I'm glad it worked out GB. One of the keys in this recovery must be in connecting with others, whether it be the Dental Hygienist or whoever else. It's so wonderful to feel you've connected with someone else and that they do value your presence! When you've spent so long, as I have, being devalued by another you notice big time when another person seems to say "I really like you!" And it's such a small thing too, when you think about it. But it happened because I have opened up and allowed myself to build a rapport with that person. Simple, eh! Now I have something to look forward to in those quarterly visits. Imagine if I did that in so many other areas of my life, I'd have a great time just doing every day things. Connecting is risky though and especially when you've had the crap kicked out of you it's a reach sometimes. I met with my new Pastor a week ago and that happened because I risked and approached him after the service, I don't normally rush up and introduce myself in such situations but something said "do it" so I did. Within minutes the Pastor was suggesting we get together and talk about what has happened in my life. Wow! Just like that someone said "let's connect". Again, because I took that little risk. I met with my shrink this week and she agreed that me not having another R right now is probably for the best. R's are stressful, time consuming and take alot of energy, it's best for me to find who I am again before trying to engage someone in a meaningful R. I'm in agreement, as you said GB, find yourself first and everything else will fall into place! Gotta run, I'm trying to do a budget for myself and it isn't looking that rosy. The first year I haven't really bothered with figuring out what I can or cannot spend but now my money is slowly going down, down , down so part of healing will now be living within my means...yuchh!
Building a budet, I realized just how uncomplicated I am. Rent, utilities, food, beer, gym, money for hockey stuff for my son, some money to go to the movies and take D18, 16 out to eat. I'm done.
I have been spending what I want. A few extra Army weekends really pumps up the account. The free reign will come to an end with the financila protion of the mediation next Monday. I'm spending so she can't have it. Today id my 22nd wedding anniversary. Awesome.
I stooped with therapists. I'm SO tired of the lifestyle. D18 has a therapist, D16 has a therapist, I had a therapist. Everyone but W. Hmmm?
GB, Interesting, huh? She's very "put upon". The weight of the world on her shoulders, because no one else could possibly do it as well.
wii: Here's something I recently though about you and me. what was it in US that allowed these women to really beat us up? To me, I think I was oblivous to a lot of things that made her angry. I never gave a though to "the kids should go to the dentist", maybe we should re-finance the mortgage, gee, the car needs to be replaced.
Not that I didn't care, but these things never seemed to be on my radar scope. They STILL aren't to a large degree. Not cuz I don't care, but I'm plotting my next workday, the next hockey game, the next call to my daughter. A lot of pucks get by me in life. She felt so put upon. Maybe rightly so, I don't know.
She felt if she didn't do a lot of stuff, it wouldn't get done. Not that I wouldn't do it if asked. She freely admits that. I guess it's like "Gee, the cure for cancer shoud be so obvious", but stuff really gets by me. If I'm reminded of it, I do it, but not recognizing it in the first place ripped her. I don't know how to get color on a black and white TV, so I would NEVER probably see the things she wanted me to.
What about your wife. What got her so "Snarky" (Your word; love it!)? Why did she continue to kidney puch you? Do you think something in YOUR persona brought it on, like I do? Not That we're bad people, it's just that some stuff really sets them on fire!
I'm pretty easy to get along with, as I imagine you are rom your posts. As a good friend in Iraq said to me: "Everyone likes FLTC, except Mrs. FLTC"
Hmm, FLTC. W didn't want me, "loved" someone else yet was stuck with me day in and day out and to make it worse I was doing a million things to make her life easier! W was trying to do what in her mind was right, staying with me because she'd made a wedding vow (I guess the part about faithfulness slipped her mind)and for the kids. Yup, the resentment was just brewing away for years and thus the gut punches. I chose to take them and stay trying to repair what I could, didn't work. I could have left years ago, everyone told me to leave years ago but I wouldn't until I knew in my heart there was no chance of saving this thing. She made her choices and I made mine. Btw, Happy Anniversary!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks Being Me and you too! I'm about to head off to pick up my family, STBX and all. We are going to my parents place and my parents asked if it would be OK if they invited her. I said "sure, why not". I think it's still good for the kids to see us celebrate together as a family or whatever it is we are now. How long these get togethers will happen, who knows. As long as she keeps OW in the background I don't find it that difficult, but if that becomes an out in the open R I'm not sure I could celebrate in the same way. I'm only human! My Pastor said today in his sermon "be thankful for imperfect things". I'll go with that today!
I forgot to mention a funny interaction with a friend. He asked what my plans were for Thanksgiving, so I told him and he replied "How can you go there with her? Don't you hate her? I do!" I guess I'm just not a big hater Later Dbers, I'm off to pickup the family.
Good luck. I would find it so difficult doing that, wishing for things to be different,as they once were, or as we THOUGHT they were. Where are you in the divorce process?
FLTC, it's really not that difficult to do these family type things because the lack of connection etc between us was in effect for years and we did these things. It actually was a nice family evening. As for D process, I'm nowhere. I haven't initiated anything and neither has she. When the time to move it forward comes, I will do so. There's certainly noone waiting in the wings for me right now, so no real rush.
