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Joined: Jun 2007
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Hi All - Ive been on this site for a while now. Started out like a lot of people in denial about the affair because she swore to my face nothings going on. Well a year and half later find out she was lying the whole time. Ofcrse I didnt hear it from her she still has the nerve to deny to my face. I have reached a point where it I tell myslf that it doesnt matter but it sure matters when Im lying in bed thinking about what we used to have and how she took it all away. She filed for D a year ago we have joint physical custody worked out but still are figuring out our assets and finances. We have been trying to sell our house in this horrible market and finally accepted an offer and close in Sept. Knock on wood, its contingent on the ppl selling theres. Anyway, the reason Im writing this besides a forum to vent, is to ask you experienced DBers recovering from infidelity. how do you let go? How do you let go of the pain, of the hurt, of the resentment, of the wondering of what could have been and what could be? How could I still want to be with this person that did this? We were together 12 yrs had a child together. I guess its understandable. She wants to be friends. She wants be to accept and understand what she did. Which I would understnd better if I was a jerk or awhole like a lot of guys are like out there and deserve it. BUt not me. DOnt get me wrong. I have my issues but nothing that deserved this. I have been working on myslf. Becoming aware of my strengths and weaknesses. But yet I still cant help but going back to what she did is wrong. Not telling me how she was feeling was wrong. Not choosing divorce as the last option instead of the first was wrong. Not really thinking about our daughters future of growing up in 2 houses was wrong. I do get better everyday, but it still hurts like hell. I dont know how ppl can throw it all away thinking the grass is greener. I do know the next time around I will find someone that has the same value system as I do.

thanks for listening. B

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not one comment??? no support. glad I posted.

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Broken if no one has posted in the first 16 hours, wait longer. They might not have seen your post ! Unfortunately your spouse has made some really bad decisions, obviously not thinking about repercussions. It comes down to being selfish. You have to trust she'll see the light. In the mean time you need some hobbies. If you already have some then you need to try something new cuz you're still stressing bout your R


2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF

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Broken,

I didn't comment because it was unclear what you were asking, or if you were just venting.

I will say this, though -- I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I had NO intention of being her friend (must less her BEST friend) if she decided to end her marriage this way. The potential loss of my friendship was a big factor for her in ending her affair.

Puppy

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I don't know how long it takes to get over it because I am not fully there myself yet. I do think I have accepted it. The divorce is going to be final someday soon and I am going to live my life. I still have 4 kids to raise, still have all the things I had before and I still have hope. Just a different kind. I am not necessarily hoping my H will get his head out of the...sand, but hope that I will have a better life because I am in the driver's seat. He may try to every once and a while hop in and try to grab the wheel but I have a pretty good grip on it.

Take the focus off of them and put it on you and your girls. GAL. It is all about choices. I had a dilemma just Sunday. I had gotten into an argument with H and was to the point of crying. I decided after he left with the kids that I could either spend the rest of the afternoon crying or I could go do something. I went to the movies, had fun and came and had a short crying spell and felt so much better. Do something similiar yourself. Hope that helped.

kat


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Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Thank you all for your comments. This has definitely been a very difficult period. I do fight with the friendship thing. I can't be friends with someone I don't trust or respect. I don't know if she would care as much as puppy's wife did. We will see in time I guess.

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You let go of the resentment because it only hurts you. You let it go because resentment, anger, jealousy etc... is YOUR baggage and to be healthy and healed means you have to work through it and learn to let it go.

But people heal at different rates, and then there are some people that never heal. They just carry that baggage and all the anger, resentment and hurt the rest of their lives.

We probably all can think of someone like that.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.

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