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I had seen this post before but it sure helped being reminded of it.


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
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cat03 Offline OP
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delux))))))))))) a sight for sore eyes)))))) never read that post but wow, it's amazing and so true! I know H made himself the super-H with a b*tch of a W so ow could be in awe of him.

Everytime I found out about him and ow he always convinced I was the crazy exW going after him, even if I would've proved to ow back in xmas about us still being in a M that still wouldn't have changed the fact that he had no earthly idea what he wanted and that our M and me were not a priority, that's just the sad truth, need to stop beating myself up for not pushing the truth to ow that month I went to her house and he jumped out of the balcony.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
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>>For some reason I can' shake a statement H told me last friday among a flurry of txts, he said "you are too rough, which may be fine for others but not me"<<

When my husband was divorcing me one thing he complained about was how I was "too emotional." I remember talking with a guy who I thought I might like to date after the divorce was over and when I told him this he mentioned, in a kind of offhanded way that he tends to be attracted to emotional women.

This made me realize something. I am who I am and it's not fair to try and box me into something else I'm not. And, when it comes down to it I would want someone to love me for exactly who I am. All of the good, the bad and the ugly....

Even though the reality is, I may be more emotional than some women, but there's an awful lot of women much more emotional than me. You may be more assertive and what he calls "rough" than some women, but I'm certain he's exaggerating as well.

In other words, from now on don't take anything he says personally and don't ever feel you are to blame, or this is in any way your fault....or if you were different it would have changed anything (when I used to "reinvent" myself H would just find other things to complain about...). It's just the way it is and you no longer have the stress and strain of tyring to make someone unhappy happy.

In the long run that's going to be huge relief.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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Quote:
"reinvent" myself H would just find other things to complain about...


hey sweets)))))))))))) thanks so much for putting into words another one of those things that bothered me but didnt' know what it was. SO TRUE!! if I got better here then he'd find something else to complain there.

I told him that much, last time we talked R (and I believe that might be the last time for good, I have no desire to bring up stuff about a dead and diseased R anymore) that I accepted him with ALL his issues, but it seemed he was unable/unwilling to take ANY of my issues, whatever they might be. Guess at the time the helplessness and damsel in distress mode of ow was more appealing to his weak and spineless soul.

Good riddance again, I prob should've started running MUCH sooner.

Little by little and learning to stop caring if he's come from ow or not, just figured out 2 very hurtful lies he told me right before the crap hit the fan on February, and was going to bring them up to him somehow (snide remark/jab)
Then I realized... to what end??? so I can be called bitter again? accused of not letting him go? of being vindictive and/or seemed like I havent' gotten peace and still holding out for him?

Hell no, I'm not, it'd take pleanty of 180s and more for me to even think about him with me again, and not that it will happen in a million years, but that truly I see him as what he is: a spineless selfish narcisist person totally uncapable of caring for anyone else, adverse to the truth and facing the concecuences.
From someone who cried bitterly after finding out ow was a paid for sex/xrated picts slut, sounding so disgusted at even giving her a foothold and lo and behold a month later has her parking permit back on his car?
I want NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING with him, not a bone of integrity or courage in him.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
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I have peace in my heart, at last.
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Quote:
Good riddance again, I prob should've started running MUCH sooner.


Don't kick yourself--you knew you had to give it everything for your own peace of mind. I'm glad you're able to start letting the hurts go without comment...the less you dwell on them, the happier you will be. And you DESERVE!!!!! to be happy.

:mwah:


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cat03 Offline OP
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smooches back hon))))))))))) thanks babe, it's always nice to see you gals \:\)

Wow! I forgot to post that my beautiful family came over yesterday, my sister's husbands, dad, bro and w and babies and they gave my front yard a make over, I mean, wow! the place was looking as if there hadn't been a man for 2yrs (actually there wasnt! lol, only 4nowH) They cleaned every corner, took down 2 huge bushes/trees. For dirt cheap at craigslist.com I got a chandelier and another pretty fixture for my kitchen/dinning area and they put it up for me, the place looks so much brighter and big now. Even 4nowH was amazed at the changes.

More changes to come, I'll be in a fairly tight spot $$ for the next 5yrs as I buy out 4nowH, but I will make little changes here and there and make that place my own \:\)


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
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Wow!!! That sounds nice Cat. I like that you are making the place your own. I always figured if my divorce went through I might paint the master bathroom pink and make the master a feminie boudoir!!!! Something that would make me feel real girly (and sexy!).

Yeah, the realtionship talk gets old. At some point you just want to live and totally love yourself. Why not?


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Cat,
You should NOT have run sooner. This was the process YOU needed to go through to get to this point. For whatever reason, you did not run sooner. So here you are... reaching acceptance.

Your H is very lost and deeply disturbed. And the only thing you can do is follow through with this D. Cut him loose as much as you can. Move on with your life and let him go completely. Maybe one day, he can come back from this and make himself whole again. But that time is not now.

Don't let his words hurt you. Maintain your own confidence. Remember that you are a wonderful, warm woman who is human. Nagging, no sex, blah, blah. Join the club. Did you contribute to your M going down hill? Sure. We all did. But you're human, as we all are. And you worked you @ss off to make things right. You were/are an amazing wife.

This D will be cathartic for you. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, you will have a range of emotions -- good and bad. But when all is said and done, you will build a wonderful life for yourself after the D. And maybe one day, your H will wake up. But don't wait for that. By the time that happens, some other handsome dude will probably snatch you up. You're young, beautiful (though I have never seen what you look like, I can only assume you're beautiful because your personality is beautiful).

Anyway, you're doing great.


Married 9 years
Kids 5 and 6
Bomb 2006
H back and forth for a year
M now back on track
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cat03 Offline OP
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awww, you are making me blush, lol, I am easy on the eyes if I say so myself, ha ha

Nope, I am in no ways waiting on him in any ways, he needs so much therapy, a huge change of heart and regain his soul for him to be in any R, and as you said, in a year or so I might start peering over at the other fishes in the sea \:\)


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
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cat03 Offline OP
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love this verse and devotional I got on my email:
Quote:
1 Peter 2:1-10
Rid yourselves, therefore, of all malice, and all guile, insincerity, envy, and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation--if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

“Provide for those who grieve…a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor” (Isaiah 61:3 NIV).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria Osteen

Do you need a new garment today? I'm not talking about a physical garment. I'm talking about what's covering your mind and emotions. Are you clothed with despair and disappointment? Are you wearing 'heaviness'? If you've gone through a hurtful situation, the Bible says there is a time to grieve, and it's important to release that hurt to the Lord. But the Bible also tells us that God wants to give you a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. You can put on a garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened spirit. What's holding you back today? Are the garments of yesterday weighing you down and holding you back? The garment of praise is light and filled with peace and joy. Don't carry those heavy burdens around anymore! Today is the day for new garments! Forgive those who have hurt you and begin to praise Him! Thank God for life today. Thank Him for the beautiful sunrise. Thank him for restoring you, even if you don't see it yet. And this verse says, you will be called an oak of righteousness, strong and secure, and you will display the splendor of the Lord all the days of your life!

A Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father, I come to You today and ask that You take off my old, heavy garments of despair and heaviness. Make me new today. Give me a garment of praise so that I can be a display of Your glory and splendor. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
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