Up and down we go, where it stops, nobody knows

[2ndnoah]

I am sad everyone is here. My story is also like everyone else here. D stinks! H walked out 5 months ago. He was my 1st and only boyfriend. Been together 31 years and married 25. 2S 19&15. He has nothing to do with them. He walked out and has never looked back. MLC. Hate this!

[SirPrizeMe]

Wow!

2ndnoah, that is tough. I feel for you and your boys. Hold on to yourself!

RTL, thanks for the encouraging words. You and me, and the rest of the gang here, we're gonna make it allright. maybe not the way I had it planned, but that's ok. I'll make it anyway. And I'll go out a-smiling.

Tonight I see the kiddos. I'm jazzed!

[RefuseToLose]

SPM,

I agree we will all pull through. Our plans may be altered, but we'll become better, stronger, healthier people, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, and friends as a result.

It is sad to see us here, but we are here for a reason. We are here to grow, change, and learn something. I think one thing I'm supposed to learn is to completely let things go that I can't control. That has always been difficult for me, but I can see it and I'm getting better all the time (pulled a quote from Modern English's "I'll Melt w/ You" there).

Why we're here doesn't make any sense right now and we may never fully see it, but we're here and we have to make the most of every opportunity, unfortunately this also means opportunities like the ones were in now.

Like you, I'm beginning to wonder how, when or if we can ever come back from this. Right now, w/ my W being so mean, cruel and distant, I just don't see it. However, time can do wonders to and for people if we let it, so who really knows in the end.

I'm very stoked for you to be able to be w/ your kids again today. HAVE A BLAST! I don't have to tell you to do so, b/c you always do.

RTL

[SirPrizeMe]

YES! RTL, good to hear from you.

About the anger and meanness you feel from your wife - I understand that is par for the MLC course. I feel the same way -my wifey has gone nuclear and it seems so unnecessary. So I am trying to not take it personally.

I had fun with the kids. Since it is her bday, my daughter picked the restaurant - Ruby's. A burgers and fries joint. We opened presents, we laughed, we giggled. I'm just happy to be with them.

My boys asked me why we haven't gone skiing, why I don't call. I didn't know what to say. I told them their mom asked me not to call them or email. I told them we'd go skiing again soon.

Yesterday I spent a long time responding in writing to a declaration my wife made in the divorce proceedings. She is asking for full custody and for lots more money than I even make. She is living in a dreamland. She is getting some really bad advice, too. Anyway, doing divorce work is always a way to brighten my day. . .

not!

[SirPrizeMe]

Speaking of dreamland...
I am thinking forward a couple weeks. Right now I am restrained from speaking to my wife, and my kids.

I expect this restraint to be lifted at the hearing. After that, I suppose W and I will have mroe contact - in email, on the phone and so on.

I am trying to think how to play it. I'd like to just treat the whole thing lightly and with humor. I am dreaming of a time when I can crack a joke about it, and break the tension for her. If I had a million dollars I would buy her a castle and a tank and tell her she could feel safe inside those things. I'm looking for some way to communicate that, now that the restraint is done and rejected, I am not ticked, I am not unbelievably hurt. I'm just standing, solid, I'm still here.

It's dreamland, because, who knows? maybe the restraint order will be permanent. Maybe she will never talk to me again and every time we communicate it will be through attorneys. Those things might happen, too. But I can dream, can't I?

If she sees that I will stand and be the rock through this domestic violence thing, maybe she will consider than I could stand and be the rock through the rest of our storms, too.

[Grace_O]

Sir,

I'm so glad you got to see the kids and have a good time.

How did your boys respond to you telling them about their mom's request that you not call or e-mail? My H actualluy had to nuts to ask how often I wanted him to vist the kids. Idiot. I told him as often as he wants, he just can't spend the night here (he's moving about 60 miles away into a more metropolitan area). We'll see how often that is

Hmmm, I like the nuclear analogy. I wonder if I can get a radiation suit to wear around H?

[SirPrizeMe]

My boys always get quiet when I tell them about the steps things their mom takes. Like, the separation. The divorce. They invite me into the house and I cannot accept. Now, the zero communication. None of these were my idea. The so called "Experts" say that W and I should present a united front to the kids. Well, bullspit! I'm not lying to my kids. I'm not saying "WE decided to divorce" to my kids. WE did no such thing. SHE decided. I'm not saying "WE decided it would be good for me to never see you again."

My kids hate all these limitations, is my impression. It confuses them. I cannot see them, I cannot email, I cannot come in the house. They don't know why mom is so bent on ejecting dad from her life. They don't know why she would ask me not to talk to THEM. They want to ask but don't want to know is my feeling, you know?

ps: Grace - have I told you? Your husband is a dope.

[Grace_O]

If I tie a rope around him, can I sell him as a dope on a rope?

I know what you mean about the "We" thing. When we talk to D's we're going to present it as 1) a marital separation 2) b/c of unhappiness and frustration. This is actually true for both of us as I'm unhappy and frustrated he's leaving. When it comes to D time, that's a different story. I won't blame him, but I'm not going to resuce him either. At that point we'll see what we see. He said the other night he wanted to tell the kids we're going to "try" a spearation. Try? More like try until he starts the rest of it. I'll keep my mouth shut for now. Our D's (like all the other kids) are not stupid. How long does he think it will take thme to figure out he's the one not coming to see them b/c of his "new" life? Umm, the'll know before we're done talking.

Of course you kids don't want to ask. They don't want to know that Mom is nuts and keeping their Dad from them for her own selfish reasons. The thing is though, she will pay such a heavy price for this.

[SirPrizeMe]

I definitely do not want to poison the relationship between my kids and my wife. They love her (rightfully so) and that's a precious, beautiful thing.

In 10 years who knows where we will be, but she will always be their mom. God willing we will be experiencing less drama. I don't think she is evil, and don't want them to think that either. They need her as a mom for a long time yet. So it is a delicate balance for me - to tell the truth without throwing her under the bus.

[Treese]

Grace;

Ooooo.....I am living that now...my H told D15 that "we" were going to "try" living on "our" own for a while, but whatever happens is for the best....remember what D said, "maybe better for you". I'm sorry but my children are not stupid...my D21 is already all over it....D15 told a counselor here at school that she couldn't imagine her dad with anyone else, YUK, she said...well what is going to happen when she finds out her dad had someone all along..that he committed adultery...my kids go to Catholic schools and I have raised them that way...one of the commandments, "thou shall not commit adultry". let him explain it...I WILL NOT LIE FOR HIM... I already told him he needed to tell the kids the truth about the stupid Ipod....

My H is living his new life and loving every minute of it...of course D15 already has her opinion about him being happy without us....she says it will come back to bite him in the butt...yep, these are ma girls.....

Treese