Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Thanks WTG.

Yes, most of my friends are married. I have some good friends though. My best friend is an ex but we do a lot of things together (no chance of reconciliation). We're "just friends." I do need some new friends and hopefully, ones who are single. Even better, gay.

I appreciate all your wonderful help. This is so frustrating to love someone with all your heart and they don't feel the same.

If I "knew" she wasn't coming back to me, I guess I would go ahead and find someone else to date (so difficult to do). Like my shrink says, "find a replacement" and thoughts of her will fade. I hope he's right and I hope I can find someone.

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Just "journaling." Had a great, "up" weekend. I realize there will be a day or two down the road that will go back "down" but for now, I feel good. I am analyzing the heck out of my life and what I want to do, where I want to live, what kind of people I want to hang out with, etc. I have some great friends and I'm very blessed with almost every aspect of my life but I really need something new in my life. Not sure what.

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,406
W
W2G Offline
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,406
K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a wonderful post! I am so pleased for you that you had a good weekend.. and that you are feeling good!!!!

Your post sounded much different then the ones I remember from you before... it really made me smile to read it!!

Hugs,
W2G


Me 34/H 32
D 3

Previous Thread
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,302
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,302
Hi K,

Haven't checked in for a bit - but you sound great!!! Glad to hear it. Hooray for good weekends.

What "something new" do you think you might like in your life? Other than a GF since you don't really have a lot of control over that (nevermind the fact that building an R takes time). Anything you've always wanted to do but thought "Nah that's crazy"?? \:\)


Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7
Bomb 1 10/07/06
Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15
Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07
Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate
2/08 slowly improving
7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!)
Current thread
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Hey W2G - thanks for dropping in. Looks like you're doing great. Your husband's ordeal sounds terribly painful. I'm sorry for him. Good luck to you regarding the "relationship."

Hey Nik - thanks for dropping in to you, too. Hope you're doing great. Yeah, I've decided to find someone who actually WANTS a wonderful, loving person in their life. To heck with "whats-her-name."

Something new I guess refers to moving away somewhere. I still live in the same town where I grew up, have the same childhood friends and I just dream about starting over somewhere else. But, on the other hand, I'm actually becoming more comfortable with my house and my "old" friends than I've been in a long time. I can't seem to make up my mind. One day it's one thing, the next day, another.

For now, I'm concentrating on finishing grad school, losing weight, working on myself and fixing up my house. Whether I live in it or sell it, it needs some work so I'm going to spend some time and money on it this spring & summer.

It's good to hear from you ladies. Good luck to you and your families.

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Advice please - Here's the short version:

Haven't seen her in 6 months.
Haven't spoken with her in 5 months.
Haven't communicated via text in 2 months.
Sent a card 6 weeks ago (no response).
No acknowledgement of my birthday 3 weeks ago.

Question - Should I send another card to "test the waters"? If so, when? Or should I assume she's not interested and leave her alone. Thanks!

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,302
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,302
Hey K - hate to say it but I think just leave her alone. She knows where to find you if she's interested. And she can't pursue you if you're already chasing her. \:\)


Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7
Bomb 1 10/07/06
Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15
Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07
Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate
2/08 slowly improving
7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!)
Current thread
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Thanks Nik. Yes, I think you're probably right. It hurts like heck but I guess I have no choice.

Does anyone else have an opinion?

Is there ANYTHING I can do or should do?

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,958
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,958
Maybe you just need closure.

Maybe you should just call her up, say, "I just wanted to touch base with you and see how you're doing." And take it from there...maybe if it's going well, see if she wants to get a coffee and catch up. If it goes poorly, then just let go. Maybe say, "it's been really nice knowing you. I'm glad we had the time together that we had."

One thing that's a little different with your situation is the gender situation. It wouldn't be such a problem, except your girlfriend is unsure of her sexual orientation. When I put myself in her shoes: If I had a gay relationship, but then decided it wasn't right for me...or maybe that I felt I wasn't gay....I wouldn't want to be pursued by my former lover. But, maybe you can lay the groundwork to be friends, if nothing else, and never be "girlfriends" in that way again. Would you be good with that....just friends?


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
Thanks JM, you make me feel better. I'm afraid to call though. If she doesn't answer or is negative, I'll feel worse. That's why I've always done the "card thing." One way communication with the hope that she will call or something. Do you really think I should call or maybe send a card or a text?

Yes, I do need closure. If she would sit down and talk with me and tell me she's happy and going "straight", and has no desire to be with me anymore, etc., I would feel much better about everything. I could definitely close this door. Or, if she said she's still thinking through the situation, I could hang on a little longer. I just don't know which to choose. Of course, she told me the last time we talked she didn't want any further communication with me and "our paths are not the same - as lovers or friends." Whatever that means.

I see your point with the sex. orient. confusion. This is just a "phase". She's been "gay" her whole life. She's just been brainwashed with the religious stuff. At least, that's how I see it. I told her about a year ago when she was expressing concern with all this that she'd change her mind and decide to be happy and content with her sexuality when she is older (she's only 38). I expect her to definitely call in 2, 3, 4 years. Of course, I may not be available.

On the other hand, yes, I suppose if I was trying to give it up, I'd run the other way. But I would never make that decision so it's hard to empathize.

Regarding being "just friends", we had/have such a Passionate connection, I really don't think we could be around each other without being attracted to each other. Which is possibly why she's avoiding me. But, yes, I would really love to just be "friends" with her if that's all I could have. I sincerely do miss her friendship.

Thanks for your input.

Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard