I don't know who that man is behind the curtain 2

[job]

Dawn,
Yes, it could be interpreted the way you presented it as well. But, his mind is all messed up and doesn't even realize that he's the one that had the power to return home and make things right. Mrs. H hasn't taken one thing from him and he's still sitting on the potty have a pity party.

Who knows what he actually meant to say in all of this. I still say go get that button from Staples and pound it every time he's on a button pushing rampage. It's a great stress reliever!

[MissH]

Hey all.

Snodderly, I LOL'd at you calling JA an ass.

W2S, Where have you been? I love when you stop by.

Dawn, at first I thought I interepted his statement as: didn't I have enough of his behavior but then the next morning I realized that maybe he meant it as: didn't I take enough from him (financially, emotionally, etc) I don't know which one it is now.

Quite frankly, it probably doesn't matter as the bottom line is, like Snodderly says, he messed up in the head.

He came yesterday. The realtor showed up on time and he was 20 minutes late. Dork.

We both decided that we didn't really care for this guy so we are not going to go with him.

When JA dropped the kids off from his visitation, he came in the house.

He said he had to get something out of his drawer.

I asked "what drawer?"

I forgot he had a designated kitchen cabinet drawer for his stuff.

I think I will go thru it and put it all in a box for him to take with him next time.

I don't need his sh!t in my house.

He also asked me where the pics were that he gave S7 last week. The pics were of their vacation in Bush Gardens with the bimbo.

I told him they are on the end table if you want them.

He said "no, they are for S7 for here."

I wanted to say to him "well keep them at your house then because I don't need the constant reminder here in my house."

I should of said it, I don't know why I didn't.

Instead I showed him a digital memory book I ordered online of the boys and ALL the fun WE had this summer.

He looked through it very fast and said "oh, it's nice."

Sure, he only wants me to see the fun THEY had.

Double Dork.

I have to go pick up my son at preschool, I will catch up later.

[MidwesternGirl]

"The realtor showed up on time and he was 20 minutes late. Dork."

Wow--he is really interested in getting this house on the market and sold, isn't he?

He also cannot stand the thought of the kids having a nice time with you at all.

I was watching that show, Reba, one day and her ex, who went thru a MLC and married ow, came over and asked where his stuff was and she said, "In the garage labeled junk that does not belong here anymore."

[Was2sad]

MrsH

Just focus on the mission at hand, sell the house. Get a place he has no history in or claim to. Let the kids put pictures of him in their room if they want to. They won't bother. Give them a choice, and they'll for posters of rock stars and their choice of super hero. He is neither.

The only way they will put his picture in their room is if he comes over and guilts them into it.

Then fill the common areas of your new home with bigger better pictures of them with you, smiling from ear to ear. Have professional shots done for framing somewhere. The kind that say "we are a family"

[chicki]

Mrs. H

How long did it take for you to get yr cs check once it was taken out frm your X?
How did it arrive, by mail?

[MidwesternGirl]

Mrs. H--Thinking of you............

[MissH]

Hey all,

W2S, I actually do have a couple pics in the boys rooms of JA and the boys that I put in montage(sp?)frames. However, I just don't need the constant reminder of them having "fun" on their vacations with the ow. I highly doubt JA has any pics of me and the kids at his place.

I like your ideas... When I lose some weight, I will get some professional family photos done of the kids and I, and the little pup too.

Chicki, so far, my child support check does not come directly out of JA's pay, he just gives me the check or directly deposits it in my bank account.

Thanks MWG!

So, JA is at it again.

Thursday night I accidently left my cell phone in my car. When I got into my car I saw that he left me a bunch of VMs. The first couple of ones he said that he just wanted to talk to the boys and have them call him back.

Then he started getting nasty. He said that he would like to know the status of the boys but either I left my cell phone in the car or I was being vindictive and wouldn't let him talk to the boys. And since I had no house phone he couldn't reach me. He also said that he would pick s7 up at the bus stop.

I have had enough. I call him only to get his VM and I left a message saying that I DID leave my cell phone in the car, and he would of been able to call the boys on a house phone if he didn't go and cancel it on me before I had a chance for the cable company to take it over. I also told him that he can pick the boys up at 4pm at the house, not the bus stop.

He TM's me after: I supported you and paid all your bills for 2 plus years while you tried to take the boys away forever. When the judge said I could stop I did. BTW, I make XXXX a month and give you XXXX. Stop crying poverty.

The next one said: Stop being vengeous and start new.

The next: How long did you expect me to pay?

I ignored his TM's and just responded with 6pm pack meeting for boy scounts at s7 school.

He responded with, I will be there at 4pm to take them.

So at 3:45pm, while I am waiting for s7 to come off the bus, JA shows up at the bus stop.

He asks me if I plan on being there at the cub scouts that night.

I said "yes I am. I have to re-register him afterall.

JA: Well I spoke with my L and he said you had no right to be there.

Me: What? That is not true and I recall at one of the 4 way meetings that YOUR L said we should both be at these events for the kids.

JA: Well you better call your L then because my L said you shouldn't be there.

Me: Well, I am going and that is it.

I walked away from him to join some of my other neighborhood moms/friends and he follows me and starts to say something nasty.

I told him: Not here, I am not dealing with your sh!t right now.

He said "well I wouldn't of called up my L and made such a big deal about this cub scout thing if you would just let me pick the boys up early. I said "this is all about control with you. You need to be in control at all times."

At this point S7 bus pulls up and I started to walk toward it to get him off the bus.

JA says "I will get him."

Me: no, I will, we are still on my time afterall.

JA runs up to grab s7 off the bus and proceeds to hold him like a 2 year old. He wouldn't even let me go near him to say hello to him, nothing.

After a couple of minutes I said to JA, he doesn't need to be held like a 2 year old in front of his friends.

He tells me to go away.

The whole time I could tell S7 wanted to say hello to me but he looked afraid to as he didn't want to make his father mad.

So finally I just said goodbye to S7 and said to him that I would see him later.

I get home and JA calls my cell. He says "I just talked to S7 and he says he does not want to join the cub scouts anymore."

I just said "yeah, whatever" and hung up.

S7 was excited about joining and now all of a sudden he doesn't want to join? I know he talked him into not joining.

So then I call my L. Some help he is. He said "look, you are just going to have to learn to deal with this."

I said to him "so, let me get this straight? I have to deal with his manipulation and harrassment for the next 15 years or so?"

My L said "well we can't always take the nitty gritty things before the judge. She may be one of those judges that says that visitation has dominance over everything else. So just sign him up for boy scouts and he will just have to miss the events on the weekends that JA has him."

I said to him "this isn't right. The courts obviously don't have the children's best interest in mind first. So he is just going to continue to get away with his BS and no one will hold him accountable for it."

My L: well usually when everything is all signed things go smoother and the spouse will usually be cooperative.

I said "well that's not going to be him. What's the point of having an agreement in place if he doesn't have to follow it? Even with this bus stop thing, s7 doesn't have a chance to come home for a few minutes, tell me how his day was, show me the homework he has to do, etc."

My L: Well, I will write him another letter.

Me: fine.

Like that is going to do anything.

I am so damn annoyed. JA gets to walk all over me and gets away with it for the next 15 years.

I was so stressed out last night that I didn't even want to talk about it here.

Instead, I went out an ordered some pasta, brought a bottle of red wine, and came home and caught up on some of my tv shows I had dvr'd.

As for JA, I can't stand him.

Oh, and I finally did get my home phone back on. At least that is a plus.

[job]

Mrs. H,
I hate to say it, but your lawyer is correct...you have to find a way to deal w/your JA. Choose your battles to take to the lawyer and learn to come here to bounce things off of us. Your lawyer is there to offer legal guidance and to ensure that your monetary rights and custodial rights are taken care of. It sounds like he's getting a bit tired of you phoning him every time JA does something that's not exactly in line with the agreement.

Right now, JA is acting out because he's madder than an old wet hen over what the agreement is. He's rebelling and you are caught in the middle. Look at how he's constantly bringing up about what he makes, pays you, the house and what he's lost. State your case w/him and do not go into anything else w/him. The man loves to push your buttons. He baits you, you bite the bait. Look at how he behaved in front of your son's bus mates and the parents? He doesn't care, but you do. Rise above it. Be the adult here. Think about it....how would you react/respond to a child who is rebelling? This is how you need to look at JA...he's acting like a kid who is afraid of losing his candy or his privileges. Find a way to break this cycle that you both are in. If you don't, it will continue to repeat itself over and over again and I don't think that's what you want, nor is it health for any of you, including your children.

I agree w/the lawyer...sign your son up for the activities. Go to the activities on the weekends you have him and let JA take him on the dates that he has him. Both of you will need to find a way to "share" the custody and the activities at some point. I don't think things will settle down w/JA until the divorce is finalized and about 6-18 months after that. Right now, he's flexing his authority for showmanship to all, including you.

I'm very sorry he's still acting like a JA, but when they are off kilter in the mind, this is how they behave. You might want to read the postings of MYTURNNOW. She had similiar issues w/her h and now after all of this time, he's settled down. It's time to take the boxing gloves off, step outside the ring and allow JA to shadow box w/himself.

I'm very, very sorry this baiting continues and he is making your life miserable...but the old saying "misery loves company"...is so true when it comes to people in crisis. Please, please take care of yourself. Find a support group in your area for parents w/o partners or a divorce support group. There are a number of them in my area and they are basically free and they will help you to work through some of these things that are happening to you. You need someone "live" to talk to you about these things and who better than other parents who have gone through this.

Please try to let it go for today and just relax and enjoy your day.

[a new 2moro]

im confused w/ your L...its a chance for him to bill you! everytime my H wet against court ordered stuff he could technically be found in contempt of court. my L would send his L a nasty gram and she would have to rile H up. When my H came and ransacked my house when i was away...my L was great.

i really am so confused you cant move. when everything points to better being able to provide your kids with a better life more comparable to the the one they had.

i feel so bad for you. maybe some IC for you or a legal advocate at an abuse center. with not being allowed to move and theway he breaks court ordered visitations, it really amounts to emotional abuse.

[fig]

Mrs. H

I think snodderly is very correct...you need to pick your battles

15 is 15 mins

if you acted as if you didn't care, he might not push that one for you

there are many many many battles and it doesn't matter how many of those we win or lose if our eye is on the prize and we grab that in the end

my ex hasn't paid childsupport
he owes me around 50000.

my sencond ex owes me around 10000 and it grows every month

someday I will take them back to court
but for now
i don't have to deal with either of them

its like one of those mastercard commercials