save a spot, will be here at some point

[cat03]

i'm both elated and insulted, lol, I got the realtor to come and look at my house. The quote is NO where near the amount H and I were thinking at all, the realtor said that she wouldnt' be able to sell my home unless i made major improvements (renovate bathrooms and kitchen), that at this point she could only recommend to sell it to an investor! (HIGHLY unlikely anyone is going to invest in real estate now, there are so many houses up for sale in my area it isn't even funny).

That the investor would only buy it at a low price, at about 10-30k more than what i paid for the house! meaning, that i wouldnt' have much of a problem buying out H's share, after factoring the closing costs and the break he'd get from CS I wouldn't owe him much more than 8k.

My poor little house! I know it can look better, once this whole mess is over my big family will help me fix it , but for now I'm glad it didnt' look its best.

[cat03]

back from mediation, phew!

H almost had a coronary and told me he was "this" close to walking away after I brought up my plan of buying him off. He really thought that (well, and to some extent me too) that I was going to overlook the difference in child support and not bring it up. He was livid and kept telling me how I had turned things on him and that I'd change all the original plans we had (selling when kids reach 18, him reaping off the top 50% of the proceeds without contributing, other than letting me claim the house).

I actually called him late last night to just tell him how much the house was appraised for, as with the 2 other missing calls within the past month he ignored my msgs, so boo-hoo, I did want to save some time at the mediator and let him know that the house was not worth selling. He didnt' call back, his loss.

We argued a bit, the mediator was pretty good actually, brought us back to business, H just didnt' understand he'd get some $ from me, we wasted 30min explaining him.

We brought up all the facts and came up with other stuff we had to sort, so part of the agreement is fine, the part about the house and who gets to claim the kids for tax purposes is up for grabs, since he won't be seeing an investment in 13yrs H is no longer happy with me claiming both kids and all the excemptions for the house.

So, I have lots to think about til then. He said he prob might go with my plan if I dont' change the figures on him again (i couldnt' if I wanted to anyways), of course he has to run it by other people (has no lawyer, so I'm sure he's going to call anyone he knows about this).

Saw a tag for ow's in his car, it made me so mad, I said a few things about it, how much of a liar he was, he first tried to deny it was hers, then said it wasn't any of my business, I agreed, told him he didnt' have to lie anymore about it, he said he was talking to her sometimes, yea, right. ARGHHH!!! I should NOT care anymore, damn it, that is proving to be so hard, SHEESSS, I guess thats the nature of the beast and that this will take time. When I was approaching his car to give him some stuff i heard him saying "but you threw my stuff on the floor..." dork, back for more grief at ow's, whatever, he wants to be with that crazy then so be it.

[BethM]

t2,

It's ok to have feelings about what your husband is doing. It's not normal to be able to turn then off as our spouses do. Besides, anger is a good thing. It means your starting to heal.

So what I got out of what you wrote about your session was that if you stay strong, and somewhat tough, he may just back down. I got to the point where I dug my heels in and said nope this is what I want. I guess I out stared him because he gave in. If your ex really wants this overwith, he'll cave.

You did good!

Love,
Bethie

[kml]

If you can buy him out of the house for $5,000, DO IT! (Assuming you can afford to stay in the house yourself and want to stay.) It's not worth it to stay involved with him in the house, ie as in you sell after the kids are grown etc - too messy.

Make sure he signs something to agree to pay his part of college costs - may be worthless paper, but saee if he will.

Child support is by formula,right? That should be one thing you DON'T have to argue about. If he bitches just show him the guidelines.

Get as much as you can for yourself TODAY rather than in future obligations; sometimes these guys go right down the toilet and you can't get blood from a stone.

Business, business, business - keep ALL the emotional stuff out of these negotiations.

PS - I suspect, despite his apparent haste to get this done, your H actually is unsure and dragging his heels - hence he may pick stupid, unnecessary things to argue over. Barb's H fought over the artificial plants!!!! Don't get sucked into losing focus. He haasn't thought this through and is shocked that he can't just seamlessly leave his life and spend all his money on himself.

Ellie

[BethM]

t2,

I was just talking to one of the realtors next door. I gave your sitch as an example and asked what their best advice would be. They deal with this all of the time. They think that you should take the low appraisal. If you can borrow the money to pay him off then you should do so, providing you can get the help in fixing the house up after the divorce. Then whatever profit you make is money in your pocket.

[princess_nic]

Hey there,

Good news about the house! Where I live the market is really HOT, and my house is now worth 3x what we paid for it. UGH!! H really picked a good time to leave.

I hope he will agree to your buying him out, as that will get him out of your hair.

N

[cat03]

thanks gals!

Barb's H fought over the artificial plants!!!!

LMAO! that's precious, om, they really do loose some marbles.

Yea, H was furious, he was saying "looks like you got a lawyer or something, you got all that stuff worked out!" I told him , and it is true, that I have not retained a L and that I have 2 friends who are legal advisors (AmyC and this other lady on a local online group). I would almost feel sorry for him since he thought he'd had it made with a nice investment in 13yrs, then again, he's the one asking for the D, most likely shacking up with the ho, and destroying what could've been a great M.

It is a D, it is bound to be uncomfortable, irritating and one must give and take, specially if we are doing mediation. He just called and told me he will have the house appraised by a real appraiser, I told him to go ahead, I doubt he'd get much more than what I got. He is STILL asking me if the debt, the big one he brought w/him from his first looney S are all his. ARGHHH!!! I will order those statements, he still can't believe he spent so much. HE was in the thick of MLC, so he spent hundreds in expensive restaurants, shoes, suits, electronic gadgets, etc etc, he has some nerve.

ANYways, he can think 'til his head explodes, there isn't much value in the house and that's the truth.

I did think about that BEth, even if I have to get a loan, I want his hands off the house. When all is said and done, after all the paperwork little by little with my family's help I'll make that place look so nice he'll eat his fingernails to the core when he sees it, lol!

[HappyToday]

This 2,

Thanks for visiting me on my thread.

You are where I once was. It may be an advantage for you that the RE market is now in a down mode.

actually called him late last night to just tell him how much the house was appraised for, as with the 2 other missing calls within the past month he ignored my msgs, so boo-hoo, I did want to save some time at the mediator and let him know that the house was not worth selling. He didnt' call back, his loss.

One good thing ab out this houising mess is some appraisers are now really thinking about what value is. I have to tell you I'm an appraiser but I'm a commercial property appraiser. But I know the ins and outs of both.

You say your X is not happy with you claiming the kids. Whay is that? Do they live with you? My X didn't even think about that - he was so lovestruck at the time. LOL, he called me and asked me to give him that AFTER the deal was done. What a dummy.

Anyway, stand your ground and be fair to yourself. If the kids stay with you, then they are yours to claim. It's a huge decision tax wise.

[oldtimer]

Cat,

Sounds like you did great. But I have to call you on one thing....

I smell B.S. Methinks you called STBX last night because you were upset about the appraisal, the D, seeing the mediator. You wanted the connection. Go ahead, try to convince me otherwise.

Moreover, had you talked to him last night about the appraisal, it would have gone nowhere fast. Plus, he would have come in today firing.

STOP TALKING TO STBX ABOUT D STUFF OUTSIDE OF MEDIATION. COMPLETELY. PERIOD.

And, don't for a minute think that STBX isn't talking to Ls somewhere himself. 10:1, the mediator appealed to him because he thought he'd the only one who really understood the scoop.

[cat03]

I was actually pretty happy with the appraisal OT. After talking to the L I was feelign pretty confident going to the mediator.
Now that he doesn't have to put up a front he doesnt' bother at all with me in any ways, so, trust me hon, I was not looking for connection, he's lost himself, I would've wanted connection with that good man I married, I truly understand that good man is long gone and dead, I do grieve and hurt to know he's with ow, but I honestly want to let him hang now, he's made his bed.

You should've seen him OT, he was literally passing out bricks, he was furious I decided to count the CS towards paying him off, he's still fuming, I talked to him last this pm. I do find myself repeating myself again and again, so if he calls me again in a panic I will tell him that I will not go over the facts again, he never did well under pressure so his lid is flipping now. He hasnt' called again so that's good.

Hi HappyT, thanks for your input))))), I do have to think it through very well, will go over our W2s and see how much we get for the kids, I wouldnt' agree to have him claim both kids, he knows that. The most I might do is let him claim one kid every other year, but again, that's up in the air, I want to look more into that and might even call my accountant and see the repercusions of doing that.