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Originally Posted By: cat03
got that right \:\) it helps me tons emotionally, puts me in a different frame of mind


Sounds fun and nice.

Enjoy your mom's day, sounds like my family, eating is always central to any celebration!

Hugs,
AH

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Happy Mother's Day Cat!


~Happiness is for the brave...
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cat03 Offline OP
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thanks honey))))))))) hope you had a good one too

the wheel stops at 100 today.
Stbx came as usual, was all chipper and talked as he used to talk when he was happy in the old days, it send a little stab to my heart, I almost wished he'd be his moody self. He was decently dressed for a chance and sure enough ow's tag was on his car.
It isnt' a punch in the gut to see it, but nonetheless I remember all this "it isnt' between you and her" or "I could never will live her, I'd go crazy" etc, etc statements.
I guess the end result is the same, he isnt' here, I just feel like it was yet another lie he told me. How easily he is now in another R with no qualms. Ok, so it is a bit of jelousy that he has someone and I don't.

I am so SO SO SO glad that I won't get to see him every morning after September, little one will b at school, he'll have his own place. I prob would've had these feelings on an off all the while.

Something odd happened yesterday, I was leaving the movies with my brother and kids and wasn't thinking of this mess and I actually felt this wonderful happy feeling, true careless happy feeling... and as usual, my instinct when I feel like that is to share it with my H, but alas, no H. BUT, it made think, I dont' think I've had that pure feeling of happiness in a long time, even when he came back! all the time we did nice things, went out and stuff all I could think of is "hope this is making him happy" or "I bet this makes him glad he is back", all my thoughts were centered about him and how I'd hope whatever we were doing would make him feel good.

I want that true happiness feeling again, if not with someone who shares it back (stbx never seemed truly happy no matter what we did, he'd just nod or not say anything) then with my kids and I, it felt so good.

I prob made no sense, lol, but just wanted to get that out in writing ;\)


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

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makes perfect sense to me. absolutely does.

stay strong. you sound good, actually, and love that the feeling hit you yesterday. you will get there again.


M-41
H-38
M-10 years, T-14 years
Bomb-PA 3/19/07
Separated-6/7/07
Piecing/h back home 5/08
S-6
S-4
D-4

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"

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Quote:
I want that true happiness feeling again, if not with someone who shares it back (stbx never seemed truly happy no matter what we did, he'd just nod or not say anything) then with my kids and I, it felt so good.


\:\) Love that warm happy feeling.

I know you will have more to come lovey.


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cat03 Offline OP
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thanks gals ))))))))

the wheel is in abit of rut, perhaps 100 today, old feelings are trying to claw their way (can't believe this is happening, paying him off makes our separation permanent, he has/has not ow's tag on his car, etc etc) useless stuff, to which I know the answers to, but which come to me... when I'm happy. Isn't that crazy? when normalcy and those happy feelings come to me the default switch on my brain associates them to the last time (early 2005 before he left) that I felt that way when I was with him.

Grrrrrrrr, have to work on that, well, I just return the book on D support I had, I didnt' finish it, I think it is time to get another one to fend off the gremlins.

Stbx is home shopping, the refinancing is set for this friday. Mediator will email me revised version and H said he'll take it to his L, *groan* I thought we were just going to agree on it ourselves, great, so hopefully he won't come up with more stuff, I told him I will not do the refinancing until we sign off on the SA by Thursday.

On a lighter note, zumba day was moved to today (meeting old friends for lunch oin thursday). The instructor made me come up the stage, man! I have to work double hard when I'm up there, wow mama! Her mom asked me if I was an instructor, she loves my dancing, and toldme there rec center by my area has zumba and I were to be the instructor she'd go there lol! and for a sec I thought, maybe I can become certified and ... maybe, just maybe, teach a class at night, I dont' know, I love to dance but I wonder how good I'd be, I don't want to be a sucky teacher :P

Anyways, happy week all)))))))


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

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Cat,
Just scratching thru....You sound as though your are keeping things in proper perspective. All the mediators and lawyers doing the job that usually takes two people must be annoying but hang in there. Stand firm and stand tall! ZUMBA ,ZUMBA DO! peace

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hey friend))))))))))))))))


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Joined: Sep 2005
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the wheel stops at "bankrupt" today, bleah.

Stbx approved the SA, we'll sign off tomorrow, next day I refinance home and pay him off, so at least that's a good thing.

S9 still doesnt' understand about D, asking me if we'll go camping together, I try to tell him again that we can't do things together anymore, he asks me why dad and me can't get along.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, damn it, it took all my might not to burst out crying, and I said what I wasn't supposed to say, but damn it, I'm not going to let my son grow up thinking I didnt' try hard to keep us together. I told him that it wasnt' my choice, that I didnt' want things to happen this way, that his dad wants to llive apart (a while ago I also chalked it up to depression when we had a similar talk) I told him we still would have fun and were still a family, his sister him and me, that we had good times... and that's when my voice broke and I turned away, he asked me if I was crying, I didnt' respond until I felt better, I just changed the subject. Ok, so I shouldn't teach him to repress his feelings, but I didnt' trust myself, I was afraid I was going to sob hard.

Stbx talked to me today about taxes, trip with s9, etc etc. After he hanged up out of the blue I remembered the Vday fiasco, my impromptu dinner and his cruise with ow, how all the while he'd tell me he was barely talking to her when they were pretty much living together... and I wanted to sob. Ok, it is rock bottom time I guess, time to let out all the emotions out of me. Felt angry enough to go home and burn whatever valuable crap he has left.

Trying hard to count my blessings, the picts from the China earthquake reminded me of the greater suffering going on there, the pict of the mom looking through children's corpses trying to find her child got to me the most, God give those poor people solace and strenght.

Welcome to my pity party, have some cheese.




Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

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Cat
You are so right, we do get wrapped up in our probs at times, and for good reason, but when you see people who are suffering like the people in China and the country w/ the cyclone ( sorry can not recall the name) It makes you take pause.

Everyone will get through this, after all, having the support and love of our children and friends/family, is a HUGE comfort

Have a great rest of your week!


Be Happy for this Moment,
This Moment is your Life


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