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I've been on the Newcomer's forum, my thread was "Husband's Midlife Crisis" I'll try to fill you in on what has happened. My H told me 9/6/07 that he wanted a divorce. I had no ideal that anything was wrong except that he had been distant to me over the last couple of months. I discovered he met OW on a scuba diving trip the end of June, they started emailing, texting & phone. H quit is excellent job in Nashville & move to Austin, TX to be with her 3/5/08, this is the longest they have ever been together. I'm so devastated, we were so much in love at one time. He adored me as much as I adored him but he is 48 years old & I believe is going through MLC. H won't admit it.

I don't believe it will work with OW but I don't know how long it is going to last.
H was the love of my life & I am having a hard time giving him up plus I realize it is a MLC & hope I could forgive him. He is or was such a good, kind & caring person but has seemed to change over night. H was so mean & cruel to me, not abusive but hateful & very hurtful saying he just wants to be away from me & he doesn't love me anymore. He did tell me that he didn't know what love was until he met me. I cannot imagine my life without him.
We went thru mediation 3/3/08 & settled. From what I understand my husband was not happy with the settlement. I got the house & 3 years of alimony, he said I drained him. H also had to pay all lawyer's fees including the mediator. Total for just that day was over 9000.00.

4/8/08 the divorce is final. Hopefully one day he will come out of his fog & realize what he has done.

H moved things out of house 4/11 & 4/12/08, it was hard but I made it. We were cordial to each other.

I got an email from OW on 4/14/08, here is what it says:

I just want so say thank you.....for the most beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, and loving man I've ever known in my life. I am truly blessed beyond my dreams.

(And of course, for not suing me - that was so generous of you!)

Life goes on...I wish you all of the good stuff...love and happiness and freedom from anything that does not lead you there.

I am happy it is all over and I am sure you are too.

Finally we call all B-R-E-A-T-H-E.!

Take care,

Debbie

Can you believe this????????? I called H & left him a message on his cell phone, here is what I said: I don't know if you are aware of this or not or have any knowledge of this but I think it is in very poor taste for your woman friend to email me THANKING me for giving you to her when I didn't, in reality she stole you from me. That is totally without class for her to do this. I would appreciate you telling her NEVER to contact me again. We left it on a decent note. It is not even appropriate for her to contact me, there is not any reason for her to contact me this is between you & me not her.

Then I hung up! I'm was so mad!!!! I stayed pretty calm when I left that message but I'm sure he could tell in my voice that I was mad. The nerve of that woman!!! I'm pretty sure H didn't condone this, he wouldn't.

So, there is my story & I'm just having some hard times right now. I do hope he will come out of the fog, I keep hoping he will call.

I'm sorry this is so long, I tried to shorten. I guess I'm just wanting to see what everyone thinks & if there is a chance he might come out of his fog.

Thank you!

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I'm so sorry that you're in this much pain.

I am in somewhat the same sitch except my D isn't final yet. I too am hoping that H pulls his head out of his ass, but I'm thinking of myself first right now.

I know how a lot of people say how hard it is to be abandoned when they have kids, but to me, I think it's worse in a lot of ways when you are alone, with no kids. It's just......empty. And nobody seems to understand those of us who are childless and going through a D.

It isn't any easier, believe me!

Last edited by Kimmie Lee; 05/04/08 10:41 PM.
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I'm sorry you are going thru this too!!! Thank you for responding to me! I'm trying to think of myself too. I did go get a manicure & pedicure, it was great!! But I still can't help but think about him. Being spring, we worked in the yard together & set out tomatoes & flowers & just enjoyed being together. It's lonesome doing all that by myself now.

I think you are right, at least people with kids have someone there with them. I know it is hard on the kids too & they have to deal with the emotions of the kids. I have a step-S who is 21 now but when his Dad & I met he was 2 years old, we married when he was 5, I know it was hard on him but you are so right, it is very empty. My step-S told my H's SIL that he knows his dad is going thru MLC & he also said that his Dad doesn't even know this OW only via email & phone. So, he knows his Dad isn't doing right.

I at least have my dogs but one is almost 13 & is having some kidney failure, I just can't loose her right now. They have helped me a lot but I still dream about H & keep hoping that since H has moved in with OW that it might be the beginning of the end of the R, I sure hope so anyway. We were so much in love, I still can't believe this has happened!! And with her sending me the "thank you" for my H email that just shows what kind of person she really is, he doesn't like woman like her & especially someone that has slept with every Tom, Dick & Harry & who would run after a married man. He can't see that right now but I believe he will.

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Wow! OW sounds like a real piece of work. So is my H's OW. She actually showed up at his spousal maintenance hearing. Did she think this was a hot date or something? I'm sure the judge was not impressed by these two stupid arrogant a-holes sitting there in the courtroom.

Keep pampering yourself. That's what I do. I got a great haircut and a leg wax yesterday.

I also have a doggie who's getting on in years and am thinking of getting another one. Not sure about that yet because I may want to go off and have an adventure on my own. H and I traveled a lot together and it will be hard, but I have to make that hurdle.

I know this is awful for you, I'm still pretty sad too. I am also still in some denial and think he may come back someday. I know that is unrealistic because he has really, really moved on and bought a new home with OW. We're not even divorced yet!

The only thing that could possibly make a difference is that the financial strain may get to them and cause problems. On the other hand, they view me as the enemy and are probably huddled together against this storm(me). Nothing like adversity to bond two wildly in love people together.

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WOW! I can't believe your H's OW would have to nerve to show up at the hearing!! It sounds like both OW are out there!!!

I think I'm in denial b/c I do think he may come back one day. He seems to have moved on b/c he did get another job in another state, but I found out they are only renting a house. He is a good man & doesn't like women like her, he tried to talk a friend of ours out of marrying a woman who had been married 3 times, she is not nearly as bad as the one he is with now. I don't believe this R will last very long but he is mad at me b/c I got alimony & the house, so he does view me as the ememy also right now. I hope one day he will realize what he has lost.

I too believe the financial strain will get to him. I kept him out of bankruptcy when we first met & married. I'm the only reason he has IRA's etc. He is a spender & I know he thinks this OW has money & I don't believe she does, if she did she has spent it already. She stayed off work 2 years & spent her alimony or whatever she got from her other husbands. She has had to go back to work (2 jobs for a while) & she was living in an apartment, that doesn't sound like someone with money. Also she tried real estate but has had to get an office job. I know my H has spent lots of money & he is using his credit cards a lot & not paying them off at the end of each month. I always paid them off & kept us out of debt. He is going to get into major trouble financially & I know he is making about what he made at his job here but cost of living is higher there.

He had everything here, I can't believe he would go with a slut that would run after a married man. She has obviously done this before. What happened to "until death do us part".

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So, if he showed up at your door begging to come back, you'd welcome him with open arms? I think you need the time to work your head around all this and become comfortable on your own. Sluts don't get to married men unless the married man wants to go. You can't put the blame on her...he went willingly. I must admit though...that was the tackiest thing I've ever heard an OW do. I'd have said, "you're welcome to him. Hope you have better luck keeping him away from sluts than I did." I probably wouldn't have written that, but it still would have been fun.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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OW do all sorts of tacky things.

But yeah, what does that say about our H's? It's pretty tacky to just walk out on someone who loves you.

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Originally Posted By: nlt
He had everything here, I can't believe he would go with a slut that would run after a married man. She has obviously done this before. What happened to "until death do us part".


nlt,

That is one aspect I STILL do not grasp.... What sane person thinks they can have a healthy, committed R with someone who pursues and/or dates someone who is married? What makes them think WHEN (NOT IF) they become tired of their R/M, they will not chase after someone else? Is that NOT just a matter of time?

NMD


"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
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I think I would have responded to OW with something like....

"Boy are you living in a fantasy. Just wait... Truly I'm the one that needs to thank you for taking that abusive loser off my hands."


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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Thank you all for responding!! I know what you mean. My H had a good head on his shoulders at one time. I guess the MLC hit him hard. You are all right & I think it is just a matter of time before OW will be going after some other sucker!

I'm pretty laid back & I don't get into doing exciting things & that is what he wanted & I guess she is more exciting than I am but you know he knew how I was when we got married. MLC!!!!

I do need time to work things out in my head. I'm not sure right now I would take him back with open arms, I guess it would depend on how he came back & things he said & did. It would be hard but I guess I would like the opportunity. I miss him so bad. Our oldest dog has been sick & I took her to a holistic vet, she is better & I so wanted to call him & let him know. But I didn't!!!

I sent him his half of the income tax refund, I put a little note in there & said "Hope you are doing well" that is all I said. He may be mad b/c I sent it Restricted Delivery, that means only he can sign for it & will have to show ID, it cost me more but you know I don't trust OW. I don't imagine he has gotten it yet.

Thank you all again for your support!!!

(((HUGS)))

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