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First Thread --> Ready2Change (1) looking for guidance!
Second Thread --> Ready2Change (2) - Detached
Third Thread --> Ready2Change (3) - Papers filed
Forth Thread --> Ready2Change (4) - Drop the Rope
Fifth Thread --> Ready2Change (5) - No trust

Recap of my sitch:

I have been living with my wife for the past 17 years (married 11). We both are profesionals and make a good living. We have S9,S7,D6.

Feb 14 --> Realized my M was not in good shape.
Feb 18 --> I told wife "We need to talk". I listed out the following:
I want to do what is best for our M.
I want to do what is best for our kids.
I want to listen (really listen) to W.
I want more effective and frequent communication.
I don't want to get mad or angry.
I want to spend more one on one time with W.
I want to do more family activities.
I want to spend more one on one time with each of our kids.
I want to let W have the freedom to do what she wants.
I want W to let me have the freedom to do what I want.

Feb 18 --> I got the bomb (I don't want to be married to you any more, I don't want to slowly die inside, I want to find my soul mate )

I started DBing right away (Before I found/read book). Lots of 180's. I stayed out of W bubble and got into kids bubble. Cleaned up my looks. Started doing housework while W not around.

March 4: Read DR. (Wow those two weeks felt like months) Time was in slow motion.

March 4: This was the lowest point in R. No eye contact from W and only 1 Hi. She did not look good. She went to bed early and without saying goodnight to kids.

Lots of reading including:
Divorce Remedy
Venus/Mars
His needs/Her needs (good book!)

April 3: I find out W sells stock to retain lawyer. I believe I convinced her there is beter options including mediation.

April 4: First telephone coaching session

April 17: All day session with Wife and Michele

April 29: I visit lawyer to find out my rights. My state is Joint custody in 85% of cases and it is an equal equity state. Most of my fear goes away.

May 3 : I find out W has retained lawyer. Wants me to go sign papers at her lawyers on the 5th.

May 4th : Notify W I have lawyer and her lawyer needs to call mine.

June 1rst: Wife and I talk for first time in a while.

July 1: Wife and I agree to Nest. I have house and kids SMT W has kids and house WTF and we alternate S. 50/50 split.

Almost all communication is now by EMAIL. A few phone calls. We are dividing stuff, I move out August 1-3.

July 23 - Wife said good night to me on the phone! This was one of my original baby goals. Talk about patience...5 months.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Temporary Orders hearing is in two days (Monday). I am preparing for court. Time to be cool, calm, and focused. I plan on dressing very nice and complimenting Wife. We have a 4 way at 9AM and the hearing at 10:30. Hearing will be 1 hour. W's L will ask W questions for 10 minutes, then my L asks W questing for 5 minutes. Then reverse with me. Each L then has 5 minutes of closing. Judge then makes decision for the last 10.

Wish me luck!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Yikes.. so that's what happens with Temporary Orders?

Good luck.. good wishes.

I'm trying to get over my fear of being fearful of that.. ugh.

*hugs*

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Best of luck to you R2C... cool, calm and focused - that is a great plan!


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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I'm praying for you.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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R2C,
Good luck and you and your family are in my prayers.


My hearing is August 14 at 1130. Hoping to have a settlement agreement in place prior. And you are right, this is not the time to let your emotions take over. Be calm, cool and collected.

Chris


Me 34
W 33
D 4
S 2
M 5
T 8
Bomb 6/17/08
Served 7/17/08
I hate Tuesdays!
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Hi all,

Thank you so much for your wishes and prayers.

Judge ruled that schedule stays the way it is:

The children are with me Sun Mon Tue
The children are with W Wed Thu Fri
Alternating Sat.

This decision releases alot of stress.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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This empathy thing sucks! Tears keep trying to come out today, but I didn't let them since kids were present. I know W is upset about what when down today. I feel sad that she is hurting. I feel sad that R is not improving (I know, be patient). I still miss my W. Packing makes this all the more real.

My stress level should go down some more after I move out and have the new place set up.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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On a good note, kids and I went looking at sofas. W is keeping the one in the "marital house", so we will need one at our new house.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Hey Ready,
Sounds like you are having a tough time too. Thank you for having enough strength to encourage me even while you are in such pain.
I wish I could offer you more...sometimes I don't think words capture what we are going through, but I will offer what I can. You are walking a painful road but...you are WALKING.

B


My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
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