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Trusting in God's plan I am not sure that this is his plan. The bible says that when we marry we become one flesh and that God hates divorce.We need to pray for our husbands that The Lord will speak to their hearts and turn those hearts of stone into flesh

[rejoiceministries.org]

they teach that this is the way to go unless there is physical abuse.The divorce rate is so high these days. everyone just gives up instead of standing strong with the Lord and praying for our marriages to heal.. as well as our hearts. I encourage you to go there and visit this website I believe it will help alot of you ... look at the steelersfan thread she is a stander for her family and her husband as myself Be Blesed In Jesus Name


M-53
H-46
M-24+YRS
BOMB-10/14/07
2-S
2-D
Grandkids-7
Greatgrand kid-1
He needs space...
Wants to start fresh new life W O/W
Moved in his O/W Oct.08
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Yikes!

IRMAT, if you are so incline, please don't post this kind of stuff on my thread. We are mostly all divorced on this forum and most of us fought as hard as we could to avoid what we did not want--a divorce. But, despite the pain we have gone through, we are finding happiness post divorce now and that is what this forum is about--supporting each other in our new lives. You are new here and I realize it is part of the healing process to give advice, but perhaps your advice would be more useful in Newcomers or Piecing.

Nicola, I have watched you struggle, and fight and grow and grieve for over 2 years now and I know you did a great job fighting for your marriage and I know you did everything you could. Your grief and sorrow were huge and you have found peace despite your pain--Hallelujah!!! It takes two to make a marriage work--your husband is the one who gave up and although you and I do not have the same faith I respect how you did turn to that faith for help. Sometimes we marry the wrong person and "abuse" can take many forms. YOu were strong enough not to lose yourself to the sorrow.

IRMAT, I'm sure your intentions are good, but if you don't know Nicola's situation, or all that she went through or the stuff her ex put her through (including what some would consider abusive) then please refrain from lecturing to her about what God wants for her. And to be honest, I wouldn't want to be in Steelers shoes for a million bucks although I wish her well it what seems to be a very difficult situation.

Anyway Nicola, I am very proud of you and know you have a wonderful and blessed life ahead of you.

XOXOX
Althea

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Did not mean to ruffle anybody's feathers I am new and having trouble knowing where to post and not to post. To each his own on the faith and trust some of us have and I was not trying to lecture Ni just wanted to let her know there is spiritual help out there for us all and the website I gave was for only that purpose... I hope I did not offend anyone in here that was not my intention.. Be Blessed in Jesus Name.......


M-53
H-46
M-24+YRS
BOMB-10/14/07
2-S
2-D
Grandkids-7
Greatgrand kid-1
He needs space...
Wants to start fresh new life W O/W
Moved in his O/W Oct.08
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Thank you, dear friends, for your kind thoughts. You have all meant so much to me, in different ways, and I am delighted that you still care enough to read my little story.

Special thanks to Althea for coming to my defense here. I am still tender at times, and I really didn't know how to respond. You are a gem.


Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself
My thread: Trusting God's Plan
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IRMAT,

Quote:
everyone just gives up instead of standing strong with the Lord and praying for our marriages to heal.. as well as our hearts.


I don't know how you could think this wouldn't be offensive. I spent two years DBing and praying for my H, and he still moved in with another woman, got engaged to her, and started wearing a new wedding ring.

It has taken me a long to time to accept what has happened and not to blame myself for my marriage falling apart. I have taken responsibility for my part, but I'm not the alcoholic narcissist, so there was only so much I could do.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but please refrain from posting such judgmental words on my thread.


Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself
My thread: Trusting God's Plan
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"I look at myself in the mirror now, and I see a beautiful woman, inside and out. "

Nic, This is something we all knew long ago. We simply found patience and offered support until you discovered it.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

Steve

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Geez Louise. God has a plan for each of us, and it is often VERY different than what we thought it was/ should be.

Be well, dear friend.


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IRMAT,

By and large, you're talking to a lot of victims of divorce in these forums. As such they did not (or do not) want divorce, but it is/was being thrust upon them by their wayward spouse.

If you truly believe, as I do, that divorce is abhorrent to God and, as Jesus put it, a concession to our hardened hearts, I kindly suggest that you put your words into action and help seek reform in our culture and in our laws. No Fault Divorce Laws are a travesty, and the legal system no longer supports marriage and families.

Believe me few here want or wanted divorce, but regrettably the world we live in makes it all too easy for unilateral divorce.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Sadly, I must disagree with NoCodeBlue. I agree that divorce is sad, painful, unwanted. But for those of us trapped in a toxic M with a W who does not want, respect or value our R, divorce is the only way out.

I WISH my state had a No Fault clause. The state of NY makes D very difficult..so hard to the point that using the only one available forces you to say horrible things about your W which causes anger and makes the D more difficult.

Nobody here wants a D. Those that ARE here are quite clearly trying to save their M. But wallowing in a codependent relationship forever while you are treated with disrespect, dishonesty and infidelity...is unhealthy and you should question your reason for being there. (note I didn't say divorce still).
FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
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FIB,

I guess we will have to just agree to disagree on that. No one here advocates suffering under real abuse. And as for toxic relationships, I am dealing with one myself. But if I have to be perfectly honest, I inadvertently and unintentionally brought a lot of the toxicity into my M too, not just my W. Even if that were not so, I am still obligated under my vows do whatever is necessary and weather any storm necessary to see my M through.

I agree whole-heartedly that in the end it really takes two people to make it work. However, M still takes a LOT of work, and if the escape clause is so easy to acquire, why should anyone make that effort?

The root of the problem lies with our modern proclivity to treat M so frivolously, such that our spouses are granted cover in today's society for the worst of behaviors. Unfortunately the rampant D rate sends the wrong message to our children, that when things get tough, we run from our problems and responsibilities. This only perpetuates the cycle to another generation. Every thing becomes expendable and disposable to self gratification.

Perhaps I paint a pretty harsh picture -- too harsh, maybe? Or perhaps in holding to such ideals I tilt Quixotically at windmills. I understand where you're coming from, really I do. Part of me, too, would be apprehensive about trying to piece together a broken M, especially given the bad blood that has arisen. But I am not given any say in the decision to try or not to try. Under No Fault, the State allows for and encourages a unilateral dissolution.

Maybe without No Fault D, people would think twice before getting married in the first place? Maybe they would hold it in higher esteem again? Maybe. Something to think about.

Best regards.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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