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Hi all, My last thread locked....

Last edited by plentyhope; 03/27/08 04:26 PM.

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All, It's confusing alright. Every now and then, I get people telling me (with good intentions for me, I'm sure) that I need to move on with my life. It's tough not knowing what agenda my H has, how long he intends to keep this limbo going on, whether he really if confused or just hanging out until his own life is stable. By stable, I mean living without me.

I wonder why he emailed me yesterday - whether he's trying to reconnect or just being caring. I didn't get any response. Is that because he didn't like seeing the pictures or what?

I am planning on GALing tomorrow and Sat nights - ballroom and swing. Had 2 wonderful dance classes last night. Slowly getting better at my dancing. Phew!

I have been so tired lately mainly from not getting enough sleep - getting to bed late. I need to keep thinking thoughts of "I have more than enough time".


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ph, I get people asking me the same thing. I simply tell them that I'm not ready to move on. More specifically, I tell them that I'm not ready to look at anyone else. This usually shuts them up because you are not saying that you are holding out for something that THEY perceive to be unlikely or that you are in denial. You are simply saying that you are not ready.

I wouldn't consider dancing to be GAL. To me it would be more like torture. \:\) You have fun though.

I hear you on the lack of sleep thing.


M35 W37
S9 D6
M12 yrs Know 15 yrs
Bomb 1/28/07
My Sitch
Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
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ph
Its hard to figure out our H
why they respond or dont
maybe the pictures reminded him of a family no longer together?
and the choice was his, but we dont know
best to leave it and go on with your life..they have to figure it out on their own

I think most of my friends and even my therapist would love for me to move on and give up
most people do admire our stand
the kids benefit greatly by a standing parent too I believe
It gives LBS time to heal, grieve and forgive
others may admire our courage to face it all and grow from the opportunity of pain
but they still think finding a new R is the answer
our society is twisted
we as LBS in my opinion are in no shape to choose a healthy partner before we do this work and it takes so much time
I am grateful for the time to stand no matter the outcome
It is the best decision I ever made
I am happy for you
have fun dancing
I love it too
Im a beginner but getting a few more steps weekly
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
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Imageer,
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I get people asking me the same thing. I simply tell them that I'm not ready to move on. More specifically, I tell them that I'm not ready to look at anyone else. This usually shuts them up because you are not saying that you are holding out for something that THEY perceive to be unlikely or that you are in denial. You are simply saying that you are not ready
Thank you!! Excellent idea.
As for the dancing, it WAS fun... I was planning on going to a ball tonight but was way too tired after my various appointments today.


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Peace,
Quote:
Its hard to figure out our H
why they respond or dont
maybe the pictures reminded him of a family no longer together?
and the choice was his, but we dont know
best to leave it and go on with your life..they have to figure it out on their own
Yes, he was probably sad about the reminder.
Yesterday (Fri), I emailed him and said I took his advice to join my sister on a trip. I apologized for not inviting him to join me and my family on our trip, and explained I thought he'd not want to go with us. I asked him if he would like to watch our dog. He responded with a very cute email saying if it were him he wouldn't want to be at the kennel, and if I'd ask our dog whether she wanted to spend another week with him!!! We had a cute back-and-forth about our cute dog. He sure was in a very good mood. I think he was happy that I took his advice..., and that my family would welcome with him.
Quote:
I think most of my friends and even my therapist would love for me to move on and give up
most people do admire our stand
the kids benefit greatly by a standing parent too I believe
It gives LBS time to heal, grieve and forgiveothers may admire our courage to face it all and grow from the opportunity of pain
but they still think finding a new R is the answer
our society is twisted
we as LBS in my opinion are in no shape to choose a healthy partner before we do this work and it takes so much time
I am grateful for the time to stand no matter the outcome
It is the best decision I ever made
I whole-heartedly agree with you. I tell people that I am learning so much from this situation. I was talking to someone yesterday who thinks exactly that way- just go find a 3rd spouse and blaming the M breakdown on differences between spouses. Well, for one, men and women are SO different. If he acts on this belief, he will be forever going from 1 R to another. There will probably be no woman who would be have and think like a man would.... Or at least very very difficult to find anyway.


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My prayers for my H:
"That <my H> has true godly fear and obeys God's commandments."

"That <my H> understands the fear of the LORD and finds the knowledge of God.

"That <my H> listens to God; That God teaches <my H> the fear of the LORD. That <my H> keeps his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking lies. That <my H> turns from evil and do good; seeks peace and pursues it."


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Hi ph,
After reading all your helpful comments on my thread I finally got over to catch up on your sitch. Did you and your H dance with each other before the S? If you did, it really takes a great PMA to continue with it alone. (My H and I took Ballroom and Country Western dance lessons for many years. When I decided to work on GAL I signed up for Line dancing. It was unbearable at first to hear the words to some of those love songs to which we had danced as partners. I got through it by counting out loud to drown out the lyrics. Luckily all the songs were not about everlasting, undying love. Dancing to "Please Mr. Postman" cheered me up considerably.

You and your H seem to be on very friendly terms if you are even considering asking him to go on a vacation. Do you think it would be less stressful for him to skip the family reunion in Hawaii and instead find a cruise and an other type of getaway which he can choose between? As thanks for watching your dog you might suggest partially subsidizing the one he chooses. One caveat, you need a break so you'll be going also.

There are lots of wonderful prices on cruises that will be sailing in less than 90 days. The companies want to fill the ships so some of the discounts are upward of 70%.

Reading about your medical procedure and having to go it alone was so similar to something that happened to me a few weeks ago. It is certainly not an easy thing to go through without the person who had been your source of emotional support.

Hope your week goes well,
The one certain GPZS call ISH


Me: 59
H: 59
Together: 28 years
Married: 25 years in August
"There may be someone else" 12/26/07
H signed a one year lease 4/1/08
H moved out 5/11/08
H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08
Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
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ISH, Thanks for checking out my situation.
Quote:
Did you and your H dance with each other before the S?
Yes, we did ballroom together so it was difficult to do it on my own. It's funny - last Thanksgiving Day (when he dropped by), he started humming a Fox Trot song while caulking the windows. When I said it was 1 of my favorites, he went through the CDs, found the CD and played it. Before TG, he asked me if I was still going ballroom dancing. I think he might have been at least reminiscing our dancing.

I like your trick to drown out the lyrics with counting out loud. We got to survive!

I also started learning swing dancing which I knew some before but wanted to learn it properly. It's been wonderful. Before the S, my H did learn a very small amount of swing with me and actually did like it. I still hope to be able to go to dance lessons with him in the near future.
Quote:
You and your H seem to be on very friendly terms if you are even considering asking him to go on a vacation. Do you think it would be less stressful for him to skip the family reunion in Hawaii and instead find a cruise and an other type of getaway which he can choose between? As thanks for watching your dog you might suggest partially subsidizing the one he chooses. One caveat, you need a break so you'll be going also.

There are lots of wonderful prices on cruises that will be sailing in less than 90 days. The companies want to fill the ships so some of the discounts are upward of 70%.
Thanks for your suggestion. I tried a similar thing last August for his birthday - not a cruise, but a weekend/overnight getaway as 1 of the options to celebrate his BD. Instead, he picked to do breakfast at our favorite breakfast restaurant. I guess, at that time, he wasn't ready to do it.

And only a few days before TG day, he wanted to drop by to help at the house. So,I mentioned to him that he was welcome to come over any time and stay for as long as he wants (because he had been staying overnight when he came over to help on a weeknight). He didn't stay overnight that time BUT decided to come over TG day.

Yes, last time he was over (to drop off our dog), he asked whether I like a beach vacation or a cruise better. I wonder if he was wondering if I wouldn't want to go on a cruise anymore, since I liked my beach vacation so much. Also he might have been considering going on a cruise with me. I guess I could pick up from this part of our conversation and invite him on a cruise.

Exactly 1 year ago, he was reminiscing about the cruise we went on in 2003. So, I asked if we would ever go on a cruise together again. He as surprised and said he didn't even think about that. I bet since that conversation he's thought about it more than ONCE. Since then he's mentioned the cruise at least 4 times!

Thanks for your kind words about my procedure. I hope yours went OK.

Hope you have a good week,
PH

Last edited by plentyhope; 03/31/08 01:08 AM.

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Anyone know anything about what a flashing emission light means for a car? Mine flashed a few times on Fri when I first started the car. This evening it came on when I left work and stayed on the entire drive to my doctor. It stayed on for at least half hour. When I left the doc, the light didn't come on again. Whenever the light is on, the car doesn't accelerate properly and is rather jerky and I can't go above 35 mph.

When I mentioned it to the mechanic at a garage, he said it means that something is failing in the motor. Is that what an emission light indicates? If yes, I need to take the car in tomorrow morning.

Last edited by plentyhope; 04/01/08 02:59 AM.

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