I realize my sitch isn't as bad as others. Suffering is still suffering. You know maybe it would be easier if she would have no contact. That is almost impossible with the kids.
You know six year olds are pretty smart. I asked my son. What are we going to do to get mommy home. He said he didn't know but he tells her that he wants her to come home. That he misses her and wants her to come home. He said she says OK in a real mean voice. Sometimes she says Ok in a sad voice. I asked him when he asked her this. He said he usually asks her in the car.
Right and where you went to the bottle I 180'd and quit.
I'm still hoping there isn't an OM involved but gee your imagination just goes crazy. Yes she looked me in the eyes and told me it was over. I still don't believe it. However she proves it everyday when she doesn't want anything to do with me. I have come to expect nothing. It still seems like there is OM, but really in all acutality she hasn't had time for it. However my buddy said, people find time. Really if there was OM I think it would have came out by now. Kids talk. People talk. Even family can't keep their mouth shut.
Well good for her she can go work her a$$ off slinging ice cream cones. (That sounded angry.) I can not worry about her anymore. I am not responsible for her anymore. Is this an anger detacthment.
By the way Mark Twain was an atheist. I wouldn't read his words if they were on toliet paper.
"So you prefer the direct approach I guess. " Duh... Give me the black and white.
"You are not fricken special." You are right, but you are.
"The difference is I came on here to change myself. To better my behaviors and fix what I was doing wrong. At some point I let go of her and was only concerned with myself." Well good for you.
"You on the other hand simply wish to blame her for it all and not have the patience or strength to do what needs to be done." Which is what? Change myself?
"See that is bullshitt." You wouldnt be telling her you love her, trying to kiss her," Dude did you bother to read anything she was the one constantly giving me the cheek wanting me to kiss her. If I didn't then she got mad. If I did I just validated her decision to leave.
" I was wondering what the hell happened to the great and mighty Kreskan. Now I know. " Good I'm glad you solved that mystery. I'll be able to sleep tonight. Kreskan???? Oh Kreskin, he never found the check. Maybe he should look for cheese.
"To be honest with you, in reading your stuff, I wonder what the hell you are doing here." Me too...
"Are you real or just someone who enjoys this sort of thing. If it is real are we getting the whole truth, or only what the dilluted painter wishes us to see." Yes you keep thinking that. I am as real as they come.
"If your done being a smart ass now" I thought you were...
"what is right in front of you is a woman who has left you but continually puts herself in your face. A woman who pushes your limits to see just what she can get you to do whether it be get mad, hostile, loving, or scared. She tests you constantly and constantly you fail." I don't think it is a test. I think it is her just abusing me. You see nothing in her little head came true. I didn't turn into Scott Peterson. I am not stalking her. I don't bother with her. I only interact with her when she interacts with me. I try to make it as positive as possible. Then I have advice given to me and I say why I shouldn't do it. Then I do it, and it blows up in my face.
"People here suggest to you how to behave and you don't listen. You would rather do things your way because you know so damn much. Let me know how to get onto http://www.lostphil.com so I can fix my marriage with your fantastic technique please." Like I said. I know my wife. So I'm going with the flow. She thinks she is controlling the situation. She always controlled the marriage. So go ahead control what you want. Be angry. Be lost. Be alone. I don't really care. I told you guys two weeks ago I felt like putting a dam bullet in my head. Now I don't.
Dude, I'm doing it. I'm journaling it's part of my GAL. I just happen to be journalling with interaction.
Nobody and I mean nobody here has the answers. Only she has the answers.
I have a goal and it was the same goal as before. I don't want to be on these boards with thousands of post under my belt years from now.
Maybe all of this is bullsh|t. Maybe you enjoy it. Because you read it. Maybe you need to find something. Maybe you still need to change. Maybe some of us need to stop making excuses.
You know six year olds are pretty smart. I asked my son. What are we going to do to get mommy home. He said he didn't know but he tells her that he wants her to come home. That he misses her and wants her to come home. He said she says OK in a real mean voice. Sometimes she says Ok in a sad voice. I asked him when he asked her this. He said he usually asks her in the car.
Phil, I have an 8 yr old S. I can't imagine putting the pressure of our separation or our upcoming D on him. I really wish you would re-consider asking him questions like that. It's so difficult on these young ones, they don't need that pressure of having to choose their loyalty or being the peace maker. They are not mature enough to process something like this. Their security is threatened and you need to reassure them you will be there for them regardless of what happens between you and their Mom. Don't bad mouth their Mom or recruit them to make her feel guilty. That's just not right!
Please, if you get anything right here, make it your kids welfare and happiness.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
So once again.. full circle.. right back where we started from.
So again.. This question has been asked numerous times..
Let me write it out real clear...
Are you here to journal with no interaction?
You are saying that this is still the way you feel..
"From LostPhil..
I'm fine. My head is super clear. I feel like a huge burden of living up to her standards are over. I'm eating. I'm sleeping. I writing. I'm going to school. I'm focused."
LostPhil is just posting his feelings. He just wants to document his thoughts. He has no issues.. and everything is under control. He has focus and things are going to work themselves out."
All you have to do is write it out with you QWERTY keyboard.. and everyone will leave you alone.
3 little letters or 2. The choice is yours.
Or you can do as I expect and disregard the question.
The message won't change.. no matter how hard you try. Too many people have been where you are.. made the changes.. and come back. Heck even the ones who did not still believe it.
If you think people are doing this for any other reason than they want you to win.. Well.. you would be insulting your own intelligence.
And.. you really don't want me praying for you.. or your wife.. cause it never turns out the way I expect it to.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
There is some sick twisted humor in this saga - kind of like watching a Borat/Ali G segment...
Originally Posted By: LostPhil
My accomplishments that I have told you have only scratched the surface. All of the talent I have comes from God.
Originally Posted By: LostPhil
By the way Mark Twain was an atheist. I wouldn't read his words if they were on toliet paper.
Originally Posted By: LostPhil
I went into a black bar the other day. Scared the Bejesus out of them all.
Originally Posted By: LostPhil
I can go in front of a crowd and do whatever. Play guitar, makes jokes, do a presentation, or act like a goof. I was the life of any party. I make people laugh all the time.
You are right we should shelter our children from this so when something screwed up in their life happens they will lock themselves in a room and eat stale pizza and drink themselves crazy.
The difficult part is over for the kids. When she was still at home the frustration on my part caused a lot of arguements that our children had to be part of. I know my son went through hell with me. I'm not looking for loyalty either. He is wise enough to know what and where he wants to be.
I don't badmouth their mother either, and I certainly didn't plant information in him to tell her to come home.
I think he is saying to her. Mommy if you want to be with me than come home.
Don't put intelligence and maturity in front of the children. If anything it will rob them of their innoncence. That is the sad part. But hey lets not sugar coat this. I asked him a simple probing question. Why don't you want to be with your mother. She is boring. Do you want mommy to come home. Yes, but she just says OK in a mean way. It may not be the proper thing to do with letting the kids process the information, but it's better than confusion. When they get older they would know the answers of the split up. It's like sheltering your kid from death. Don't take them to funeral homes, and don't explain to them what is going on or why such and such isn't around anymore. I know kids that grow up to be adults and can't even step foot into a funeral home. My wife is one of them. Now my mother on the other hand always let me process at funeral homes. I now embrace death. Death is for the living.
We are in a form of purgatory here on earth. This confusion with my spouse is my cross to carry right now. I'm not blaming her, and I'm not taking all the blame. We were both wrong and we both got to this spot. I however was willing to accept that she wasn't and she left.
You know it's just funny because of all the fighting about her leaving and me begging her to stay and work things out. My son said he was going with mommy.
You still didn't say anything. You keep asking yourself the same questions. Why is lostPHil here. Why do you need to know why I am here. Maybe I'm telling you that your ideas of interacting with people that are hurting are not correct. 2x4's... What light do I need to see. Run Forrest Run....
"Are you here to journal with no interaction?" No, I really like the debatting. I think it saved my life. Didn't I freaking say I wanted to put a bullet in my head. I think the journaling with interaction saved my life. Yes I have you to thank. Phoenix, AmyC, Jack, Bworl, Ian, and dam it anybody else that posted. I'm just too lazy to look at all the names.
That's two letters Forrest. Now which piece of chocalate are you going to take. This comment was the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life. "And.. you really don't want me praying for you.. or your wife.. cause it never turns out the way I expect it to." Did you ever think that your praying isn't what you want, but what God wants for you? I didn't ask what you expected from your prayer.
I'm asking you to pray for my family. I'm asking you to pray for my reconcilation of marriage. I'm asking you that you pray that my wife grows up.
Forrest, really if I'm so frustrating then why do you keep returning. I'm such a great writer, I'm not. I'm funny, I'm beligerent, I don't take no crap, I'm passive aggressive, I'm a lot like you.
I was just proving that I don't have a self esteem problem. When you put it that way you make me feel like a cheap hooker doing tricks for penny candy.
You are right we should shelter our children from this so when something screwed up in their life happens they will lock themselves in a room and eat stale pizza and drink themselves crazy.
Yes, you face YOUR problem anyway you choose, whether it be Jack Daniels or WWII over the laundry, doesn't matter. There is no rationality for dragging a 6 yr old through it with you.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I'm not dragging him into this. He is in it. He is the one that said, Dad you don't look sad anymore. I'm telling you my son went through hell with me. It was unavoidable. But it taught me something about parenting. Yeslling doesn't work. When he is with me. I only have to tell him something once. I do not get any mouth from him, and we do stuff all the time.
Yeah WWII over stupid laundry. Now she went dark. She isn't talking to me again. That didn't help my sitch by telling her she couldn't do it here. It just pushed her futher away. At least in the evenings with the texting I felt like I was talking to my real wife and not the teenage girl she has become.
Now I'm just not going to do anything. I'm going to just be nice to her. I'm going to interact with her in a positive way.
Sorry if I hit a nerve about the pizza. You parent the way you want I'll parent the way I want. This isn't about parenting.
