and I think that under all that fog, she still loves me somewhere...I'd swear I can see it in her eyes.


Ever so true. Your post was a great breath of inspiration. I know so many times I feel like quitting or that the test of time isn't worth it - so this is a nice reminder that love is worth all the time and patience it requires. Thanks again for the encouragement. Keep on keeping on

Last edited by lovenomatterwhat; 11/16/08 05:53 AM.
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: seaglass71] #1684074
12/31/08 03:19 PM
12/31/08 03:19 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 19
Kansas
I
Indigo Offline
Junior Member
Indigo  Offline
Junior Member
I
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 19
Kansas
Hi Seaglass, your post reminded me of something and I want to ask the board's advice. I initiated divorce proceedings about 18 months ago, but let the proceedings 'pend' while we worked on reconciliation. When H dropped the bomb in November (after I thought we were doing well), I called my atty and asked her to proceed (in the heat of emotion, feeling hurt, etc). Now, we have a hearing on Jan 12th, but I don't know if I should proceed since I REALLY do not want the divorce. I do know that H will not file, he's leaving it up to me. I don't know what to do. Advice?


~Trying to keep hope alive~
Me-53
H-52
together: Married 24 yrs; together 31
Kids-5 grown (1 D; 4 S)
Bomb: 11/08 (separated ever since)
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: Indigo] #1695725
01/17/09 02:45 AM
01/17/09 02:45 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 381
USA
S
song Offline
Member
song  Offline
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S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 381
USA
Thank you for your post Superstar. I found it when I desperately needed to.


Me46 W45 T21/M17 S13, 12
ILYBINILWY06/08 WAW 10/08
http://tinyurl.com/cqzew6
http://tinyurl.com/c4pv22
http://tinyurl.com/dyfw3n]
Re: Make Time Your FRIEND! [Re: song] #1695916
01/17/09 02:27 PM
01/17/09 02:27 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
calif
D
Dr LOve Offline
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Dr LOve  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
calif
super,

Any update?

Doc


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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