Donna, no Friday off either. Oh well, it's better than Iraq; no days off! Michelle: She does not flex very well. She always accused me of being inflexible. Hmmmm.
Property Mediation on Monday, the day after our 22nd anniversary. Very sad, but I've come so far, it's just another punch in the stomach that doesn't even register any more. Got a letter from my attorney with a copy of a letter from her attorney talking about "a petition to seek dissoution of the marriage".22 years, and it comes down to this. His letteer did talk about "a retainer". Strange as I told you he said he wouldn't charge me for represenation unless it got out of hand, because of my service in Iraq. Get S10 tonight and all weekend!
MUSING/RAMBLING: She really never got over me going away to an Army school while she was in the hospital for reconsructive mouth surgey from childhood cancer. She now smokes again. Great move.
She did not do well in the hospital sa you may recall. As she puts it "You went off and left me to die"> I do think guys may look at this differently. If I was in the hospital, I would have said "Do what you need to do. I'm fine". Venus/Mars...Uranus?
Sometimes people project their own faults onto others. Sounds like she is doing that. And perhaps also justifying it to herself by wanting you to do it her way and when you don't it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course, since it's a moving target, there's no way it won't be fulfilled LOL.
The thing in the letter might just be a formality as long as it doesn't specify what the retainer is. For contracts to be valid, there has to be something given in return (called consideration). It can be $1 in most cases if that's what the parties agree to. In your L's case, it was free for your service, so that's your retainer. I hope that's not too much legalese and makes sense lol.
Originally Posted By: FLTC
Venus/Mars...Uranus?
ROTF LMAO Something like that! LOL
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Michlle, Thanks! Liked thE planetery reference, eh? Let's hope that that's what it is. I appreciate the interpretation. I'll find out today.
Well, here's the 155mm artilery round IED of the day: D16's therapist asked W. and I to come to the office to discuss the logisitcs of D16 coming home.
2 issues:
Therapist asks us to talk to each other. I start by telling W. I'll be getting D16. SHe responds by saying: "That's good. She needs to spend time with you". Therapist zeroed right in on that and told her she was too judgemental, and if I heard it, D16 probably does too. w. SITS THERE INCREDULOUS? BINGO! I told her this 8 years ago, to which she responded: "So, I'm a shi^^y mother?"
Therapist asked if she could ever conceive of being a friend to me. She responded: "No, never". ?????? I must have hurt her so bad, or she is just nuts as some of you have told me outright. I had no affiar, lost no money gambling, did not molest a child, but "I left her to die in the hospital in 1994" and went to an Army school and had an affair. I related this to you about how a fellow captain at the time kissed me on the cheek for advice I gave her about STAYING AWAY from another married captain in the course. She's abondoneding me, bouncing around with her boss, and I said Yes, I can be your friend someday.
THAT WAS NOT THE SHOWSTOPPER HOWEVER. We started to talk about D18's role in D16's battle with food. D18 was HORRIBLE to D16. Called her a cow, fat as&..you get it.
W. let it slip that D18 was pregnant in 07 and "lost" the baby. I told you how out of control D18 was. I replied WHAT? Therapist asked W. "Didn't you tell him? (Iwas away in PA training for deployment. W. responded "It wasn't my place to tell him" and then looks at me, being once of the smartest women in the world and stated "I thought you knew". She then proceeded to tell me that how in counseling, D18 had admitted giving sexual favors for drugs 2 to 3 years ago before we pulled her out of school and shipped her off.
NOW she won't let D18 come home, unless "she tells W. what she will do to be more honest with her".
I don't really know FL. Can it be unscrewed? Maybe not, but it can be made better. I remember talking to my boys when they were angry with their dad. What I wanted to do was say, yep, he IS an a$$, but I didn't. I know she's nutty right now, but it seems to me that your W is asking for her daughter to show some respect that's been lacking. And I don't honestly see anything wrong with that. It's a little late, but better late than never. So, have a talk with your daughter. You're paying the bills no matter how old she is. Ask her to sit down with her mother and show her some respect. If it doesn't work, at least you would have tried. Can't hurt.
Quote:
HOW'S THAT FOR A DAY?
Pretty rough FL, but it's over now.
As far as your W telling the therapist that she could never be your friend, it's her loss FL. Be the better person here because she evidently cannot.
Yep, that was a rough day. But I've had worse. Like watching my 4 year old in a coma! Having my H arrested for DUI and learning about his affair. Not great days!
As I see it - your family has a history of problems that will not be resolved in a day. But it does no good to get into "he said, she said, he did, she did" now. You can only do your best for your children TODAY. You only have to live one day at a time. So be the best dad you can TODAY!
If that means letting your D sleep on your couch because she's not welcome at her mother's place - then so be it. Good for you for providing. Telling her what you think of her mother is NOT good. Listening to the C and NOT getting into past issues is good. We can all learn from our mistakes and trust me - none of us is without any.
Let go of the anger. It is apparent in everything you write. I can SO relate because it took me so very long to do so. And I still get angry with my ex at times. But what good does it do? I ended up in hospital a year ago with extremely high blood pressure and he didn't even know.
No child wants to hear how bad their parent is. I had to learn that do because I was good at "daddy bashing". But the kids didn't choose their parents. And they want to love them both.
Focus less on what it all costs and more on how much you enjoy them. It all goes by quickly and you don't get a "Do Over". Ask yourself what you can do TODAY to be a dad the kids can be proud of.
I know you come here to vent - we all do. But try to keep your anger under control around your family.
Not meant to lecture, meant to help. Hope you take it that way and can make a difference.
I agree that D18 should start to pull in her horns at this point and show some remorse for wht she put everyone through. Yes, enough blame to go around, but she is now 18 and is having college paid for. She also needs to show some reflection about how her behavior contributed to the explosion of her relationship with her mother.
Barb: I am only angry here on the board, and it is just that. venting. I never bad-mouth W. in front of any of the kids, and have encouraged D18 to continue to try to make it right with her mother. I never badmouth her in front of the kids. That's wrong.
I can imagine, however, if I found out that D18 was pregnant and two years later told my W. "I didn't think it was my place to tell you". Any idea of how that would have played out?
F-- That clearly shows how disfunctional the communication has been between the two of you. I don't know how I would have controlled myself in that sitch. What did the IC say to that revelation?
If nothing else, does it help give you a bit of closure on the M...? For all the terrible costs and heartache of the divorce, would you really want to stay connected with a person who thought that this was a good dynamic for partners? I cannot fathom keeping something so vital from another parent...
For my own sitch, I think I have come to the conclusion that, in spite of my deep desire to keep the M together, there have become such huge differences in maturity, communication skills and perceptions that I just don't think it is possible, anymore. Maybe someday he will catch up, learn what I have learned...maybe not. But being in such different places, and one not having the drive to do the work, makes the apartness inevitable.
Thanks, so much. I am not particularly complicated. I have two pretty good jobs where I am pretyy successful, but the fact that I didn't care about finances and let W. manage them drove her nuts. She always accused me of "Not taking the initiative", but when I did, I needed to show a 15-point plan that she could "line-item veto". When I tried to be the "Alpha Male" at home, as David Cunningham calls it, I was met with resistance, criticism, anger, so it was no win. I think it boils down to a total lack of confidence in herslef. Before we met, she had ended a college romance where her boyfriend slept with every one of her friends. She never got over that. Threw all of his stuff out of his dorm window.
I do share a lot of blame. Period. The difference is that when she told me stuff bothered her, I changed it. She was never reflective for one second, and continues no to be.
Even with the recent "Parenting Plan" (Yuck!) devised by the mediator, I pointed out a spelling error. She has about two pages of corrections. I'm not a lazy person, but I really am content to livelife as long as I have a roof over my head, food, a car and a gymnasium. Pretty simple. Having sex before I die might be a good addition as well.
Today is (would have been?) our 22nd anniversary. Hockey game this AM, football game this afternoon....keep moving.......................
