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Kin,

I think you put yourself in her shoes, but with your own feelings. You say, "it's just a phase she'll grow out of" and she's been brainwashed. And that you couldn't be around each other without there being attraction for each other. Maybe for you there would still be attraction, but we don't know what she feels. And maybe her religion is more important to her than you are. I wouldn't understate the importance that religion has for some people. From her perspective, you could be like a drug dealer that keeps trying to get her rehooked on drugs that she gave up and wants no part of.

It's been 5 months since she talked to you. Do you avoid calling because if you don't, you can maintain the feeling that she still feels something for you, and a call has the potential to smash this illusion? You have more to gain from closure (your freedom, your life moving forward, ? chance of reconnecting?) than by waiting 2,3,4 years for something that may never happen.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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Good points JM. Yes, the drug dealer thing is exactly how I think she feels at this point.

The main reason I'm avoiding calling is most everyone has advised me to not call, "leave her alone." Someone said, "she can't pursue you if you're still pursuing her." So that's the main reason. I still have hope and I want to do every single thing to make the hope a possibility.

Another reason is, I got no response from a text message in early Feb. I got no response from a card sent in early March. I got no card/text/gift on my birthday in late March. I wouldn't be surprised if I called her, that she would not return the call, answer the phone (she has caller ID on cell & house phones) or anything - she will probably just ignore it.

But I'm willing to try if you think I should. I realize sometimes the ones who leave don't really know what they want and she might actually be happy that I call. Or maybe she's ready to "be friends". Or I guess if I get the cold shoulder, I'll know she's "through" and I can move on. Actually that's where I am now. By her actions (inaction) I'm assuming she's "through." Don't you agree? Why should I even call her?

By the way, I will not wait 2 years. I am not waiting now. If someone else came along, I'd go for it. If I knew she just needed more time, I'd wait - maybe 2 or 3 more months at the most.

Regarding the "illusion" - I don't know anything for sure. But in the past, when we've broken up, she has told me that it was very difficult, she was miserable, etc. I honestly think (not being cocky) she still loves me & cares for me and will NOT (like the ex-druggie) let herself call me to reconcile - "because God doesn't want it" - that's what she said in Nov. (She thinks our inability to get along was God intervening to let us know it's wrong.) And if she's "happy" without me, then I suppose that's the best thing for everyone.

Thanks for helping.

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I forgot - does anyone else have an opinion on this?

Do I call, not call, text, send a card, leave her alone?

Thanks.

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I thought of something else. I have a sense that I need to send one more apology letter. I have sent many in the past 2 years. The last one was Thanksgiving. Also a "text" apology in Dec.

The reason I'm thinking I need to do this is because I read (in the past 2 days) all the cards and letters she gave me. For the first time, I am seeing how much she loved me and how foolish and selfish I was. It's like I'm reading these for the first time. "I was blind but now I see." Time after time I acted selfish, needy, demanding, etc. I did not appreciate what she had to offer and was always demanding (or asking) for more. I see now what a fool I was.

What does anyone think of sending one, "last", apology letter stating the above and asking forgiveness and expressing an interest in establishing a friendship (whenever she's ready)?

Thanks. K

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Ok everyone: please vote for one.

1. Call her.
2. Send another card.
3. Send another (the last) apology letter.
4. Leave her alone & "wait" for her to initiate contact.

Thanks for helping. I'm really torn. K

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You're not getting much input from anyone besides me. I'll give my vote and see if anyone else chimes in.

1. Call her: I'd vote this if this will in some way give you closure...either know she's truly done or explore if there is still hope for a relationship.

2. Send another card: Just impersonal pursuing.

3. Send another apology letter: Pursuing.

4. Leave her alone: This is okay also. She's received apology letters and cards, the next move should be hers. I only suggested #1 as a way to come out of the dark. If that doesn't work out...you might have an idea where you stand and it may help you in efforts to move forward.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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I have to agree. Either wait or call her and get an answer one way or the other.

No pursuing.


Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
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Thanks to both of you. I'm so scared to call but I may do it. I have to get my nerve up first. I hate rejection and I'm so scared she'll ignore the call & refuse to call me back. But I am ready for some closure - one way or the other. Pray for me!

K

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Anyone? Please see the above three posts and place your vote! Help! I need more votes. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to "mess things up." Thanks so much! K

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Hi K,

Sorry I haven't been around much for the last week.

I'd say if you aren't able to do action number 4 anymore.. if you're just itching to have a verdict or not sit in limbo anymore than I think action item number 1 is the route to go. You have already sent a card... you've told her that you're sorry...

It's going to take a lot of guts!! I wish you courage by the bucket full!

W2G


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