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Two invites in a month? Someone is calling to you...

Sending good thoughts your way, and to those you love...you've had a lot to go through.

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Thanks Donna.

Yeah. Just a wierd coincidence. Especialy with the 2nd invite coming from XH's cousin - who I am friends with.
He assured me that XH doesn't come to the service.
I took the opportunity to let my curiosity get the best of me and asked if XH ever talked or asked anything about me. Cousin answered honestly - no. I said that it was alright, I know he's got a new, different life. Cousin said he's different but the same - hard to explain.
Just a little down this time of year. Sad to think I'm so easy to erase.
I'm usually ok. Just certain times, certain thoughts, feelings, etc. Geesh - you'd think after 3 years.....


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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I'm learning to live with the fact that being divorced isn't some thing that just goes away. Slowly overtime thoughts and memories fade. Oh well. Anyways

BF is going camping with his friend this weekend, so he won't even see me off for my trip. Almost a whole week apart. Could be good.

My mom and her H decided that they do need to move to a house that is #1 more handicap accessible for if and when the time comes and also #2 is closer to ...everything else \:\)


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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So I'm on this work trip to Indianapolis. I'm with a couple of other women. Somehow today at lunch we got on the subject of love and marriage and cheating. Turns out I'm divorced, a woman I'll call A is divorced after being cheated on, another woman I'll call T is still married after being cheated on and the 4th woman - M, is currently married after being cheated on but is still very much in the midst of it.

At lunch she started to let loose, but at dinner it really came out. In the most bizzare way too. M is a bubbly person, in her early 50's. She talks to everyone and complimented someone on their clothes. That started a conversation and somehow the 5 of us women were all talking about marriage and cheating. Turns out Stranger went through a divorce too. M was saying she doesn't know if she can forgive him, they went through counseling for a while but have stopped. He won't even admit to the affair, even though M went as far as hiring a PI! He has done a total 180 but there is a lot more than the affair. He has been verbally and mentally abusive! She went through breast cancer and that is when he had his affair and he wasn't even there for her! She said the OW has called her house as recently as 3 weeks ago. Her H claims that OW is just a crazy stalker (can I see a show of hands of those of you who hear this?)
Anyway, tonight was the first time M really talked about it because she blames herself and she was too embarassed to talk about it with any of her friends. In talking to us co-workers and the stranger it really came out.
Well.....to make a funny ending, she was drinking wine all night then had some cranberry and vodka. Needless to say I made sure she was tucked in tight to sleep it off. \:\)


Seeing all these people who went through similar situations and had such different outcomes - just...Wow.


Some things the stranger was talking about also really hit home with me about love, marriage, divorce and my R with BF and even my R with some of my friends.

Interesting to see how God works things out sometimes, huh?


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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TMW,

;\)

I am always happy to read your updates and see how you are doing. You have gone through so much, and you are still, cheerful, hopeful, loving and hard working! I do believe God smiles down on you. ;\)

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Things are moving on up. I haven't broken up with BF but I'm fed up with his bull and it's put up or shut up because I've got better things to do with my time and energy than deal with him \:\) I deserve more, I deserve better!
Here's what one of our mutual friends wrote last week when I was sharing my feelings about the conversation I was having with the other ladies on the trip:

Well, sweetie, I have been telling you that for some time now. YOU DESERVE to be with someone that makes you happy, that does little things out of the blue just because they are thinking about you and want to see you smile. Want to build a future for you both, work and strive together for the wonderful things in life. Someone that wants to hear how your day was as much as they want to tell you about theirs. Someone that thinks about you during the middle of the day and wonders "what are they doing right now", and cant wait to get home just to be together.
You know as well as anyone around you that BF is not that person, I am sorry, but you know it is true. As much as you love him, you get NOTHING in return. It is the hard fact of life, but you need to be the one that decides if you are going to put up with it, or not. I asked him last night how it was being there alone, all he said was it was nice and quiet and he had the whole bed to himself. Not, its weird with Ang not here, or I miss here being here, or anything. He then started telling me his brother is going to Florida with him and how they are
gonna do this and that when they get there, go to Ft. Lauderdale and stuff. Honestly, I do not even think he realizes he is in a
relationship. You once told me you felt like roomates, and you know something, you are. Those ladies you talked about did something to make the change and make themselves happy. As you said, the one did not want to be supporting a man, being a caretaker for him, being miserable for the rest of her life, so she did something about it. Look honey, I hate so much to be the one to say these things to you, I care a lot about
BF, he is my friend, but I do not condone the things he does, nor the way he does you. It is a hard position to be in for me, but you know, I care about you too, and want to see you happy. All BF cares about right now is going to Florida, and to hear him talk about it is like hearing someone talking about going and having a blast, not one word about the responsibility, the work, the learning, NADA! He talks like it is going to be fun, fun, fun. The bottom line is he has not grown up. we were talking and his brother said, Mom's cooking dinner and wants to know when you are coming over so she can make your favorite. Then he was saying how when we got back from the cabin, she
cooked for him and stuff. I looked right at him and said "Wow, it must be nice to be so spoiled" he just giggled and said yes it is, then I looked at him and said "how old are you anyway". If BF was not with you, his mother would be doing him the same way. Sad, very sad.

Anyway, you have heard this stuff before, I was going to erase the email, but decided to send it anyway. You know I am always here, we are good friends and I want to see you happy no matter what you decide to do, I am here for you.






I love my friends \:\) I just wanted to share that empowerment.
But no, I haven't kicked him out or broken up with him (sorry to some of you out there). But he definately knows that a change blew back into town with me \:\)

It didn't help matters that when I came home Thursday I got home and relaxed. Then BF came home. My car was towed. Ended up being the fuel pump.
Seriously - I bought this car - a 2005 Dodge Stratus - used in 2005. It had 12,000 miles on it. Since I've had it, in 3 years I/We've had to replace the fuel pump, the rotors, the brakes, the spark plugs, the spark plug wires. I need tirods and ball joints. What the heck!?!??

Anyway. I just lounged all weekend. I took it easy, watched TV and vegged. BF's mom and I went to the store and she purchased him a pay as you go cell phone in case of emergencies. He's back to work with his old employer \:\( That means unsteady work \:\( Like today.
I called and yelled at BF because he wasn't doing anything and hadn't done anything all day. I told him - he's home, I'm working overtime to make up some of the money that's not coming in else were and the VERY least that he can do is figure out dinner. I told him - when I work OT I leave the house at 7am and I don't get home until after 7pm and I'm on the phone all day answering every question under the sun about military pay and our online pay system and billions of other questions that aren't even about pay or even related to my specific job.

Needless to say dinner was done when I came home \:\) Something go through that thick skull.

I guess I'm using DB a bit. I'm doing a 180. I'm not giving in, I'm not backing down. I just care about me (and my dog and cat \:\) )





Anyways that's my venting/post/update ;\)

Mom and her husband are doing well. She told her H off this weekend too \:\) Like mother like daughter \:\) She's doing so much more than she's supposed to, but no one can come out to her on a regular basis since she's so far away from everyone. So hopefully they find a house and we can move them soon. Moving in the winter is my least favorite time to move.




I'm finding myself in someways drawn to talk about my D and my XH and it really sucks this time of year. Saturday would have been our 6 year anniversary. Exactly 1 week later is the 3 year anniversary of our divorce. How wierd. At least the D wasn't on our wedding anniversary, although then it would just be 1 day to get over. This year more than the previous 2 the date has just been brought up and situations have come up were the natural conversation leads to talking about it. Blah! I better make some sort of plans for Saturday that don't involve a calender or referencing the date.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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TMW you keep coming back here for a reason. You never did the work on yourself to get over your XH and what happened, you just used the bandaid of your BF to dull the pain.

You keep talking about BF stepping up, Girlfriend it is not going to happen. That is not who he is! You are worth soooo much more.

I am sorry to be so blunt and I hope this does not chase you away, but I have told you before that I see so much of my young self in what you write. I wish so baldy I could go back to that time and do the painful work on myself. Had I been able to do so my life would be so much better now.

I guess this post is more about me than you... but please at least think about what I am saying.


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NNP is right on and it's what many of us have been telling you, especially in regard to BF. You've been supporting his lazy butt for a long time and believing his BS. He won't change and if you ditch him, he'll just find some other woman (or his mom) to continue to support him.

I've always felt that you're just a meal ticket to him. In exchange for you supporting him, he has to do a few chores. Big deal!!!

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I agree 100% with NNP and Jill and wanted to write it last night but you usually get very upset at my blunt posts. Now I see that you are writing EXACTLY what I've been saying all along. But girl - you have to stop writing about it. I've been telling you to dump his sorry ass for 2.5 years but seriously - I think you are afraid to be alone so you'd rather hold on to a loser than have no one. JUST DO IT! What are you waiting for. You are getting older and your biological clock is running out with someone you would NEVER want to have a child with. Stop wasting your time.

My advice today is the same as it was 2.5 years ago. MOVE ON! I have been divorced about the same amount of time as you. Can't even remember the month never mind the date. I remember what my anniversary was but don't dwell on it. I don't dread it I usually do something fun that day. And I was married to him for 25 years with 3 kids.

Your friend who emailed you is a good friend. Because good people will tell you the truth whether you like it or not. I'd like to think that I'm one who cares and I'm beginning to think you're gonna figure that out.

Barb

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TMW,

You're reaching out to us again and you have to admit all we're giving you is our opinion. We gladly share.

I can't imagine being pleased that someone made dinner after I worked a 2nd shift to pay the bills. I'd be pi$$3d because I had to make him do it. Hey, that's not a bad deal-for HIM.

What a good friend you have to put herself on the line to tell you what you need to hear. She almost deleted it because she probably knows it could go either way. All I have to say is KEEP THAT FRIEND OF YOURS. She's a keeper.


I know you want to have a child some day TM. If you stay with BF you could, but you'd never enjoy the child having to take care of everything. It's unfair, but that's life. In today's economy I honestly don't know how young people with children are doing it. But I will tell you this: It takes two. And even then it's hard work.

Nobody can change your sit but you. You know that. What I want you to think about is how has your BF changed since you first starting posting about him over 2 years ago. Write it down. Also, ask yourself how you had hoped 2008 would be for yourself and how much has changed since you sold the condo. I seem to recall you planning for debt reduction and a more stable existence.

I know your X hurt you and that's probably why you allow this. Most of us were older when that happened and already had our children. But you could look at this as a pathway to prevent your kids from going through what other DB'ers kids had to endure. People will take advantage of us as long as we allow it. Plus, you DO deserve better.

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