You are going to make me go to the gym now, aren't you? Dam your super powers!!!! How can I not go when I have a new pair of shoes, a new bag, and ... and ... what am I missing? Help me out here.
We seem to need a new name for Javiar. He did not go to NZ, but he is speaking Kiwi. Let me get this into context if it is possible. He is now telling you this has been some kind of test, to see if he is going to want to come back, and to see if you will ever be ready? Please ... let's hold back the laughter for now.
Many of us have chanted that he will never find someone better than you. He will try to return. That part is understood, right?
But now. Why now? Why the D first? Will he be one of those to back out of the D at the last minute? Would that make him your knight on shining armored pony? Is that something like the cover story he thinks he needs to return with dignity? Is that what Latin Kiwis do?
I suspect we don't know. I suspect we will never understand his thinking, even after he makes up his mind. My question is, so what? And not in a negative way. What if he says let's wait ... in court? Do you say hell no, I'm done. Do you say give me 30 or 90 days to think?
Do you say, 90 days of counseling, no contact between kids and OW, and then we will reconsider our future?
Or do you think he is setting you up to be his new OW after the D? The world's most egregious cake eater?
What do you tell the kids, and when? He says let's wait. Why? So he can avoid feeling guilty during holidays? You have the right to say you are buying a book for kids to explain D and you want to know ... when .... on your way to court or after you get home that day? They have rights to know.
But for now, let's just talk about what works for you. Dressing up. New shoes. Being happy with friends. Loving your kids. So how are you going to do more of this before the D? What new shoes will he see? What new outfit? What will you do with the kids that they love the most?
How will you create a walking billboard that says "I will be ok after the D, ... wait, even better - and Javiar will not get to share!!!"
I could see this doing multiple things. Of course he will drool and be reminded what he is losing. But your kids will not see you dreading the Day. They will not associate the coming days as being the end of time as we know it. If you do eventually sit with them in bed and read a book about why mommy and daddy don't live together any more, you can honestly tell them that this is how it has been and will be ... only now there is a piece of paper and that is all that has changed. They are still loved by both of you more than anything in the world.
Any response this gets from Javiar must be taken at an arms length. You would have real trouble knowing if he is serious, eating cake, or just playing some game. But you won't have to worry about that if it doesn't happen. Whatever you do ... do it for you and those babies that need you to reach for the stars.
Damn Chappy, make it hard for a guy why don't you....
Lissie Bean, you tell Dr, Zhivago to back the hell off.... Jeesh.... Now while I understand completely why any man would fall for you and be whipped by your magnetism, he is just not ready to handle you..........
Besides there are so many on the boards that would be devastated should the Lissie bean be taken off the market so quickly.....
Hell, Chappy would never ever enter your closet again.......
Is mr. Puffpastry on crack? Not ever tell the kids.... He never ceases to amaze me. So what is his incredible excuse for not telling them????
I never post to you.....jeesh........
Where the hell is BA anyway... This board break has gone on long enough wouldnt you say......
wow, you have a lot on your plate! I think you are doing great...glad your little one is doing better, and so impressed to hear about how strong you are, how focused you are on yourself and your needs. and hell yeah about the shoes!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I hope you and the kids go to the party and have a great time.
The kids do need to hear (some of) the truth about the divorce. You don't want to confuse them about what "married" means, do you? There are a lot of books and articles about how to tell them. The gist of what I've seen is that it's easier for them if both parents can tell them together and if you both know what you'll say to their questions. If Javier won't tell them, you might have to tell them by yourself, but they do deserve to know what they can understand about it.
Oh, and I hope you and the kids go to the party and have a greater time!
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Well, Brue ... see it is like this. You don't speak Alienish so you couldn't possible understand the X. And you know what is most odd? When she looks in the mirror and talks to herself, it all reflects backward and the words become impossible for her to understand either.
Now, as for why I'm single .... I guess it's cuz you're M.
And Kiss number 1 for you.
