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fig Offline OP
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that sounds like a fun project

i am all about swiping other people's ideas

i might swipe that one!!!

;\)

fig #1596698 09/19/08 02:58 AM
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You can do the writing, my kids can do the illustrating! Who says we can't integrate \:\) Of course, its across state lines...is that legal?

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Morning smooches, Figgy! Friday (for you).

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Question here

how do you handle a disagreement when it seems like no sides are listening?

i have a firm belief
a battle worth fighting for

and

the other person says they share that but are not showin git in actions

everytime i try to bring this up i am told i am testing our friendship

and

i guess i am
i mean
it's not a pop quiz
it was clearly laid out

but they get really defensive when i call them on it...when i question their actions

i am told that i am sayign oen thing and then another, which i don't feel but maybe i am

how do you resolve this sort of thing

in the past i would suck it up and hold it in or cut and run from the friendship

i don't WANT to do either

suggestions please????

fig #1597294 09/19/08 06:39 PM
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Well fig,

This can get dicey. The first thing I always ask myself is if this friendship is worth it. Some friendships are very 1 sided where there is no give and take, it's all give. At onetime I would have just gone along. I don't do this anymore. Life's just too darn short! If this person has a place in your heart and they feel the same, then they wouldn't want you to have to hold this in. I believe true friends want the best for us.

However there are many different levels of friendship, close, casual, acquaintances. If what is bothering you is going to destroy what you have with this person and they won't deal with it, I think I would try to get to the bottom of it or at least accept the limits of this friendship. Sometimes you just have to be willing to lose it all in order to be true to yourself.

fig #1597402 09/19/08 07:52 PM
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Thuggy,
I am going to shake my diluted head from side to side and see what comes out only because you have added and provided SOOOO much on my gasping thread. (hence no promises of divine wisdom here)
Quote:
i have a firm belief
a battle worth fighting for

and

the other person says they share that but are not showin git in actions

everytime i try to bring this up i am told i am testing our friendship


Life tests each and every ones friendships daily. I have never understood this statement except for the fact that it always puts one on the defensive. All problems or disagreements survive and grow off darkness. When mouths are closed, darkness and suspicions grow. Clarity is the only ointment.

Quote:
they get really defensive when i call them on it...when i question their actions

i am told that i am sayign oen thing and then another, which i don't feel but maybe i am

how do you resolve this sort of thing

in the past i would suck it up and hold it in or cut and run from the friendship


Often times I find myself on the other side of this equation because I must have real problems in the cognitive area but what helps me with this conflict is knowing that I have to acheive clarity so if all avenues have been exhausted by trying to sift through all the details with the other individual go without resolution, then I say "How bout we sit on this for a couple of days and think about it and then we can talk about it with maybe some sort of resolution. I would hate to see anything like this stand in our way of our friendship"
That being said, my success rate (especially in my M)is about 50/50. Not great odds but something. I try to live by the rule that I don't know everything nor does the other person in front of me know everything. Then I have a pint of beer, mumble to a Replacements song and strum a few strings away from everyone.
Of course I come back to hurt feelings but I feel a little more clear headed.
So there you are....fragments of thought from my diluted head. I hope it helps figgy...peace on the pathways

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fig Offline OP
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whapu

i miss you

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

you have great wisom there

you and bethie both have given me lots to think about

i think that handling this correctly will be a great test for me

i think my beleifs make trying to hear what the other person is saying very difficult
and
their defensiveness pisses me off which makes me lash out

ugh

i need to stop this unhealthy cycle in me

i have serious issues when people get defensive and stop listening

it shuts me down

maybe writing it out
so i can see the consistencies for myself
will help me understand what is happening better

or at least give me something tangible

fig #1597424 09/19/08 08:02 PM
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and i love the replacements

all shook down is awesome

fig #1597596 09/20/08 12:02 AM
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Is what the other person trying to say going against your believes? because you say you think your beliefs make it hard to hear. So then maybe you just don't believe in the same thing and to have the friendship you both will just have to agree to disagree or not be friends on that level.

Trip #1598432 09/21/08 03:59 AM
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fi g g y ,

You r postto poe t wasg reat. Shejustcan' t hea r it now, I suppose . Tha nks for tryin gtohelp her.


M ycom p uter is all fi g gied up.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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