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A Message from Michele
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Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator #1616051
10/09/08 01:12 AM
10/09/08 01:12 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline OP
Member
Ready2Change  Offline OP
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
First Thread --> Ready2Change (1) looking for guidance!
Second Thread --> Ready2Change (2) - Detached
Third Thread --> Ready2Change (3) - Papers filed
Forth Thread --> Ready2Change (4) - Drop the Rope
Fifth Thread --> Ready2Change (5) - No trust
Sixth Thread --> Ready2Change (6) Temp Orders
Seventh Thread --> Ready2Change (7) Two Lives
Eighth Thread --> Ready2Change (8) CFI

Recap of my sitch:

I have been living with my wife for the past 17 years (married 11). We both are profesionals and make a good living. We have S9,S7,D6.

Feb 14 --> Realized my M was not in good shape.
Feb 18 --> I told wife "We need to talk". I listed out the following:
I want to do what is best for our M.
I want to do what is best for our kids.
I want to listen (really listen) to W.
I want more effective and frequent communication.
I don't want to get mad or angry.
I want to spend more one on one time with W.
I want to do more family activities.
I want to spend more one on one time with each of our kids.
I want to let W have the freedom to do what she wants.
I want W to let me have the freedom to do what I want.

Feb 18 --> I got the bomb (I don't want to be married to you any more, I don't want to slowly die inside, I want to find my soul mate )

I started DBing right away (Before I found/read book). Lots of 180's. I stayed out of W bubble and got into kids bubble. Cleaned up my looks. Started doing housework while W not around.

March 4: Read DR. (Wow those two weeks felt like months) Time was in slow motion.
March 4: This was the lowest point in R. No eye contact from W and only 1 Hi. She did not look good. She went to bed early and without saying goodnight to kids.

Lots of reading including:
Divorce Remedy
Venus/Mars
His needs/Her needs (good book!)

April 3: I find out W sells stock to retain lawyer. I believe I convinced her there is beter options including mediation.
April 4: First telephone coaching session
April 17: All day session with Wife and Michele
April 29: I visit lawyer to find out my rights. My state is Joint custody in 85% of cases and it is an equal equity state. Most of my fear goes away.
May 3 : I find out W has retained lawyer. Wants me to go sign papers at her lawyers on the 5th.
May 4th : Notify W I have lawyer and her lawyer needs to call mine.
June 1rst: Wife and I talk for first time in a while.
July 1: Wife and I agree to Nest. I have house and kids SMT W has kids and house WTF and we alternate S. 50/50 split.
Almost all communication is now by EMAIL. A few phone calls.
July 28th : Temp Orders -Parenting plans stays as is.
August 1-2 : I move out to rental 1/2 block from school.
Oct 1 : CFI (Child and Family Investigator)


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Ready2Change] #1616058
10/09/08 01:23 AM
10/09/08 01:23 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline OP
Member
Ready2Change  Offline OP
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
So I found out today that W moved forward with the Child Family Investigator (CFI). We both agreed to this before the Temp Order hearing based on both of us wanting different parenting plans.

I don't believe I have anything to worry about, but the CFI has a direct impact on my future parenting plan.

Keep the prayers flowing for me and my family!

Thanks everyone!

*HUGS*


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Ready2Change] #1616700
10/09/08 07:50 PM
10/09/08 07:50 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
N
No Longer BH Offline
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No Longer BH  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
Wow Ready, even their title sounds intimidating. What exactly do they determine; If your current parenting plan is good for the children? It seems to be working out well so far, so why did W decide to do this? Sounds like there might be some anger still being directed at you.

You are wonderful with your child. I dont think there is much you need to worry about, but still.....I am hoping for the best. Please let us know what happens.

Thanks for you very indepth reply. I was feeling down (hormones ;\) ) when I posted it and you really helped me alot. And by the way, no way can you EVER call yourself a DAM. I am honored that you have taken the time out of your life to help me...a DAM would not have an ouce of the wisdom to pass along, or the insight you have taught yourself. You should be proud of all that you have learned in this journey, so no more DAM's from you!!!


Broken Hearted
------------------
Me - 36
H - 37
S - 8
Married - 1992
ILYNILWY - August 2007
Moved Out - March 2008
OW Revieled - May 28, 2008
Filed for D - July 2, 2008

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1599046&page=0&fpart=1
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: No Longer BH] #1616808
10/09/08 10:11 PM
10/09/08 10:11 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline OP
Member
Ready2Change  Offline OP
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
Hi BH,

Thanks for checking in on me!

The CFI will be an unbiased opinion for the court.

W does not talk to me, so I do not know why she choose this path. I said I would support her either way, but would prefer the money be applied to our debt.

There is lots of anger directed at me. We are still in each others space frequently.

Thanks for the compliment. I was glad to help!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Ready2Change] #1616869
10/10/08 12:18 AM
10/10/08 12:18 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
sgctxok Offline
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sgctxok  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
This sounds a little odd....why do you have an investigator involved...or is it routine...

How are you doing, Ready?


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: sgctxok] #1616922
10/10/08 02:04 AM
10/10/08 02:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline OP
Member
Ready2Change  Offline OP
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,803
Colorado
W and I disagreed on the parenting plan. Before we went to court for Temporary Orders, L both agreed that one of us would request the CFI. The court ruled in my favor, so W wants CFI. If court would have said I only get every other weekend, then I would request CFI....

I think it is all odd, but I just deal with what is coming at me one day at a time....

I am doing good (Thanks for asking). Things feel normal right now.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Ready2Change] #1618267
10/11/08 08:12 PM
10/11/08 08:12 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,978
S
smartcookie Offline
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smartcookie  Offline
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,978
**HUGS**

When is the CFI appointment ??

All my prayers.


M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months
4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10
I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: smartcookie] #1618279
10/11/08 08:47 PM
10/11/08 08:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,316
A
addie Offline
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addie  Offline
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A
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,316
Hi R2C,

Good luck with the CFI appointment. I am praying for you and your children.


Me47
H46
S13
M16
Piecing since May/09

"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Ready2Change] #1618280
10/11/08 08:48 PM
10/11/08 08:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,585
Northeast
G
Gypsy Offline
Member
Gypsy  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,585
Northeast
Hey Watusi..

My sister-in-law and her husband did something similar when they were divorcing. I was so impressed by the impartial, unbiased nature of the report. The husband was saying she was a raging alcoholic, she was saying he was doing everything to undermine her relationship with the kids by always pushing her buttons.

The report focused on the wellbeing of the young children. The synopsis of both parents was well balanced. It actually showed them how to be better parents.

Be your wonderful self.

*hugs*

Re: Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator [Re: Gypsy] #1619776
10/14/08 01:52 AM
10/14/08 01:52 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
N
No Longer BH Offline
Member
No Longer BH  Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
Hello Friend. I am sure you are very busy with the upcoming investigation. I wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. Remember Ready, you are an inpiration to so many and have gone through so much growth. You will be just fine because you are strong and have so much love from so many of us being directed your way. (((HUGS)))


Broken Hearted
------------------
Me - 36
H - 37
S - 8
Married - 1992
ILYNILWY - August 2007
Moved Out - March 2008
OW Revieled - May 28, 2008
Filed for D - July 2, 2008

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1599046&page=0&fpart=1
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