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#1537797 07/29/08 10:35 PM
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sgctxok Offline OP
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Gotcha.

You think this woman is going to tell you how to man up. I'm not.

I'm also going to tell you to be careful about joining in on the 'man up' bandwagon.


Only you know what you can live with. On YOU ... IF you experiment....try different things and monitor results. Honestly. Keep a log. Your buddies nor your friends here. They can offer brainstorming solutions.......but they don't live your life or with your wife.



Setting boundaries with consequences MAY work.....setting boundaries with a lot of discussion MAY work (because you're dealing with a woman).

Getting tough....I can pretty much tell you .... is you are LUCKY if it works. It probably isn't.

Being a pushover isn't going to work.

So WORK your tools in DR.....it isn't hard, actually.


But don't jump on the blame your spouse or get tough bandwagon if you'd like to keep your family together.

Last edited by sgctxok; 08/06/08 02:04 AM.

sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
sgctxok #1537808 07/29/08 10:41 PM
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this is a great great post.

happyincognito #1537843 07/29/08 10:58 PM
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Great post and most definitely true. i have seen what happens when you push. they either push back or move farther away.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
craig54 #1537888 07/29/08 11:21 PM
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Great post.

I am TIRED of having friends and family pestering me about how I'm a schmuck for trying to be amicable with my wife, how I need to immediately sit down with an attorney and file for a D, how I should dump all W's stuff on the doorstep, how I should hire some barracuda to shut my wife out of child custody completely and lock her out of my $$$, etc.

They don't get it.

THEY are part of the problem. Our society's acceptance of marriage as little more than a "choice" that can be dropped when one's perceived personal needs seem more important, its acceptance of shysters slugging it out to besmirch each spouse's reputation, the need for bloody vengeance... my alleged friends and many in my family are part of the frigging problem. I may be stuck with my blood, but I've already dropped every single "friend" who kept urging me to go after W with bloody, Sicilian-style vendetta.

I draw the line when and where it needs drawing (e.g, not letting wife and OM have my three agreed-upon custody days to take kids camping), but W and I have worked damned hard to stay friends. Not only am I DBing my ass of, but my counselor is helping me keep my resentment and anger in check, reminding me that W has done great things for/with me, and reminds me that one of my jobs is to not make life with me less attractive than life with OM. It's damned hard, and I will jettison any 3rd party who makes it harder.






Me: 47
Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8
Bomb: 5/5/08
Married: 16 years, together 20
Divorce final 8/11/10
I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12...
"Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Mike85 #1537983 07/30/08 12:32 AM
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Rock on Mike!


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
sleeper #1538010 07/30/08 12:52 AM
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sgctxok Offline OP
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Mike..you ARE the man!


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
sgctxok #1538247 07/30/08 03:30 AM
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Now THAT is a man. Mike, I hope she figures it out soon!

Best of luck~


~Happiness is for the brave...
DiDi #1538808 07/30/08 03:54 PM
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Thanks for the "props," sleeper, sg, Deauxlie...

Originally Posted By: Deauxlie
Now THAT is a man. Mike, I hope she figures it out soon!


Me too, Deauxlie, me too.

Originally Posted By: Deauxlie
Best of luck~


Thanks. \:\)


Me: 47
Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8
Bomb: 5/5/08
Married: 16 years, together 20
Divorce final 8/11/10
I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12...
"Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Mike85 #1543663 08/02/08 06:59 PM
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sgctxok Offline OP
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^


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
sgctxok #1544308 08/03/08 06:37 PM
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heyya SG

I'm just wonderin what you mean here. are you saying that setting a boundary with a consequence is bad?

Love ya.

Ford.

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