I have been busy with work. Need to do my taxes today and get ready for my H coming over tomorrow to pick up our dog. Not sure of tomorrow's agenda with him. I hope he wants to do something fun or even attend Church with me. He used to so enjoy going to Church together.
I have been plagued by many negative thoughts and 1 dream of what my H is up to. Been doing my best to counter them with positive thoughts and praying. Been asking God to cast Satan out of our M situation, and reminding myself of the positive intteractions I have seen. It sure requires effort to stay positive, but worthwhile as the alternative only leads us down to what we don't want.
PH I know being Positive is the solution to everything glad to hear lump is benign and thanks for all your support Joel is on TV everywhere in the world Sunday he is probably on locally in your area let me know I know you will absolutely love him peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, Believe it or not, I don't have TV. My TV doesn't work without cable and since I cancelled cable after the S, I don't have access to TV at all. It doesn't seem worthwhile to me to get TV because I don't watch it much at all. Seems a waste to pay $45 for watch 2 movies a month! You're the 2nd person in 24 hours to suggest watching TV to me. Interesting. Maybe it's time to get cable again, so when my H visits, he/we can watch something.
Some things I learned from April 10th Charlyne Cares: She reminded us that Satan is speaking lies to our spouses every day, and to: 1) Pray that our spouse will realize that they have been deceived and are in a trap. She also reminded us that Jesus Christ has the only answers for us and for the healing and restoration of our marriages. 2) Ask the Holy Spirit to start convicting our spouse of their lies.
I learned the following from April 11th Charlyne Cares: 1) Pray that I will allow the Holy Spirit to show me how He sees my marriage, my H and my circumstances because it is totally different from how I see these now 2) Charlyne's prayer brought tears to my eyes - I changed it for my situation - "Lord, open my eyes to see Your plan and future for <my H> and my marriage. I pray you open <my H's> eyes to see the truth and cease listening to the enemy's lies. Nothing is too hard for You to do. Lord, help me keep my eyes on You instead of on my circumstances. Increase my faith, hope and trust in You daily. In the mighty Name of Jesus, Amen."
Well, my H finally called at 12:45pm, and didn't even know anything about lunch or dinner with me. I asked if he wanted to do dinner, he said he wasn't planning on it. I asked if he read my email about it. He said he mustn't have finished reading my email and that it'd been a very busy week for him.
I told him the email talked understanding it's too rushed for him to pick up our dog after swimming - but it turns out he chose Sunday because he's busy tomorrow night - going to a concert. Not sure if he's going alone.
Then I said "I'll keep my emails short then". He again explained that it's just been a very busy week. Not sure why he had to explain that - maybe he does want to hear from me.
He also said he's out of town this weekend with his family. It's tough working with so little knowledge of what's going on in his life. All this while, I thought he was planning on stopping by for lunch or dinner, and was going to call me last minute to confirm....
Anyway, so be it. Nothing I can do about it. Back to trusting God and letting Him take care of it. It's tough, for sure.
peace: At lunch time today, after talking to my H, I felt awful and almost called a friend but then I remembered what someone posted on someone's thread - friends run away from needy people.
I know some people who would be more than happy to listen. However, I decided to be still and ended up doing housework - out of obedience to God. It was strange. It really felt like God spoke to me - to trust Him and get on with my life, even though I did NOT feel like doing it, the chores, etc.
A bit more about today's interaction with my H: Today, he called at about 1pm asking if it was ok for him to drop by at 7:30pm. I was shocked. The conversation... Me: Are you doing dinner with me? H: Wasn't planning on it. Me: I mentioned <dog's swimming on Mon and lunch/dinner today>.... in my email. H: I mustn't have finished reading your email. Me: Don't you read my emails? H: It has been a really busy week. Is 7:30pm OK? Me: Can't you come earlier? H: I am out of state with <his parents>. Me: I didn't know you're out of town. Yes, that's fine. I will try to keep my emails short then. H: It really was a very busy week for me. Me: I understand. That's OK. <Dog >actually has swimming on Monday and I know it's too rushed for you to pick her up then. H: Actually I couldn't have made it on Monday because I am going to a concert...
I was upset because he didn't invite me to the concert and I was worried if he was going with OW... But I prayed, did chores and cooking, even though I would much rather have just cried in bed.
Anyway at about 4:30pm, my H called and said he got back earlier than planned. He must have felt bad. But God worked in my H!
He came over and we chatted. He also asked if I was happy at work and about the layoff rumors... And he found out that I omitted something vital in my tax return. So he very kindly helped me figure out the numbers for the item... Very kind of him.
I asked him if the concert tickets were free and he said yes. Then I asked if a group from work was going, and he said, Actually he was going with the lady (who works for him) and her 2 daughters. Then I asked if she was still married. He said "Yes, but it's not a happy marriage". I still feel hurt though that he didn't invite me.
Then we walked our dog and ate at home. I had cooked something for him and something else for me.
Then we were intimate. He kept saying he hoped I have a good trip.
Peace, Yes, I am concerned and am praying for God to keep him protected from her. It seems as if he still loves me otherwise he would not be interested in being intimate, I think. He's said the same thing about her marriage every time I have asked in the past (well before the S). ANd I know he definitely wasn't interested in her or anyone before and after the separation.
He told me he had a hard time yesterday when away with his parents because alot of the things/places they saw reminded him of the time we went there together. We had a really good time there so he's haunted by pleasant memories no matter where he goes.
I just find it hard wondering why he hasn't started working on his issues and when he would do so. I am praying that God leads him to something that will help him heal himself and eliminate his anger. It may even involve me saying something to him. I don't know - I will be still and let God guide me.
Yesterday, while we were intimate, I said, out of the blue, "We should do this evry night" and he laughed. He was in a good mood. Afterwards, he tends to be in a hurry to leave, almost as if he's afraid it'd hurt more if he stayed any longer or that he wouldn't be able to tear himself away.
It doesn't seem worthwhile to me to get TV because I don't watch it much at all. Seems a waste to pay $45 for watch 2 movies a month! You're the 2nd person in 24 hours to suggest watching TV to me. Interesting. Maybe it's time to get cable again, so when my H visits, he/we can watch something.