Healing from infidelity is rough, but here's another great example of how it can be done Michele ********************* I joined your message board years ago. I truly believe your website and book saved my marriage in a very short amount of time. My life has changed for the very best. I have a loving, wonderful husband who adores me. You can see it in his eyes every day. I have two sons who were strong enough and loving enough to get past their father's infidelity and forgive him. I read posts occasionally now and I wish that more marriages could be saved. I feel the pain they are feeling and know exactly how they feel. I know the doubts they have along the way as they are trying to piece the marriage back together again. I know about the constant thoughts that pass through their heads. I used to think about his affair all the time, then it got to be daily and now it is from time to time. But what I found more important was that the affair was a symptom of the problem and that it is the marriage that I need to concentrate on, not the affair. I found a strength in myself that I never believed that I had. My husband still does not understand why I didn't kick him out on his butt when I found out about his infidelity. I told him that at that point, I refused to make any more decisions for him. It seemed that I had become more like his mother than a wife during our marriage and that I had to make most of the decisions, from what we were having for dinner to all our financial decisions, to all the decisions dealing with our children. He expected that I would make the decision about whether he would stay or leave. That would make it easy for him because he could blame me for kicking him out and that would somehow make it better in other people's eyes. We have come a long way. I thought before the affair that we had the perfect marriage, but I was blind. Although things are cheery now, I refuse to take anything for granted again. I thought we understood each other before, but realized that communication was missing. Now we really talk..about our dreams, our fears, our hopes, our future. We also talk to each other if there is something bothering us about the marriage. I think before we thought that we should avoid this topic because in successful marriages, everything is perfect. Now we know that nothing is perfect and if things are not right, we need to talk to each other...not to someone else who "understands me". I hope at some point that you write a book for children caught up in the throes of marital stress. My oldest son had a terrible time because he felt he was more betrayed than anyone else. He blamed his father for what he did and he hated me for not kicking him out of our lives. Now almost 19 yrs old, he realizes that Daddy was not all to blame and that it is important that families stay together if there is any chance of a loving relationship. I also told them that if they have a mid-life crisis, please just buy a corvett!!! They said, "No problem Mom. Can we borrow the money?" I love them both dearly. Again, thanks for all your help. We will be celebrating our Happy 20th anniversary this summer. To think it may have ended.
